Groom's Mother Wants Him To Place An Empty Chair At His Second Wedding To Honor His First Wife
"I already healed."
Mirage_studio / Shutterstock Moving on from a relationship after your partner passed away can be painful and bittersweet. The love you had for your first partner never goes away, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't invite new love into your life.
One man was ready to move forward, but his family tried to keep him stuck in the past.
After losing his first wife, a man found love again and planned his second marriage.
The soon-to-be groom took to Reddit to share some of his story and ask for suggestions regarding his situation.
“My first wife passed away 12 [years] ago, and I was really young at that time,” he wrote in the since-deleted post. “It’s been hard for me to move on, but I did my best to get over the loss and move on. I loved her in the past, but it’s my past now, and I need to live in the present for myself. I found another love.”
“I met my girlfriend seven years ago,” he said proudly. “I don’t really name my first wife except on occasions when I tell an anecdote where she is there, and I don’t have pictures or anything of her in my home. I want to give my girlfriend the place she deserves.”
Because of his upcoming wedding, this man faced an uncomfortable decision. “I’m going to get married in November. At first, I didn’t know whether to invite my first wife’s family because I didn’t know if they would want to attend,” he explained. “I don’t talk with them except for a text every few months, but her mother was the one who texted me to tell me she would be very happy to go so I ended up inviting her and her husband.”
"They kind of invited themselves," he added, "and I have problems saying no."
At the request of his former in-law, the man's mother suggested they honor his late wife at his upcoming wedding.
“[Over] the weekend, we were putting some things together, and my mother told me that it would be good to put an extra chair in honor of my first wife," he shared. "That was an idea of my late wife’s mother, but she didn’t [talk] about that with me first but with my mother."
The groom was unsure of this idea since he was trying to make the wedding all about his bride-to-be. He assumed his mother would just forget about the idea and move on, but instead, she came up with something else.
“My mother said that then I should include photos of me with my first wife when they show the typical video of the bride and groom as they grow up,” he shared. “I even find [it] disrespectful for my girlfriend to [see] pictures of my first wife when I’m getting married again, let alone make a whole video about those times. It’s just weird to me.”
“I want that moment to be my girlfriend and mine,” he said. “I already had that moment with my first wife years ago. Now I want to have this moment with her.”
Despite his family’s wishes, now is the perfect time to truly move on.
Although this groom’s family wants his late wife to be a part of his upcoming wedding, this is likely a better time to focus on the new love he has found.
ProWeddingStudio / Shutterstock
Writing for The National Widowers Association, Christine Baumgartner said, “It’s important to not compare a new relationship with the one you had with your wife. It will be a different love, as it should be. You will love this new person with a love that is unique to her. She deserves a love that’s based on who she is.”
While this man will always hold love for his first wife, this wedding is not about her. Instead, it’s about starting a new life with his new love. That’s what should be celebrated.
His first wife is not being ignored or dishonored by any means. He is simply choosing to respect whose day it really is.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.