People Who Take Nothing Personally Have 11 Habits The Rest Of Us Should Adopt
By not taking things personally, you give yourself ultimate freedom.
Dmytro Zinkevych | Shutterstock On some level, being concerned about how you present to the rest of the world is part of being human. We all seek connection. We all want to be loved. Yet there's a difference between being considerate of your impact on other people and being so consumed with what they think that your entire sense of self-worth is at stake.
Showing up authentically means letting go of the need for external validation. This creates a healthy sense of distance between yourself and others, which is a key part of not taking things personally. People who take nothing personally have habits the rest of us should adopt, in order to live in alignment with our truest selves.
People who take nothing personally have these 11 habits the rest of us should adopt
1. They're self-accepting
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People who take nothing personally accept themselves for exactly who they are. They acknowledge their imperfections and integrate them into their self-perception, but they don't judge themselves for being flawed. They know that trying to be perfect is self-destructive and that trying to make everyone like them is a losing battle.
In accepting themselves fully, people who take nothing personally foster a strong sense of self-connection. According to a research article from Europe's Journal of Psychology, self-connection involves three core components: self-awareness, self-acceptance, and aligning the way you behave with your awareness of who you are.
The authors of the article described self-awareness as "knowing one's internal states, preference, resources, and intuitions," noting that knowing yourself is the first step to accepting yourself. They related the concept of self-acceptance to mindfulness: meeting yourself exactly where you are means being open and receptive to your present self, without forcing yourself to change or avoiding who you are.
People who accept themselves live according to their own values. The alignment of their inner and outer selves comes from their deep sense of self-connection. They don't need to prove themselves to anyone else. They give themselves grace and take nothing personally, a habit the rest of us should adopt.
2. They build positive support networks
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People who take nothing personally surround themselves with people who genuinely care about them. They avoid fake, surface-level friendships, because they know that those relationships don't actually nourish them. They cultivate their community to be uplifting and nurturing. They show up authentically in every relationship, because they know that their loved ones see them for who they are.
In contrast, people who do take things personally create relationships based on self-doubt and insecurity. They keep the strange, bright parts of their personality to themselves, for fear that they won't be accepted. They lack a true sense of connection with the people around them, which usually means they don't get the support they need.
Building a positive support network doesn't mean that everything is sunshine and rainbows all the time. Being a "good vibes only" person requires repressing your harder, darker thoughts and feelings, which isn't good for your mind, body, or soul. Instead, having a positive support network means that you have people to rely on when you're going through tough times. The people in your support network love you unconditionally, but they're also honest and sincere, and they don't avoid difficult conversations.
3. They define their worth on their own terms
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People who take nothing personally are masters of internal validation. They believe in their abilities, yet they know that they are more than what they can do. They believe that they hold inherent value, just by virtue of being alive. They set their own terms, and don't base their worth on anyone else's opinion of them.
They practice psychological distancing, a cognitive strategy in which they step back and remove themselves from their immediate reality. Psychological distancing doesn't mean disengaging or dissociating. It's a way to acknowledge the complicated intensity of our thoughts and feelings and give ourselves room to gain some perspective. There are various ways to create psychological distance that allow for healthy self-reflection, leading to greater clarity and growth.
With temporal distancing, you project yourself into the future and consider the timeline of your life. By placing yourself beyond your current situation, you can ask yourself if the issues you're facing will matter in a week, or a month, or years from now. Zooming out and seeing the full scope of your existence can enhance your ability to emotionally regulate and make decisions.
Psychological distance lets us change how we see ourselves and, in turn, how we feel. Reappraising our experience in different contexts is an essential part of the healing process.
4. They release their need for control
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People who take nothing personally have the habit of releasing their need to control other people's opinions of them. They're aware that they can't force others to accept them, so they don't try to do so. This doesn't mean that they're apathetic or nihilistic; rather, it means they understand that they can't control the lens that other people see them through.
Releasing the need to control other people's reactions could easily be conflated with not caring about how you affect others, but that interpretation will inevitably erode any emotional connections they have. Not taking things personally doesn't give you permission to do whatever you want or avoid accountability for causing harm. It means recognizing what you can control and releasing what you can't. Not taking things personally lets you exist authentically, without fear.
5. They ask for clarification during difficult conversations
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A habit of people who take nothing personally that the rest of us should adopt is asking for clarification during conversations about difficult things. They fully grasp the power of clear, direct communication and use it to their advantage. Instead of projecting their anxieties and insecurities onto something another person said, they ask them to clarify what they meant.
Asking for clarification closes the miscommunication gap, especially when you're navigating heightened emotions. Psychologist Guy Winch pointed out that asking people to offer more details is a key part of emotional validation.
"In order to validate someone's feelings we first have to gain a clear understanding of what their feelings are by giving them the space and time to express themselves, and by giving ourselves the space and time to understand their emotional experience by asking for clarifications and elaborations or posing open-ended questions to get more information," he explained.
6. They uphold boundaries
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By not taking anything personally, these individuals know themselves deeply enough to know exactly where their limits are. They believe boundaries are a transformative way to care for themselves and strengthen their connections with others. They also know that the process of establishing boundaries is simpler than sustaining them, especially when people push up against them.
Psychologist Nick Wignall pointed out that people who successfully set boundaries are also "willing to do the really hard work of enforcing that boundary when the time comes." Wignall explained, "Right or wrong, other people sometimes don't treat us well. Instead of wailing and gnashing your teeth about how unfair it is, you've got a decision: Either leave or do what you can to improve the situation with better boundaries."
People who take nothing personally refuse to bend or shift the parameters of their boundaries, which is how they protect their inner peace.
7. They trust themselves
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Another habit of people who take nothing personally that the rest of us should adopt is trusting themselves. Having a solid foundation of self-trust gives them self-confidence, as therapist Meg Josephson explained.
"For so many of us, self-trust wasn't really taught," she said. "Maybe a parent or a caregiver made all of your decisions for you or when you did make your own decisions, they were often criticized or rejected, and so you learned you can't rely on your own judgment."
"Building up our self-trust is really a practice of reconnecting with this part of ourselves that feels scared of making a mistake or doing something wrong and reteaching that sacred part that it is safe to tap into your inner guidance, starting with small, everyday decisions," Josephson concluded.
People who take nothing personally listen to their needs and meet them without apprehension, because they trust in their ability to care for themselves.
8. They practice mindfulness to stay present
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People who take nothing personally practice mindfulness, never ruminating on the past or projecting into the future. They understand that staying present is the only part of their existence they can control. Being mindful affords them grace and self-compassion. They try not to judge themselves for decisions they made in the past. They acknowledge that they did their best with the skills and information they had at the time.
Living without regrets runs counter to our natural instincts. We're more likely to hold onto the mistakes we've made than celebrate ourselves for getting through. Mindfulness shows us how to forgive ourselves and it keeps us from worrying about what is to come. Sitting with ourselves, just as we are, leads us to a life where we take nothing personally.
9. They disrupt their negative thought patterns
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Everyone has an inner critic, yet some people's critics are louder than others, which makes them harder to ignore. People who take nothing personally catch themselves before their negative feedback loop overpowers their thinking. They talk back to their critic, reminding themselves that they are more than the sum of their flaws.
According to psychologist Yvette Erasmus, turning kindness inward when your inner critic takes hold is the way to break free. "Remember that this voice is not 'who you are' but instead is a protective (but misguided) part of yourself that is trying to help you," she explained. "Left to run wild, this voice can be quite toxic to your well-being as it amplifies your self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-trust."
Writing down what your inner critic says will interrupt and redirect it, since "getting it out of your head and onto paper is a helpful way to disidentify from it–to relocate it from inside of you to outside of you." Erasmus shared that "speaking to yourself in an accepting and tender way" can retrain how you think about yourself. By being gentle with yourself and rewriting your narrative from a place of compassion, you're creating space to love yourself more.
10. They're intentional in their responses
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People who take nothing personally have a habit of being intentional in their responses. They see conversations as a way to cultivate intimacy, share their experiences, and validate other people's perspectives. They carefully consider what they want to say before they say it, and they have no problem asking for more time to process before sharing what they think.
Being intentional involves listening to others and absorbing what they say, without assigning your own meaning. Hearing how someone else sees the world can widen your own view. Accepting their beliefs as valid, even if you don't agree, is a way to truly embody the concept of not taking anything personally.
11. They have gratitude for the challenges they face
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People who take nothing personally see hardships as opportunities to learn more about themselves and grow into a more fully realized version of themselves. When their lives take a turn for the worse, they don't complain that the world is unfair or blame other people. They know that everyone gets hit with hard times, so they cultivate gratitude to carry themselves through the storm.
Practicing gratitude shifts their perspective. Whenever they feel hurt or they worry about losing their way, they try to find something to be grateful for, even if it's small. Holding onto those silver linings gives them strength. Their gratitude is a reminder that darkness isn't permanent and light will always appear.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.