32 Glaring Signs You're The Facebook Friend Everyone Dislikes
Ever wondered why so many people keep unfriending you? Here's why.
Masson/ Shutterstock Do you ever get the feeling that you’re “that friend” on Facebook?
You know, the one who drives everyone else absolutely insane?
If you’re not sure, don’t worry: consider this list your unofficial diagnostic test.
Here are 32 glaring signs you are the Facebook friend everyone dislikes:
1. You have no concept of what it means to over-share
Particularly when it comes to your relationships and the contents of your children’s diapers.
2. You caption your selfies with inspirational quotes
I don't want to see a selfie of you with the caption, "Live, laugh, love."
3. You are homophobic, racist, transphobic, or misogynistic
Did you really think we would agree with you?
4. You have never fact-checked anything in your life
Google is free.
5. You frequently post vague and alarming status updates like, “Worst day ever. Can’t believe that just happened. I am in total shock right now. What is this world coming to?!”
Are you asking us? On a Facebook status?
6. You have no idea that The Onion is a satirical news source
Do you even know what sarcasm is?
7. You believe in “energy”, “positive vibes”, and “auras”
It's great that you believe in all that, but I don't want to see it.
8. You humblebrag
I don't want to see this either.
9. You get involved in “mommy wars”
No one cares that you think your baby is cuter than Martha's.
10. You share photos with captions that read, “Hi, I’m Jayden, and I’m five. I’m dying of cancer, and if this photo gets 2 million likes, my parents will take me to the hospital!”
Jayden is not real.
11. You genuinely believe that “1 Like = 1 Prayer”
That is not how that works
12. You have never bothered to learn the difference between “your” and “you’re”
Come on, you know how to spell.
13. You regularly post countdowns to trips, and weddings, and the next time you’ll see your significant other (six hours and counting!)
Yay! Now put this in your calendar, not my Facebook wall.
15. You have extreme religious or political views, and you have no qualms about BROADCASTING THEM ALL IN CAPS LOCK
It's TOO EARLY FOR ALL OF THAT.
16. Your most abused hashtag is “#blessed”
I think you could stand to be a little less #blessed.
17. You invite people to play FarmVille
No one plays that game.
18. You post incessantly about whatever period scheme or “multi-level marketing” product you’re hawking this month
Do you not know what a scam is?
19. You would describe yourself as “quirky” or “goofy”
No one is that quirky in real life.
20. You know nothing about Marilyn Monroe, yet you do not hesitate to attribute any number of your favorite “inspirational quotes” to her
She did not say all of that.
21. You post photos of every token of affection you’ve ever received from your significant other
The best relationships are kept private.
22. You write rude, sassy little “letters” about random events that have upset you during the day
(ie. “Dear mail carrier, thanks for NOT closing my mailbox lid properly. Now my coupons are soaking wet. Signed, a very mad coupon queen!!!!”)
23. You regularly complain about the so-called decline of the customer service industry
They're not declining, you're just rude.
24. You get into online arguments
How has the energy to fight with strangers online?
25. You upload “candid” photos of you and your friends doing things that are very obviously staged, like throwing autumn leaves into the air and laughing uproariously about it
This does not look as authentic as you think it does.
26. You “hate drama”
Funny, how you're the one always causing some.
27. You congratulate your friends for surviving your Facebook clean sweeps
(ie. “I just deleted a ton of people from Facebook, so if you can read this, congratulations. You’re one of my real friends.”)
28. You believe in the concept of a “real woman”
What does that even mean?
29. You post rude comments on celebrities’ public Facebook pages
They're not gonna see them.
30. Your Facebook page is essentially a shrine to your significant other or your baby
You should more time with them in the real world.
31. You have been told that you need a lot of attention
And you have the nerve to not believe it.
32. You are a conspiracy theorist
Actually keep posting about these, because they're hilarious to read.
The Gloss aimed to bring style and substance together to its readers, along with blending fashion, beauty, and feminism with a smart, offbeat wit.