Highly Narcissistic People Do These 15 Things When They're Not Busy Drawing Attention To Themselves
Can you truly know a narcissist?
The term 'narcissist' is used loosely and frequently, without necessarily knowing if a person truly fits the proper definition. Narcissists, or people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are omnipresent and their numbers are on the rise.
How many narcissists or people with narcissistic traits are there in the world? A 2009 nationally representative sample of 35,000 Americans found that 6 percent of Americans (1 out of 16) had a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) at some point in their lives.
Most of us know at least one narcissist — some of us are related to one, some of us were in a relationship or had married one, and some of us are or were friends with one. At some point, we've even suffered through narcissistic abuse without realizing it.
Highly narcissistic people do these 15 things when they're not busy drawing attention to themselves:
1. They let their masks slip
They have very low self-esteem but appear to mask it well. Many present with a facade of high self-esteem, but this is often fragile and dependent on external validation, meaning their self-worth is deeply tied to how others perceive them.
2. They show their craving for validation
They need constant external validation — they crave admiration and validation. This means they rely heavily on others' praise, attention, and approval to maintain their self-esteem and sense of worth, as they often lack a stable internal sense of self due to underlying insecurities.
Researchers in a 2021 study conducted experiments to observe how narcissists react to positive and negative feedback, demonstrating their heightened sensitivity to validation and devaluation. This is supported by brain imaging that has explored the neural pathways associated with reward and self-esteem in narcissists, revealing potential differences in how they process positive feedback compared to non-narcissistic individuals.
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3. They're always trying to prove their superiority
They are always trying to prove superior to others—their desire to win at all costs is all-encompassing. They often do this through self-promotion, social comparisons, and a tendency to take credit for achievements while downplaying their failures. This all stems from an inflated sense of self-importance and a deep-seated need to maintain a positive self-image based on perceived superiority.
4. They only look out for themselves
They are incredibly self-centered. Narcissists prioritize their needs and interests, demonstrating a strong tendency to look out for themselves above others, often at the expense of relationships due to their inflated self-image, desire for admiration, and sense of entitlement.
This behavior is usually characterized by self-enhancement, manipulation, and a lack of empathy. A 2021 study showed that narcissists consistently rate themselves more positively than others in various domains like intelligence, attractiveness, and abilities.
5. They have a one-track-mind
They are very one-minded — they can only see things from their perspective. They tend to have significant difficulty with perspective-taking, often neglecting to consider the feelings and perspectives of others. When evaluating situations, they tend to focus on how the event impacts their self-image and personal gain rather than considering the wider context or others' perspectives.
6. They're sensitive to criticism
They are hypersensitive to feeling slighted or mistreated in any way. They feel insulted and criticized even when no insult or criticism was intended and are always on the defensive.
Often reacting defensively and with strong negative emotions even to mild negative feedback, as their inflated self-image is threatened by any perceived criticism, leading to behaviors like anger, devaluation, or victim-playing. Research from a 2021 study observed that narcissists tend to become defensive, argumentative, or dismissive when confronted with criticism, even when it is presented constructively.
7. They're always the victim
They always believe they are innocent victims and that others are hostile perpetrators. Often, they think they are innocent, even when presented with evidence of their wrongdoing. Their ability to distort their perception of reality allows them to rationalize their actions and deflect blame onto others easily.
8. They don't care about hurting others
They are willing to devalue and humiliate other people. Their reduced capacity for empathy means they struggle to connect emotionally with and feel the pain of others, which can lead to a lack of concern about hurting them.
A recent study published by Frontiers in Psychology showed that these individuals may cognitively understand another person's pain but don't experience the same emotional response.
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9. They have a low capacity for empathy
They feel no pain when they hurt others — if they do feel pain, it’s much less than others would feel. They may not fully feel the pain they inflict on others due to a lack of emotional understanding and connection to the feelings of others, effectively making them less likely to experience distress when hurting someone else.
10. They make sure everyone knows they're at the top of the pyramid
They have hierarchical thinking, meaning that every person or object (they are also very materialistic) is placed on a scale. They have trouble believing anyone is their equal.
This perspective is deeply rooted in their need for admiration and status. Findings from a 2023 study published in Personality and Individual Differences observed that individuals with narcissistic traits may exhibit dominant leadership styles, often focusing on self-promotion and exploiting others to maintain their position of power.
11. Their temper is unmatched
They have disproportionate anger—they get furious at things that seem minor to others. This rage is often characterized by explosive outbursts, verbal aggression, and difficulty controlling anger. It stems from a deep-seated fear of exposure and a fragile sense of self that relies heavily on external validation.
12. They don't see gray, only black-and-white
They use extreme language, referring to others as "perfect," "the best," or "the absolute worst," with nothing in between.
13. They have no filter
They use cruel and inappropriate language — they say things out loud that others might think but don’t voice for fear of hurting others (i.e., "That is the dumbest waitress I’ve ever had.").
14. 'Sorry' isn't in their vocabulary
They cannot genuinely apologize or admit mistakes — they do not have a stable enough self-esteem to admit their mistakes and feel if they admit their mistakes, their facade of perfection will end or another will humiliate them.
15. They have a lack of close relationships
They have a difficult time sustaining serious, intimate relationships. Now that you know what narcissistic behavior looks like, what is the key to understanding narcissists and their mental health? When a child experiences a lot of pain and their self-esteem is destroyed, narcissism can be the result.
When one does not receive the love they need, they can become "selfish" and spend the rest of their lives trying to meet their own needs in unhealthy ways. Certainly, our celebrity culture, media, and the internet are contributing to the rise in this self-centered way of thinking.
When we understand that a narcissist is simply coping with their pain, it can help ignite compassion within us. Having this information can help us refrain from taking a narcissist’s actions or words personally and assist us in dealing with them effectively.
What is the key to preventing narcissism? In trying to prevent a child from becoming a narcissist, the key is to help them love themselves. This means accepting them for who they are.
If a child is allowed to express themselves freely and often, this increases their self-esteem, which allows them to validate their worth internally, as opposed to seeking external validation.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist, you are not alone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Meredith Deasley BA, RNCP, RHN, ACC is a Certified Life Coach, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, Author, and Speaker.