10 Tiny Habits That Will Make You More Empowered Than 99% Of People

Many women have a voice and don’t feel heard. One of the most important needs you have is to be known. What you have to say allows other people to be in your world and understand you. You matter. Your experience and viewpoint are unique to you. Sharing it can make a difference in your life and the lives of others. What you have to say is a contribution to the Conversation. The greatest form of intimacy is communication. Empower your story.

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Here are 10 tiny habits that will make you more empowered than 99% of people.

1. Discover yourself.

When it comes to women's empowerment, it's all about speaking up from your inner voice. Yet, despite feminism, equal rights, and the need for empowering women with strong female role models being such hot topics today, many strong women still have trouble finding ways to feel a truly empowered sense of self-esteem within themselves.

For example, do you have difficulty knowing who you are and what you stand for? Have you been dismissed and ignored? Did someone make you feel what you had to say wasn't interesting or worth listening to? Did you feel like what you had to say wasn't good enough? If you answered "Yes," there’s no doubt you’ve had challenges finding and using your voice. You may have been humiliated or punished as a child. You may have been taught that what you had to say wasn't worthwhile.

Could you take some time to reflect on who you are? How are you feeling? Ask yourself, “What do I want? What do I need?" But, if looking at who you are is not working for you, try the next one.

2. Identify the current situation.

Whether you were told to shut up or whether it was implied by your parents, teachers, an authority figure, a friend, or a boyfriend, you know you’re ready to find empowerment and use your voice. Look at what you don’t like about what’s happening in your life and come up with the opposites. You may see yourself through this different perspective.

• "If I don’t like______, then that means I like________."
• "If I’m not_________, then I might be_______."

Give it a shot!

3. Get to your "why".

Why do you want to find your voice? Do this:

• Take a piece of paper and write: "What about finding my voice is important to me?"
• Then take whatever the answer was to the question above and use it to fill in the blank for the next time you ask: "What about________________is important to me?"

Continue with this process seven times, and you will get a deeper understanding of yourself. Understanding yourself is meaningful and supports your moving forward.

4. Figure out the obstacles you will face if you claim and use your voice.

Consider what might get in the way of moving forward with finding and using your voice. It could be some fear of rocking the boat since you’d be doing something different. Maybe you think people won’t take you seriously.

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5. Write your own rules.

Whose rules are you living by? How have you lost yourself in following someone else’s guidelines that didn't allow you to have a voice? Can you come up with a set of rules that are in sync with who you are and what you stand for?

6. Figure out whose approval is most important to you.

How have you sacrificed yourself to get approval from others? Some of the typical things you have heard include:

• "You are to be seen, not heard. (Meaning you have to look good and be perfect.)
• "Be ladylike." (Read: Don't speak up and be quiet.)
• "Silence is golden."

Or maybe you were told to:

• "Hush."
• "Shush."
• "Clam up."
• "Pipe down."
• "Hold your tongue."
• "Shut your trap."
• "Shut your face."
• "Put a lid on it."
• "Stifle."
• "Dummy up."

What happens to girls who get the message that what they have to say is not important? They end up feeling like men are more important and women should listen. They end up feeling powerless because not having a voice leaves them invisible. They end up having a fake front and accommodating everyone. How is avoiding disapproval getting in the way of you finding your voice?

7. Own your story.

Love and respect yourself as you identify what you’ve gone through. This challenge will lead you to accept yourself. You will no longer feel the need to prove yourself to anyone.

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8. Accept yourself.

You may be the one telling yourself to shut up. Stop judging and criticizing yourself so you will stop shutting yourself down.

9. Be true to yourself.

What are your priorities? What are your values? What will it take for you to live in alignment with your values? Commit to living to what’s important to you.

10. Use your imagination.

Try a rehearsal. Practice using your voice while talking to the person/people you’d like to speak up with. If you need a little inspiration, try Brene Brown’s "Manifesto of the Brave and Brokenhearted" from her book, Rising Strong. Read this out loud! Use your voice! Live true to yourself!

Manifesto Of The Brave And Brokenhearted

"There is no greater threat to the critics cynics and fearmongers Than those of us who are willing to fall Because we have learned how to rise. With skinned knees and bruised hearts; We choose to own our stories of struggle, Over hiding, over hustling, over pretending. When we deny our stories, they define us. When we run from struggle, we are never free. So we turn toward truth and look it in the eye.

"We will not be characters in our stories. Not villains, not victims, not even heroes. We are the authors of our lives. We write our daring endings. We craft love from heartbreak, Compassion from shame, Grace from disappointment, Courage from failure.

"Showing up is our power. The story is our way home. Truth is our song. We are the brave and brokenhearted. We are rising strong. Here’s to you reclaiming your voice!"

Photo: simona pilolla 2 via Shutterstock

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Mary Guay is a certified professional coach and a certified story coach, who works with individuals and small groups to create connections and community.