Husband Asks If He's Wrong To Be 'Uncomfortable' That His Wife's Ex Sends Her Flowers Every Mother's Day
He said, “She’s extremely privileged and spoiled as a stay-at-home mom.”
Arthur Bargan / Shutterstock.com Mother’s Day is an extremely meaningful and fun occasion for many families, providing an opportunity for kids and partners to show appreciation for the motherly figures in their lives. However, that's not the case for one man on Reddit, who admitted in a recent post that he solemnly dreads Mother’s Day in his household.
“Prior to dating me, my wife was in a long-term relationship with her ex," he explained. "Ever since we had our first child, he’s been sending her flowers every year on Mother’s Day.”
He admitted that he was ‘uncomfortable’ with his wife’s ex sending her flowers every Mother’s Day.
“My wife (33F) and I (34M) have been married for 8 years,” the Reddit man started his post. “And we have 2 children aged 4 and 6. My wife has been a stay-at-home mom since we had children.”
On their very first Mother’s Day, he admitted he was equally shocked and aggravated when the flowers from her ex showed up at their door — especially because she seemed grateful to receive them and even called to thank him.
"It frustrated me because I tried to make the day as special as possible for her, and she still sought external validation from her ex,” he explained.
Although he didn't explicitly mention it, the Reddit poster alluded to the fact that his wife never had children with her ex — “She has no reason to even be in contact with him anymore,” he wrote.
She continued to receive these flowers yearly, and he repeatedly expressed his discomfort. "She always said I’m overreacting and that he is just sending flowers on Mother’s Day to appreciate her as a mother, and there was nothing more to it," he added.
However, despite her promises, he couldn’t help but feel insecure each year the flowers continued to come. Was her ex trying to prove something to her? Were there ulterior motivations behind the “motherly appreciation”? Did her ex know something that he didn’t? He couldn’t justify any other reason for his continuous outreach.
Mariia Boiko / Shutterstock
After 8 years of flowers from her ex, he admitted he’d had enough and 'blew up' at her, arguing she deserved ‘no appreciation’ since she was a stay-at-home mom.
“Last month on Mother’s Day, her ex again sent her flowers … It frustrated me a lot, but I hid my reaction because I didn’t want to ruin her Mother’s Day,” he wrote. “However, the next day, I started emotionally distancing myself from my wife because … it was affecting the home atmosphere.”
“We talked about it, and to be honest, I went a bit overboard on my rant because I was extremely frustrated with everything," he admitted. "I then told her that she was extremely privileged and spoiled being a SAHM.”
He compared her to his sister, who, after being cheated on, was a single mother to two children. “She was hard working and she is the type of woman who deserves a Mother’s Day gift and appreciation, and not my wife.”
Of course, in hindsight, the man admitted he “immediately regretted” his comments during their fight and felt extremely guilty during the disconnected weeks that followed. “The next couple of weeks were rough, and we barely spoke," he revealed. "After that, we slowly started speaking again.”
While many comments were quick to empathize with this husband’s frustration, many couldn't help but notice there were some gaps in his story.
Did his wife lose a child in her previous relationship? Is it possible that they have a child together? Are they still in close contact outside of the holiday? Has she expressed disappointment with his appreciation on Mother’s Day?
It might be uncomfortable for this husband to admit, especially if they haven’t explicitly drawn that contact boundary, but it’s possible her ex might be filling a void she’s missing in their relationship. If her ex knows she’s not getting flowers or she’s expressed disappointment to him — many people argue it’s not “strange” that he'd continue the annual habit.
“You weren’t the [jerk] until you said that she didn’t deserve a Mother's Day gift or appreciation,” one commenter argued. “Your wife holds no responsibility over the hardships of your sister … Don’t downplay her role as a SAHM, as if it’s ‘so easy.’”
The couple have since agreed to see a couples therapist, and his wife agreed to cut all contact with her ex. At the end of the day, these seem like healthy next steps to mending their marriage.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.