5 Hardships You'll Encounter On The Way To The Life Of Your Dreams — And How To Overcome Them
By preparing for the challenges you'll encounter, you can make a plan for how to respond.
vgajic / Getty Images Signature via Canva Most of us are much better at setting goals than achieving them. Why? What is it that dampens our drive and smothers our good intentions?
Part of the answer is that setting meaningful goals forces us to consider the possibility of not achieving them, which activates a wily and powerful foe — fear of failure.
Fear of failure is like a set of explosive devices that operate largely on a subconscious level. The mind registers apprehension as we imagine a goal and responds with messages that goad us to give up before we start, sabotage our efforts after we've begun, or pitch us into an endless cycle of procrastination.
Five problems you'll likely encounter when pursuing your goals
Here are five problematic moments one is likely to encounter on the path of goal pursuit:
1. Tripping up before you start.
The thought: Setting a clear start date makes me anxious.
The mind's rationalization: What's the rush? I'll get to it when I'm ready.
How to respond: The fear of failure is often at its most powerful at the very beginning of a project because you're furthest away from your goal. There are two key steps to overcoming this fear.
First, break your goal down into much smaller steps and identify the initial few; think of first-time marathon runners who begin training to run a single mile.
Then decide when you will start on these smaller steps and put that date in your calendar. Tell family or friends about the goal and start date to make yourself more accountable.
2. Giving up at the first hurdle.
The thought: This is going to take even more effort than I thought.
The mind's rationalization: Nah, it isn't really worth it.
How to respond: Consider that the relationship between effort and meaningfulness works both ways. The more meaningful a goal is, the more effort it may take to achieve it.
But the more effort you put into reaching a goal, the more rewarding, satisfying, and empowering achieving it becomes. Therefore, the effort is always worthwhile. It provides a huge emotional return on the investment.
3. Giving up at a subsequent hurdle.
The thought: Uh-oh — this goal seems very difficult to reach.
The mind's rationalization: I'm probably not capable of doing this, so there's no point in trying.
How to respond: Your mind is trying to convince you that a hurdle or setback represents a big stop sign. It doesn't. It represents a detour sign. The detour involves figuring out how to get around this specific hurdle or how to avoid a similar one in the future.
Take time to problem-solve and your confidence and motivation will be restored. For example, if you're trying to diet and there are always doughnuts beside the coffee machine at work, bring your own thermos of coffee to avoid the temptation.
4. Giving in to procrastination along the way.
The thought: My worry about this project is putting me in a bad mood.
The mind's rationalization: This is hard! I need a pick-me-up. Maybe I'll binge-watch three seasons of "Veep".
How to respond: Recent research has found that people tend to procrastinate when they're feeling negative emotions such as sadness, anxiety, or indeed, fear of failure.
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Quite logically, you'll try to improve your mood by doing something more immediately enjoyable than going after that long-range goal.
When you catch yourself procrastinating, take four steps:
- Give yourself permission to feel the bad feeling.
- Remind yourself that as unpleasant as the feeling is, you can tolerate it, at least for a while.
- Remind yourself of why the goal is meaningful to you.
- Get back to work.
5. Sabotaging your own efforts to get to the finish line.
The thought: If I try too hard and fail, I'll be devastated.
The mind's rationalization: I'll give it a bit of a try, but there's only so much I can do.
How to respond: Fear of failure often manifests in your making excuses up front that can then be used to justify failure, such as expressing pessimism about your chance of succeeding and using that as a reason to limit your effort.
The problem is that an excuse mindset can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. By holding back, you're actually increasing your chances of failure.
Better to acknowledge the fear, but instead of imagining what it will feel like to fail, imagine what it will feel like to succeed.
The key to achieving a goal is to acknowledge your fear or concern, recognize the challenges ahead, and frame your expectations in a manner that creates an open path to success.
By becoming aware of the inner dynamic that takes place in the mind when a goal is contemplated, and by understanding why three steps forward are so often accompanied by two steps back, you can change your own thinking — a crucial step to realizing your dreams.
Guy Winch is a distinguished psychologist and acclaimed author. His work has been featured in The New York Times and Psychology Today.