The Horniest Animal In The World Is Not What You Think It Is
Hint: It's not your boyfriend.
Trong Nguyen | Shutterstock Just when you thought penguins were sweet and innocent animals, it turns out that they like to get their freak on.
Yes, penguins are a very sexual bunch, and for that, we must love them more. They're adorable little freaks, just like some people I know.
In 1915, a man named Dr. George Levick wrote a four-page pamphlet entitled The Sexual Habits of the Adélie Penguins, in which he documented his findings about the penguin world.
His discoveries were so salacious and scandalous for the time that he even wrote a pamphlet in Greek to protect the innocent humans of this earth from the horrors of penguin mating.
Oh, the horrors indeed. Now we must protect the children from penguins. They're my favorite part of the zoo.
According to the research Dr. Levick did from 1910 to 1913 on the British Antarctic Expedition Terra Nova at Cape Adare, "There seems to be no crime too low for these penguins." Example? Well, they get it on for fun — not just to procreate! How ugly and inappropriate!
They also like to indulge in sexual coercion, sexual and physical abuse of their wee ones, the occasional necrophilia, and, the most sinful of all, sexual behavior, homosexuality. Yikes. Imagine the Greek tragedies we could write about these penguins.
Besides the abuse and necrophilia, it all sounds fantastic to me. They could inspire a whole new season of Desperate Housewives or even The Bachelor.
Can you imagine? Those sweet little flightless birds? Could they be such monsters? Maybe instead of sharks, we should be making horror movies about penguins.
It's also refreshing to know that other species on the planet like themselves some naughty fun. Makes you wonder if that makes them more human or more animal.
For years, this document had been unseen but was just recently found by a bird curator at the Natural History Museum in London. How it is that such amazing observations were kept in a dark closet somewhere for so long is a mind-boggling tragedy. Maybe there's some government conspiracy that needs us to look at penguins with fondness instead of repulsion and horror.
But now we can all be at peace with the knowledge that penguins are fantastic — which we pretty much knew after watching The March of the Penguins, but this is just further confirmation. I wonder if they love blowing each other, too. I'm going to pretend they do. Maybe they have a thing to teach us or two.
But wait... what does all this penguin behavior say about us, humans? What could we do with this knowledge?
Amanda Chatel is a writer who divides her time between NYC and Paris. She regularly contributes to Bustle and Glamour, with bylines at Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Livingly, Mic, The Bolde, Huffington Post, and others.