Woman Who Was Gentle-Parented As A Child Explains How It Impacted Her In Adulthood — 'I'm So Happy To Be Alive'
She admitted that through her parents' kindness, her self-confidence as an adult blossomed.
imtmphoto | Shutterstock Whether we like it or not, our parents' actions when we're children can often have a major impact on the type of adults we become. They pass down not only their genetics but also their behaviors, values, and, in some cases, their trauma as well. It's why working to understand and heal from their own experiences is a valuable asset to parenthood.
A woman named Noor Elanss admitted in a TikTok video that, as a child, her parents chose to lead with kindness and empathy. She recalled how their parenting style while she was growing up led to her becoming a secure and confident adult.
She was gentle-parented as a child and explained how it impacted her in adulthood.
"I'm an immigrant child who was gentle-parented, and as an adult, I'm vibing," Noor began in her video. She explained that as an adult, she finds happiness in being alive, and it's all because her parents took the time to nurture her emotionally instead of being rigid and cold.
In immigrant families, especially in those in marginalized communities, it's almost unheard of for parents to prioritize their children's emotional well-being over their strict adherence to traditional norms.
It's common for immigrant parents to put a lot of unrealistic standards on their first-generation children, pressuring them to excel academically or professionally as a means of validating the sacrifices they made to secure their children a better future by moving to a different country.
Because of this, many first-generation children often have unresolved trauma that follows them into adulthood, and while immigrant parents have good intentions by trying to instill a strong work ethic and drive for success, it often ends up creating more problems for the children as they reach adulthood.
But for Noor, her immigrant parents chose to take a different route. She shared one thing that distinguished her parents was their kindness.
"They were so kind to me. Never once have I walked into a room thinking, 'Do I deserve to be here?' because growing up, my parents always told me how proud they were of me and that I could accomplish anything that I wanted to."
Noor continued, recalling that throughout her life and adulthood, she's never made a decision and thought to herself what others would think of her because she grew up hearing that other's opinions of her are not her business.
Her parents' constant reassurance and kindness became her 'inner voice.'
"Because they were so kind to me, my inner voice is kind. The voices that I hear in my head are supportive and encouraging, and they're nice," Noor said. "I want to share with everyone. I want everyone to know what it's like to have a kind and compassionate mind for your inner speech and the way you speak to yourself."
All children want is to be heard and validated instead of feeling judged or dismissed. They crave a safe space. As children get older, their self-confidence and validation grow because of having a safe space provided by their parents and families.
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"I truly believe that you can find inner peace and happiness through kindness," Noor added. In an interview with Psych Central, Laura Fonseca, a licensed clinical social worker, explained that having a secure attachment and trust between you and your child can create a deeper sense of intimacy.
"When you validate a child’s experience, you are letting them know they have a safe space to talk and process what they experienced," said Fonseca.
Similarly, Kate Monahan, a developmental psychologist and certified family life educator, added, "Understanding one’s own emotions promotes healthy psychological development by teaching a child to pay attention to their emotional states."
It might seem self-explanatory, but there are some parents out there who don't realize that all their child needs is to be loved and cherished unconditionally, regardless of achievements or failures.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.