How 'The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives' Exposes The Hidden Impact Of Faith On Relationships
Where religion and patriarchy collude.
Leojuli | Shutterstock, marlenka | Canva So here we are again. This time, Hollywood has focused their lens on one of the last bastions of patriarchy and perceived religious oppression of women: The Church of Latter-Day Saints, most commonly referred to as LDS or Mormon.
The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives also will likely attract a large television viewing audience as, literally, half the state of Utah is a member of the church. So, whether they like this Hollywood depiction of the LDS community in the show or are completely appalled, there’s good reason for many to watch the scandal. After all, the entertainment business is a business.
While I can’t begin to speculate on how exaggerated the behavior of the cast is when compared to the average LDS member, or when compared to their off-camera persona, for that matter, I can share some notes from psychology textbooks that shine a light on what viewers can expect. First of all, I am a Professor of Health Psychology, and there’s a boatload of research to support the fact that “religiosity” (any religion) is highly correlated with longevity.
It has to do with three things that are great for our health: A supportive social community, the stress-reducing effects of prayers and hymns, and finally, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never heard of any religion in the world the preaches “sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll.” For the most part, religiosity is associated with healthful living. That’s the good news.
The Secret Lives Of Mormon Wives will also expose the hidden impact of faith on relationships.
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Religions are also clubs. For any club to survive it must have strict rules for membership and consequences if those rules are broken. Usually, the consequence is a flash of guilt and shame or, in extreme circumstances, a complete banishment from the clubhouse — excommunication.
Therefore, those who can’t conform to those rules either because of their gender diversity, sexual orientation, or their “penchant for pleasure” are left with the pain of cognitive dissonance and/or debilitating guilt. Ooooh, that should make for some good TV!
There’s another thing to consider here. As with any club, religions will die out if they don’t continue to increase their membership base. One way to do this, as practiced by Catholic missionaries who traveled to far-flung lands, or Seventh Day Adventists who knock on your front door today, is by converting full-grown people.
Catching someone amidst a life crisis is particularly fruitful, when you promise a circle of happy new friends who are all drinking the same Kool-Aid. But the much easier way to grow membership is simply to give birth to them. Baby members!
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This is where religion and patriarchy collude.
Controlling a woman’s sexuality and reproduction is the best way to get brand new little people to indoctrinate with your club rules. Thus, all the Abrahamic religions tend to forbid masturbation (wasting good sperm!), same-sex relationships (preventing conception!), and fornication outside marriage (Don’t drop babies outside the club!)
That is unless you let one man have a bunch of wives. Hello, patriarchy. Pleased to meet you. Again, a great plot for TV. Of course, human beings are much more complex than the simple rules of patriarchy and club affiliation would imply.
Evolutionary psychologists would say that homo sapiens have the widest range of sexual behavior and that sex is used for far more than reproduction. It’s used for social elevation, stress reduction, commerce, bonding, to alleviate boredom, and as an expression of love. So, what happens to human beings who are, so-called “sexually repressed” by their faith?
Sometimes, they push all their diverse urges deep down inside themselves and ignore them altogether. And you know what happens when we suppress pieces of ourselves? That pesky humanness flies up to the surface at the most inopportune times in some socially unacceptable ways. You might have heard a baffled and contrite cheater describe their affair as something “that just happened. I didn’t plan it.”
Naturally occurring human desires, when not conscious, examined, and decided upon, sometimes show up anyway without our permission. And this can be shocking. It can also make for great television.
Dr. Wendy Walsh, a leading relationship expert with Dating Advice, is an award-winning television journalist, radio host, podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships & thousands of print and digital articles.