If A Person Has Any Of These 6 Habits, They're A Perfectionist And Hard To Satisfy
The concept of 'perfect' is unattainable, no matter how hard you strive.
If You Have Any Of These Habits, You're A Perfectionist And Hard To Satisfy If perfectionism is subtly getting in the way of success, it's time to learn how to stop aiming to be perfect. We often think that wanting to do our best and ensuring that we always have our best foot forward are good things, right?
But when does that turn into a negative quality that prevents you from achieving your goals and holds you back, both personally and professionally? When you're unable to accept less than perfect from yourself and you're setting unrealistic professional and personal goals, the line has been crossed. You're moving into perfectionism territory.
Perfectionism can rob you of your happiness and ability to enjoy success. The good news is that you can be a high achiever without the demands of perfectionism.
If a person has any of these habits, they're a hard-to-satisfy perfectionist:
1. They procrastinate
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You're always putting things off for fear that you won’t get it right or there isn’t enough time to do your best. There's a tape playing in your head that's telling you that your work is not good enough, it's not up to par, and you should do better.
Be aware of that voice, recognize that they are just thoughts, and remind yourself that you have the choice of what you want to believe. Just be aware of the thoughts, notice them, and choose not to act on them or buy into them.
2. They make constant revisions
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Always feeling that you can do better and when you review your work, only seeing flaws goes along with this revisionist tendency. Constant revisions can hold you back by causing delays, hindering progress, creating indecision, and wasting time on repetitive edits. This can ultimately prevent you from finalizing projects and effectively moving on to new tasks.
Overthinking and constantly tweaking details can lead to paralysis, where you struggle to make a final decision, causing delays in completion. A 2021 study found this primarily stems from anxiety around making the wrong decision, leading individuals to overthink options and become paralyzed by the fear of choosing incorrectly.
Create a list of supportive, nurturing thoughts, such as, "I'm working hard and doing the best can. My best is good enough, people appreciate my hard work and it pays off, it’s better to complete this task than to continue to worry about it."
Repeating more supportive thoughts rather than negative thoughts helps to rewire the brain and break the habit of perfectionism.
3. They feel like they're not good enough
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Even your best could have been better. You struggle with seeing anything you produce as good enough and you hold yourself to unrealistic standards.
Remind yourself: do you want to feel anxious and stressed with perfectionist ideas? Or do you want to have balance in your life and be able to relax more? Taking a more moderate approach to your goals, rather than a black-and-white extreme approach, leads to a growth mindset.
A growth mindset can encourage you to embrace that you're constantly improving and growing. Things don’t have to be perfect to be and you can still enjoy yourself knowing that you're learning along the way.
4. They experience constant anxiety and stress at work and at home
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You're afraid your boss will not think your presentation was up to par, your house is not nice enough to have guests over, or that you're not an accomplished enough cook. The list goes on and you can’t enjoy your success, due to the constant internal dialogue telling you that you could have done better. Ruminations have made a home in your head.
Experiencing constant anxiety and stress at both work and home is significantly associated with adverse mental health outcomes, including increased risk of depression, burnout, and even physical health problems, with factors like high job demands, low control, work-life imbalance, and significant home stressors contributing to this phenomenon.
A 2023 article published by the American Psychological Association suggested mindfulness meditation, relaxation exercises, and regular physical activity can help individuals manage stress. Setting boundaries between work and personal life, utilizing flexible work arrangements, and taking regular breaks can be beneficial.
Instead of looking at your work with a critical eye and seeing flaws, challenge yourself to pause and look for what you're proud of and what you accomplished. Appreciate what you did well and what is positive about your work. Shifting your focus from a critical appraisal to a softer, more gentle appraisal can make a difference in how you feel about yourself and your work.
5. They have a negative self-appraisal
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You find it hard to accept compliments or don’t believe others when they compliment you. You doubt their sincerity and tell yourself, you could have done better. Your self-esteem suffers as a result of your unrealistic standards.
Your brain perceives criticism as a threat to your survival. Therefore, it's ineffective as a learning tool. You become guarded and are less likely to change your behavior.
There's an erroneous idea that perfectionism is the gold standard that helps you be the best you can be. In reality, it prevents you from achieving your goals and having a growth mindset, which allows for opportunities and improvements.
Modifying your perfectionist traits can have a positive impact on your psyche and emotional well-being. Cognitive-behavioral therapy can be very effective in helping you look at irrational thoughts and changing them to healthier, more supportive thoughts.
6. They're critical of themselves and others
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Your high standards lead you to be disappointed in yourself and others. You tend to focus on flaws and what is not working rather than seeing what went right in a project. People may be worried about disappointing you and feel that they never get it right with you.
Self-criticism is strongly linked to adverse mental health outcomes like depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Furthermore, a 2023 study found this tendency can manifest in being critical of others, often stemming from underlying insecurities or a need for self-protection. Mindfulness meditation helps individuals become aware of their self-critical thoughts without judgment, allowing them to challenge and reframe negative thinking patterns.
So, now that you know your perfectionism is a problem and getting in the way of your happiness and success, how do you change the behavior and modify your perfectionist traits?
You need to find more balance so you can better work towards being a high achiever, not a perfectionist.
Monica Ramunda is the owner of Rocky Mountain Counseling Services, with over 24 years of experience supporting individuals through anxiety, depression, and life transitions. Monica is also the co-founder of Wellness and Wisdom Journeys, offering transformative psychedelic retreats for women.