9 Subtle Habits To Make People Instantly Follow And Listen To You, According To Psychology
Don’t do what most people think they should do to be heard.
SeventyFour | Canva Look for their body language to understand if the other person is paying attention or listening to you. Do they seem to be nodding their head or seem interested in what you are saying? If not, ask them how they feel about it to get them back into the conversation.
I’ve noticed something interesting about the people others listen to and follow. They don’t do what most people think they should do to be heard. Through years of observation as a personal coach and my awkward attempts to be heard, I've learned what works.
Here are the nine unexpected habits that make people want to listen to you:
1. Talk less than you think you should
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Most people talk too much because they’re afraid of being ignored or considered dumb. But the more you talk, the less weight your words carry. Be the one who speaks only when you have something to say. Your silence builds anticipation.
2. Drop the act
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If you don’t know, be willing to say you don’t. People are far more likely to listen to a human than an ‘expert.’ You don’t lose if you admit your gaps. You attract twice as much.
Studies referenced by researchers from Queen's University suggest that, in many cases, people trust those willing to say, “I don't know.” It helps you avoid confirmation bias, which is when people seek evidence confirming their beliefs and prevent evidence that shows they don't know enough. If you admit you don't know, you can invite others to work with you to find the answer.
3. Let silence do the talking
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I know what it’s like to feel uncomfortable with silence. That squirmy feeling that makes you want to talk about the weather.
When you make a point, let it hang there. Don’t rush to fill the space. The ones who can sit comfortably in silence after speaking are the ones who command attention.
4. Say the uncomfortable thing
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Look around you. Most people are playing it safe, saying what they think they should say. It’s becoming seemingly impossible because everyone’s terrified of being canceled. When you dare to say what everyone’s thinking but won’t say, people will swarm to you like gnats to a lantern on a porch.
Embracing discomfort in communication can lead to personal growth, greater openness to new information, and improved ability to navigate challenging situations, even though it might initially feel awkward or damaging. Research from a 2022 study published in Psychological Science suggests that actively seeking out discomfort, like engaging with opposing viewpoints, can lead to a more nuanced understanding of complex issues.
5. Break your own rules sometimes
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Notice how many people stick rigidly to formulas and scripts. But those to whom people are drawn to are comfortable going off-script. They’ll sometimes interrupt their own point to share a contradictory thought. This unpredictability (and humanity) makes people lean in.
6. Let others be wrong
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Most people can’t resist correcting others when they hear something wrong. They jump in with “actually…” and kill the conversation dead. Those who command real attention let others be wrong sometimes. They know not every mistake needs fixing.
Letting others be wrong can foster healthier relationships by promoting respect, psychological safety, and a sense of openness. Actively trying to prove someone wrong can often strain interactions and hinder communication. A 2022 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: Interpersonal Relations and Group Processes concluded this is particularly important when changing someone's mind isn't the primary goal, allowing for diverse perspectives within a group.
7. Speak from scars, not wounds
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I see people sharing raw, unprocessed stuff all the time, thinking it makes them more relatable. But here’s what I’ve noticed: people listen more to those who’ve processed and moved on from tough experiences. Share what you’ve learned from pain, not pain that’s still burning.
8. Have the guts to say something firmly
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Most people speak like they’re missing a backbone. Their words are bubble wrapped, with a tendency to protect their butts with various uses of the phrase: ‘kind of.’ They water down their message, trying to make it safer. But those who command attention have the courage to say it with conviction, even if it feels risky.
Having the courage to speak with conviction means confidently expressing your beliefs and opinions, even when facing potential disagreement or opposition. A 2021 article published in Social Justice Research found it also means demonstrating a strong commitment to your message and a willingness to stand by it, regardless of others' reactions.
9. Care less about being heard
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I know it sounds backward. But this is the biggest secret of all. The moment you stop trying so hard to be heard is often the moment people start listening.
This doesn’t mean you stop sharing. You just speak with sincerity rather than from a need to be validated. And you don’t rush, waving your arms around trying to be seen.
Drop the deep-rooted need.Speak because you have something to say, not because you need to be heard. Being listened to isn’t about speaking louder or knowing more. It’s about being comfortable enough with yourself to stop performing and start being honest.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.