How People React When I Say I'm 70 And Have Always Been Single
Why I sometimes love being the sole single person in a party of couples.
Courtesy Of Author | Doug Ellis Photography My new neighbors, a married couple, just had a big housewarming party. There were more than 100 guests, and most of them seemed to have arrived in coupled pairs. That was fine — I’m proud of myself when I saunter on my own into an event filled with couples. And, it is always an “interesting” experience.
I got some food and drinks and sat at a table with other couples. The introductions began: “I’m John and this is my wife, Jane.” “I’m Mary and this is my husband, Joseph.” When it was my turn, I said, “I’m Bella, I’m 69, and I have been single my whole life.”
To which, one of the wives responded: “Wow. That’s a lot of information.”
But was it? I think I offered about the same amount of information as everyone else. But my information was different.
I described a life path that isn’t the celebrated one. I also gave my age, which maybe women still aren’t supposed to do, especially if they are not what is considered young. I’m thrilled to have lived as long as I have, just as I am delighted and grateful to have lived single my whole life.
Maybe I feel unself-conscious about my age because I’m not looking to unsingle myself. Maybe that culturally encouraged reluctance for women to admit their age is because of the fear that for women, being “older” is a strike against you on the marriage market. I’m not in that market. That’s another way that being single, and wanting to stay single, is freeing.
I moved on to another group of people, again a bunch of couples. I did my thing: “I’m Bella, I’m 69, and I have been single my whole life.”
I got a different response that time, from one of the husbands. He said that he and his wife knew a woman who had been single her whole life, and then at 65, she met a man, got married, and has been living happily ever since — seven years and counting.
My guess is that the anecdote was offered as reassurance, as encouragement, as if what he was really saying was: “Don’t worry, Bella, even in your 60s, you could still find The One.”
I told him that I prefer stories about single people who love being single and staying single. Then I added, “I think marriage is overrated.”
He paused for a moment, gazed at his wife, and said: “If I told you what I thought about that, I’d spend the night in the shed.”
Bella DePaulo (PhD, Harvard) is the author of the award-winning Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life. She has been writing the “Living Single” blog for Psychology Today since 2008 and her TEDx talk, “What no one ever told you about people who are single,” has been viewed more than 1.7 million times.