3 Personality Clues A Person Is An Insecure Attention-Seeker, According To Psychology
The types of people obsessed with validation.
Lacie Cueto | Unsplash By Dr. Seth Meyers
There are three main types of attention seekers and each type ends up frustrating their romantic partners and causing regular arguments or a bona fide breakup. Check out the three types below so you are prepared when you encounter them in the dating world!
Here are 3 personality clues a person is an insecure attention-seeker, according to psychology:
1. The life of the party
Think about your own social circle and you can probably come up with one or two people who always manage to be the life of the party. When they show up, they are “on” as if they’re working a stage.
While the phrase 'life of the party' often evokes a positive image of someone outgoing and charismatic, it can also be associated with insecurity and a need for attention in some contexts. Research suggests that attention-seeking behavior, whether seemingly genuine or not, can stem from various underlying needs and vulnerabilities, including low self-esteem, a desire for validation, or even underlying mental health conditions.
This type of attention seeker tends to be loud or boisterous. They constantly make jokes, act sassy, or say something cute or provocative. This type of man or woman can be fun for a night, but their romantic partners often get frustrated after a while for reasons I’ll discuss in a moment.
2. The over-flirty one
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You instantly know the type I’m talking about, right? This type of person is often flirtatious and seductive. They often give people a look by holding eye contact, or touch others in a way that lingers a bit too long. They may direct attention to their nice physique. Though this type is often perceived as alluring, their romantic partners usually end up feeling angry or jealous over time.
Research suggests that excessive flirting can sometimes be linked to insecurity and a need for attention. Individuals may use flirtatious behavior to boost their self-esteem, seek validation from others, or even unconsciously try to induce jealousy in a partner to feel more desired. This behavior can be rooted in issues like low self-esteem, social anxiety, or a need for external validation, potentially indicative of histrionic personality disorder or other personality traits.
3. The argument starter
At first, you may not think of an argument starter as an attention seeker. Yet starting arguments or getting into debates is a major way attention seekers dominate the discussion and get everyone to focus on them.
Individuals who frequently initiate arguments may be motivated by insecurity and a need for attention. According to a 2018 study, they may argue to draw attention, seek validation, or exert control when they feel powerless.
People are often drawn to this type of attention seeker because this type can also appear strong on the surface. After a few months of putting up with this type, however, the romantic partners usually feel drained and annoyed.
Why do attention seekers make bad partners:
1. They tend to dominate the conversation
Attention seekers are motivated by one thing — getting attention and getting more of it now. When they are in a social setting, they occupy more airtime than everyone else. They love to hear themselves talk, and they especially love it when everyone is looking at them.
The problem with dominating the conversation is that their partners always end up feeling like the attention seeker overshadows them, not leaving enough room for them to talk and engage with others in a mutually fulfilling way.
2. They are in denial about how much they seek attention
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This is one of the most frustrating symptoms of all. You’re dating an attention seeker, but this person won’t even admit that they want attention from others so badly!
You can talk ‘til you’re blue in the face, but attention seekers will always deny it. They tell themselves that they just “naturally” get so much attention because of who they are. The message: “It’s just something about me; I’ve always been special like that.” (Excuse me for a moment while I throw up.)
3. Getting attention matters more to attention seekers than how their behavior affects their partners
Jealousy is a major problem in relationships with an attention seeker. Attention seekers love seducing others into wanting them and they work hard to get people to like them.
When you’re out with your attention-seeking partner, however, you inevitably notice the tricks and machinations they use with others and it starts arguments. “Can’t you see what you’re doing? You were totally flirting, and I was right there!” Sadly, attention seekers care more about getting their fill of attention and less about how it makes you feel.
4. Getting attention from you, their partner, will never be enough to fill the void
This point is the most important when it comes to having a relationship with an attention seeker. No matter how great a partner you are — how smart, funny, hot, and so on — your partner will always need a ton of validation from others. You will never feel good enough in a relationship with an attention seeker.
The only way to try to make a relationship like this work is to remind yourself that his need for attention is not a personal reflection on you. In other words, it’s not that you are undesirable or not appealing enough to keep him satisfied.
You also have to ask yourself the following question: If her attention-seeking behaviors were still continued five years from now, could I handle it? Your answer will tell you whether it makes sense to keep dating someone like this today. Attention is like a drug for attention seekers — they will do whatever they have to do to get it.
After dating someone for a month or so, you’ll have a good idea about whether the person you’re dating is a true attention seeker. Unless you have rock-solid self-esteem or you happen to love a little drama, your best bet is to avoid this type of person as soon as you’ve identified the attention-seeking pattern.
Dr. Seth Meyers is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, and TV guest expert. He treats a wide range of issues and disorders and specializes in relationships, parenting, and addiction. He is the author of Dr. Seth's Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve.
