7 Subtle Gaslighting Behaviors People Use To Unfairly Belittle Your Emotions
Someone is trying to undermine your emotions by gaslighting you.
Alexander Suhorucov | Canva In both personal relationships and professional environments, we all come across difficult people that we find challenging to be around.
They annoy you, first. Then they disrespect you, get under your skin, and gaslight you in an attempt to unfairly belittle your emotions. When this happens, it’s because that person has violated your dignity. Crossing the line of the conventional norms or just disregarding the boundaries you’ve established in that particular relationship.
Let’s look at these gaslighting behaviors and identify where this might be happening to you personally or professionally. As you read, notice what tension shows up in your body and how you react, as you consider who in your life might be the biggest offender.
Here are subtle gaslighting behaviors people use to unfairly belittle your emotions:
1. They constantly interrupt
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Continual interruption in conversation is a sign your words are not being valued. Interrupting during a conversation is widely perceived as a sign of being undermined.
A study published in Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes explained that it conveys a lack of respect for the speaker's thoughts and opinions, making them feel devalued, dismissed, and unimportant. This could impact their self-esteem and confidence in the interaction.
2. They purposely minimize or ignore your needs
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When someone consistently ignores or minimizes your needs and feelings, it indicates a lack of respect. Neglecting your own needs can be a significant sign of being undermined, as it often stems from a dynamic where someone else's priorities are consistently prioritized over your own, leading to feelings of devaluation, low self-esteem, and potential mental health concerns like anxiety and depression.
According to a 2022 study, this is particularly prevalent when individuals feel pressured to prioritize others' needs at their own expense, undermining their sense of agency and self-worth.
3. They flake on commitments or fail to keep promises
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Consistently failing to keep promises or flaking on commitments can show a disregard for your time and effort. Unreliable behavior, especially when it's consistent and targeted toward a specific person, can be a significant sign of being undermined.
A 2006 study concluded that it can negatively impact self-esteem, trust, and overall well-being, often manifesting as feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and decreased motivation. This is particularly prevalent in workplace dynamics, where such behavior can be used to sabotage someone's credibility or progress.
4. They make inappropriate comments
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Regularly making belittling comments about your personal attributes or professional contributions is a clear disrespect indicator. According to a 2024 study, inappropriate comments, especially critical, demeaning, or belittling, can be a significant sign of being undermined.
They can negatively affect self-esteem, confidence, job satisfaction, and overall mental well-being, as they often signify a deliberate attempt to diminish someone's credibility or value in a social or professional setting.
5. They overstep boundaries
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Disregarding your privacy or personal space, such as going through your belongings or your phone without permission, is a major red flag. When someone oversteps their boundaries, it can be a clear sign of being undermined.
According to a 2012 study, this can lead to feelings of disrespect, decreased autonomy, and potential negative impacts on self-esteem, trust, and overall mental well-being, particularly when the boundary violations are repeated or deliberate. This is especially relevant in workplace dynamics, where power imbalances can exacerbate the issue.
6. They undermine or guilt-trip you
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Employing guilt trips or gaslighting to question your reality undermines your self-esteem shows a lack of respect and violates your dignity.
Manipulative tactics, particularly those like gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and constant criticism, are strong signs of being undermined, leading to significant impacts on self-esteem, causing individuals to doubt their perceptions and reality, and ultimately contributing to feelings of powerlessness and anxiety within a relationship or situation.
A 2022 study concluded that being consistently undermined by manipulative tactics can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and feelings of isolation.
7. They publicly humiliate you
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Deliberately embarrassing you in front of others, whether through jokes or criticisms, is disrespectful and damaging to your confidence, value, and self-worth.
Public humiliation is often perceived as a strong sign of being undermined, significantly impacting self-esteem, causing feelings of powerlessness, and potentially leading to negative emotions like anger, resentment, and even depression.
A 2013 study explained that this can especially happen when the humiliation is seen as unjust and occurs in a public setting where one's social standing is affected.
The challenge is to assert yourself. After all, the more you let someone cross those boundaries without calling them on it, the worse the festering and fuming will become on your part. Eventually, it takes a toll on your self-esteem and self-worth which can crater your confidence.
As you assert boundaries with those around you, it teaches others how to treat you, fostering relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.
Whether at work or in your personal life, remember that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and asserting your boundaries is a fundamental right—not a privilege.
Michele Molitor, CPCC, CHt, is a certified coach, hypnotherapist, and co-author of the book I Am Perfectly Flawsome - How Embracing Imperfection Makes Us Better. She coaches high-achieving professionals in reducing their overwhelm and reclaiming their self-confidence, calm, and clarity to create a thriving life and career.