Why So Many Gen-X People Are Hitting A Midlife Career Crisis — 'We Feel Trapped And Restless'
It’s normal to feel trapped and restless in your 40s and 50s — it’s a sign you’re evolving and growing.
Toa Heftiba | Unsplash As Phil Collins sang, I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord. There’s something in the air that I’ve noticed both because I experienced it personally in my mid-40s, and now I see many other Gen-X people in their 40s and 50s experiencing it. There’s a feeling, a stirring, a restlessness. A feeling of questioning so many things — if not everything — at this point in our lives.
The place that so many Gen-X people seem to be experiencing this mid-life crisis most intensely is in their careers.
I know that the stirring and restlessness I experienced in my mid-to-late- 40’s was rooted in my deep dissatisfaction with my life as a “successful federal government lawyer.” Although being a federal government lawyer may have felt attractive and cool when I was in my 20’s, that all started to fade as I got older.
It didn’t feel like where I was supposed to be. I felt like I’d sacrificed a lot of what was important to me in the name of having this career. And, by the time I was about 45, I didn’t know who I was anymore.
So, you might say (as Phil Collins sang):
I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you’ve been
It’s all been a pack of lies.
For me, spending 20+ years in my career as a lawyer felt like a pack of lies. And it left me feeling like I was standing at a crossroads: Am I going to burn out, or break free?
I imagine that if you’re a Gen-X person reading this, you may be able to relate to that. And if you’re like me — and Freddie Mercury — you want to break free.
But, unlike our dude Phil, who was unwilling to lend a hand to his drowning friend, I’m here to lend a hand to other Gen-X people who feel like they’re drowning in their careers at this point in life. So, here is your Gen-X Midlife Career Crisis Survival Guide.
That midlife Gen-X career slump you’re in is common
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That feeling of being trapped and burnt out in your career in your 40s and 50s is often referred to as the “midlife career crisis.” It’s that moment when you start questioning everything — your career choices, your life’s purpose, and whether the daily grind is worth it.
You might find yourself wondering what happened to that young, independent Gen-X person who thought they could change the world or who was full of big dreams and ambitions. Maybe you started in a career that lit you up like E.T.’s heartlight, but, as the years passed, that heartlight started to fade. And now, you’re stuck in a proverbial rut.
It’s like trying to fit into a pair of skinny jeans from the ’90s. You keep hoping that they’ll fit because they’re what you have in the closet. You don’t want to take the time and effort to find a new pair of jeans — they’re a perfectly good pair of jeans! But they're also too tight.
Let me reassure you: you’re not the only one trying to squeeze back into those skinny jeans. The midlife career crisis is a real thing. You’re not alone.
It’s important to normalize this. Our 40s and 50s are a time of reflection. We’ve accumulated life experiences. We’ve spent the first half of our lives trying to “fit” into certain standards.
And now, as we approach this phase of life, we’re starting to question those standards. We’re becoming more in tune with our values and desires. So, it’s a natural part of our journey to question if our current path aligns with who we’ve become.
It’s also common to feel a values misalignment in mid-life
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Often, what we’re experiencing in this midlife career crisis is a misalignment between our current values and our career. The things that used to matter may not hold the same weight anymore. Perhaps family, personal growth, or giving back to the community have taken on new importance. When the thing that we spend the vast majority of our days doing — work — doesn’t align with these values, it can lead to that trapped, restless feeling.
But here’s the exciting part: recognizing that misalignment is the first step toward positive change. It’s an opportunity to rediscover your values and realign them with your career choices. It’s your chance to reinvent, reinvigorate, and rekindle your passion.
By now, you might be saying, “Great, Michele. You’ve told me that this is all normal and that I’m likely out of alignment with my values. What the heck do I do now?” The values misalignment you’re experiencing requires that you throw out what no longer works and find what does.
Lemme throw another nostalgia metaphor at you. Have you ever listened to an old mixtape you made and realized, “What was I thinking with those songs?” Sure, those songs made you bust out your best American Bandstand moves when you were younger because they had a good beat, and you could dance to them. But maybe now, you’ve outgrown all of those tracks that you used to think were so awesome. Maybe now, you’re into John Legend instead of Milli Vanilli.
When you realize that the old mixtape no longer makes you want to get out on the dancefloor, it’s time to create a new one — a better one.
Translation: it’s time to throw out what no longer works for you. The stories and values that don’t serve you or that maybe were never yours to begin with are like that old mixtape. You used to play them on repeat … and now it’s time for them to go so that you can replace them with new ones that are more in keeping with who you are now.
“But wait,” you say. “We Gen-X people love our nostalgia. I don’t want to throw out that old mixtape. I may want to listen to it again.”
I hear you, but my sweet, nostalgic Gen-X person, it may be time to Marie Kondo the old worn-out mixtapes that keep you feeling trapped and restless. We’re nostalgic; we’re not hoarders. Let that stuff go.
Trust me…once you find a new playlist (new values and stories), you’ll be glad you let the old mixtape go. So, how do you create that new playlist?
Well, before we do that, how about you enjoy an actual new playlist that brings in some old school Gen-X nostalgia? Listen to my Gen-X Soul playlist on Spotify. It might be just what you need to inspire you to do the work required in the Survival Guide.
Surviving the Gen-X midlife career crisis
Navigating this midlife career crisis and finding a new playlist begins with self-discovery and a willingness to explore new possibilities. I know you can do that…you’re a strong-willed Gen-X person. You won’t let a little self-discovery get in your way of bushwhacking a new path forward out of your midlife career crisis!
Seek professional support, like through coaching or mentorship. Coaches and mentors can help you brainstorm, devise a path forward, and hold you accountable to take actions that move you forward out of your rut.
Gen-X people may have been raised on rugged individualism … and that’s an old mixtape that needs to go. Now is not the time for you to navigate this phase by yourself.
Surround yourself with like-minded individuals who understand your journey. This can help remind you that you’re not alone. I’m sure that you have a friend or 20 who are experiencing something similar. Reach out to them and form a little support group or weekly check-in.
Start a mindfulness practice. No — mindfulness will not “fix” your current situation. It can, however, help you find the presence and peace to navigate your current situation with more clarity.
Mindfulness is an invitation to allow space for everything that you’re experiencing. Rediscover and realign with your core values. This is where the rubber hits the road. If you want to move through this phase of life with more direction and purpose, you’ll want to be guided by a North Star. And that North Star is your Core Values.
Remember, it’s normal to feel trapped and restless in your 40s and 50s. It’s a sign that you’re evolving and growing. Embrace it as a chance to rediscover what truly matters to you and to make choices that reflect your authentic self.
You don’t need to torture yourself by trying to squeeze into those old skinny jeans. And you certainly deserve a new soundtrack for your life — one that represents what’s most important to you and allows you to put on the boogie shoes that will guide you down that bold new path.
Michele L. Walter, a former U.S. Department of Justice attorney, started her own business as a Certified Professional Coach and Mindfulness Meditation Teacher at 49. As the owner of Life From The Summit, writer, and host of The Gen-X Shift podcast, she helps overwhelmed Gen-X people figure out what comes next with clarity and purpose.
