Husband Asks If He’s Wrong For Rejecting His Wife's Homemade Birthday Gift Because He Specifically Asked For Something Else
Whose feelings matter more, the giver or the receiver? This man's opinion is clear.
ronstik | Shutterstock Some people view gift-giving as a chance to show how much they know a person, buying a gift perfectly tailored to their interests, while others stick to a list, purchasing exactly what was requested. Some gift-givers see an opportunity to re-gift presents they don't want and the more creative among us make homemade gifts.
A man on Reddit's wife falls into the latter category, preferring homemade gifts above all else. Yet her husband is sick of her handcrafted presents.
The husband asked if he was wrong to reject his wife's homemade birthday gift when he specifically asked for something else.
"I need an outside opinion on this," he began his Reddit post. "Am I [wrong] for returning my [wife’s homemade] birthday gift [to] me and telling her I don’t want it?"
“My wife makes less money than me and is the type of [person] who prefers to make her own gifts for people,” he wrote. “The issue is she will do this even if the person doesn’t want this.”
The husband explained that for the past few years, she made every single gift that she gave him, even when he asked for something specific.
“No matter what I asked for, I [got] a homemade gift. Doesn’t matter if it is cheap or not,” he continued. “Last Christmas I asked for a [few new] things and I got a homemade scarf.”
This has been an ongoing issue that the pair have discussed multiple times. “I always get her the stuff she wants,” he added.
Everything came to a head on the man’s birthday.
“My birthday was yesterday and I asked her to give me a book,” he said. “It was only $25 and I sent her the link.”
Despite his clear directions and desire, his wife had other ideas.
“I opened the gift and she made some homemade bookmarks. It wasn’t even the type of bookmarks I like,” he recalled. “They were made from fabric and I like the wooden ones.”
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“I must have made a face because she asked what was wrong,” he continued. “I told her I didn’t want these. I made it so clear what I actually wanted and I have talked to her so many times. I handed them back and went out to buy the book.”
This did not go over well with his wife. “We had a big fight when I got back,” he admitted. “She claims I am being ungrateful and a jerk.”
Etiquette requires that we take the effort behind a gift into account even if we don't like it.
While we all hope to open up a present and see exactly what we were hoping for, that doesn’t always happen. Although it can be disappointing, one etiquette expert reminded us that simply receiving a gift is a huge deal.
The founder of the Protocol School of Texas, Diane Gottsman, told CNBC Make It, “You’re thanking them for the effort. You’re not thanking them for the gift. The gift is secondary. It’s the thought and the effort and the love that counts.”
One could argue that even more thought, effort, and love goes into a homemade gift.
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Gottsman added that how you react to the gift depends on your relationship with the giver. If you know them well, it may be acceptable to ask if you could exchange the present for something else.
Then again, you can’t really exchange homemade bookmarks.
Commenters mostly supported the husband’s point of view.
Fellow Redditors largely took the husband’s side of this argument. However, one person presented an interesting opinion that took both the husband and wife’s feelings into account.
“As a partner, our job is to take the other person’s preferences into consideration,” they wrote. “The gift is something that should be for the giftee, so it’s their preferences that should be considered more than the gifter.”
Some commenters suggested his wife should have gifted him the book he requested, with the homemade bookmarks inside, meshing both ideas together.
While what the husband wants for a gift should be taken into account, it’s also important to show gratitude for a gift and its giver.
His wife surely put a lot of work into those bookmarks, and he could have reacted better. Still, she could have better listened to her husband's feelings and wants.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.