6 Hot Girl Habits That Can Actually Make Your Whole Life Better
It's not about beauty, it's about letting the fire inside of you shine.
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock Have you ever wondered what makes the most compelling women so impossible to ignore? Regardless of their beauty, they're "hot" — their careers are on a hot streak, they go to trendy clubs and have overall enviable lives. How do they do it? They practice "hot girl habits" — winning strategies that set you up for a hot streak in life.
You know how damaging it is to your psyche and your confidence to set low standards for yourself, but it's a hard pattern to break. Now is the time to do it differently and reap the rewards of a life we choose — and not one we react to. And that's the secret to letting the fire inside of you shine.
Six things hot girls do that can make your entire life better
1. They identify anything holding them back
Why do you keep promising yourself to speak up in relationships, at work, in meetings, and at social occasions, and find yourself holding back at exactly the wrong moment? Don't be too hard on yourself. You've grooved a deep pattern both in your behaviors and in your brain that's challenging to overcome without the right amount of information and energy.
But that "hot" energy doesn't come from holding back. Being thoughtful about what you say and how you say it? Sure. But they don't let anything hold them back.
2. They figure out exactly what they want, not what others want
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A few years ago, if you had asked me what I wanted out of life, I would have given you an answer that reflected what mattered to my loved ones, with hardly a glimmer of what mattered to me. Whose fault was this? Mine.
I put others first and lost sight of myself. By doing so, I become resentful, bitter, and just the slightest bit jaded. Yet, I still wasn't speaking up for myself and was only complaining.
So, what do you want out of your life? What makes you happy? What's your favorite color, your favorite restaurant, your favorite TV show? What activities make you joyful and which ones leave you bored? What do you want from a partner? Friends? Work? It is well past the time for you to figure yourself out.
3. They know their voice matters
You may have seen beautiful women who fade into the backgroundt, but you've never seen a truly hot person allow themselves to disappear when they want to make something happen. Being "hot" means displaying a fire inside yourself, and your voice is part of htat.
Every time I was about to speak up, something in my brain would trigger and silence me. It sounded like:
- Be quiet.
- You are going to embarrass yourself or make this person angry and upset.
- Be a good girl and be quiet.
This mindset was tough to break. I started by thinking, "I matter. My voice matters." I repeated it again and again until I believed it. I changed my thinking because a fearful mindset led to insecure feelings, and thus, to rather useless behaviors, as shown by a study in Attachment & Human Development.
Start with your thought process, figure out how it's holding you back, and change it until you believe it.
4. They say what they want (without apology)
This is tough. You aren't used to doing this, but neither was I. I started to say,
- "I'd like you to put your dishes away,"
- "I'm the right person for this job so I want you to hire me,"
- "It's not okay to deny women these rights and that's why I'm voting for so and so."
Yep, I started very tentatively to speak up.
Don't be surprised when the people in your life push back as you start to find your voice. They aren't used to it and are likely to ignore or disagree with it. This is when you need to summon some big strength, leave your victim thoughts behind, stand up and say it again.
Don't say it louder, say it nicely and firmly. Say it!
5. They look to other women for inspiration
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The less I spoke up, the worse I felt about myself. My confidence plummeted, my self-esteem was on hiatus, and I didn't like who I was.
I looked at my incredible teenage daughter and my heart broke because this was not what I wanted to model for her. She deserved a mother who showed her how to do hard things.
Seeing me become strong, powerful, and speaking up for others and myself has helped her to do the same. There has been little else in my life that has brought me as much joy as watching her develop her voice.
I watched other women who I greatly admired and imitated their assertiveness and well thought-out opinions. When women speak up, they promote others to do the same, as supported by an APA study. They let their heat, their fire, spread to others.
6. They know how to change themselves to change the world
Most of us spend useless energy on resolutions that don't change much in our lives, but learning how to speak up will change every aspect of your life:
"Or you can start speaking up
Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle 'neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you
Say what you wanna say"
—Sara Bareilles, "Brave"
Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist, certified professional life and executive coach, and a highly experienced corporate speaker. She helps people overcome stress and overwhelm to find joy in their personal lives and success and meaning in their professional lives.