Harvard Researchers Reveal The 3-Step Conversation Hack That Can Make You More Likable
If you're shy, introverted, or have social anxiety that makes it hard to connect with people, this conversation hack may be incredibly useful.
Josep Suria | Shutterstock We've all experienced a moment of awkwardness when we're in a conversation with someone and don't know how to continue. Especially for people who are introverted, shy, or have social anxiety, it can be difficult to make small talk with people that we don't know too well or mingle with strangers at a party without coming off as unfriendly or awkward.
However, Harvard researchers may have devised a simple hack to increase one's likability in situations that require conversations or small talk. It can work in any situation you find yourself in, whether it's a friendly gathering or a job interview.
Researchers revealed the simple 3-step conversation hack to make you more likable.
In a series of studies, Harvard researchers examined more than 300 online and in-person conversations between people getting to know each other. The findings were published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
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Participants were assigned a random person to talk with for 15 minutes for online conversations. For in-person conversations, the researchers examined data from a previously published study of 110 people at a speed-dating event.
"We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking," the co-authors of the study wrote. "People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners."
The results showed that those who asked more questions during a conversation, specifically follow-up questions, were perceived as more likable, both online and in person. When it comes to dating, participants were also more likely to score a second date.
According to the research, you just need one strong opening question, and then you can follow up 2 times by asking them to clarify what they meant or expand on something they said.
Follow-up questions, the researchers pointed out, show that a person is not only listening but is interested.
"Follow-up questions are an easy and effective way to keep the conversation going and show that the asker has paid attention to what their partner has said," researchers explained.
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Their findings counter the strategy many use when meeting someone for the first time, whether on a blind date or at a networking event. For many, the first step is to try and impress the new person, but research shows that’s not the case.
"The tendency to focus on the self when trying to impress others is misguided," the study’s authors wrote, adding that "redirecting the topic of conversation to oneself, bragging, boasting or dominating the conversation, tend to decrease liking."
While these findings should be a no-brainer, many people often don't think to ask questions about the other person when they're in a conversation together.
It shouldn't be an interrogation, and frankly, questions should be reciprocated as the other person in the conversation should want to get to know you just as much as you want to get to know them.
For people who aren't natural question-askers, it's recommended to go into conversations with the explicit goal of asking questions. Set a goal for yourself to ask at least 5 questions to the person you're talking to in a conversation, listen to the answers, and ask follow-up questions when necessary.
When push comes to shove, people often like talking about themselves, especially when prompted.
If you create a safe enough space for people to open up, they'll see you as likable and will want to talk to you more and more.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.