Funeral Director Shares 10 Significant Life Lessons Most People Don’t Realize Until It’s Too Late
After years in the funeral industry, she's seen it all — and most of us are focused on the wrong things.
HBRH | Shutterstock It is so easy to get so wrapped up in the daily grind that you forget that one day, life will be over. How many things would we do differently if we had an end-of-life perspective while we're right in the middle of it all?
A funeral director knows a thing or two about all of this and has some poignant lessons to share about what she's learned about life from death.
The funeral director shared 10 life lessons that most of us don't realize until it's too late:
"No one on his deathbed ever said, 'I wish I'd spent more time at the office,'" the old saying goes. It's a bit of a cliché and easy to ignore, given how central work has to be to our lives in these economic times.
But clichés usually become clichés because they contain a kernel of truth. Melissa, a veteran funeral director, is on a mission to help people realize this so they can live their lives now instead of reflecting on what they wish they had done when they had the chance.
"I'm a funeral director, and I have learned things about life that most people do not realize until it's too late," she said in a recent video. "Let me save you the regret." She then shared 10 vital lessons she's learned, from the most basic reminders to deep truths about life we ignore all too easily.
1. You're going to die someday.
This is, of course, unavoidably obvious, but Melissa said a lot of us are in denial about it. "It does seem like everybody thinks it's never gonna happen to them," she said. But, she added, "roughly 150,000 people do not have a tomorrow." Step one is acknowledging this unavoidable truth.
2. Everyone you love is going to die too.
"It's a fact, so don't get mad at me," she said. "That's your reminder to call your parents; call your friends. Make time because one day, time will just make that choice for you."
3. You are not too busy — you are just prioritizing the wrong things.
"I see it all the time," she said. "People grieving over people they barely made time for. And that, my friend, is a type of grief and pain that is so indescribable — and so avoidable."
It's a simple truth that how we spend our time and energy is a choice, and we must make it wisely.
4. Most of what you're chasing will not matter.
"Sorry, money, status, the perfect image — none of it matters, none of it follows you," she said. "And I assure you that nobody is going to be standing over your casket talking about what car you drove."
She went on to tell of all the people she's buried with "untouched" retirement funds and vacations they never took — people who worked and worked and never played, right up to the end. "People at your funeral aren't gonna talk about what you owned or what you looked like. They're gonna talk about the way you made them feel… So choose wisely," she said.
5. We will all be a memory sooner than we think.
If you're like most people, that sounds dark and foreboding, but Melissa urged people to reframe it. "That should not sound depressing," she said. "No, no, no. That should sound liberating." We only get one go-around at this whole thing — to our knowledge anyway. "So why the [heck] are you not running like you are on fire, chasing your wildest dreams?"
6. The universe isn't gonna fix anything for you.
"No one's coming to rescue you," Melissa said in a follow-up video. "You hate your job, you hate your relationship, you hate your life, you got two choices: You can make a change, or you can stay the same." She went on to say that she's seen "too many people wait for someday and that someday never came. That doesn't have to be you."
7. No one's thinking about you as much as you think they are.
Boy, do we all need to hear this! "You're too afraid to take risks, to look stupid, to fail because you think people are gonna judge you when the truth is, no one really cares," she said. It's true — they're too busy thinking about what YOU think of THEM!
"Do the thing," she went on to say. "I'll tell you, I've been to a lot of funerals, and nobody talks about your excuses. They just talk about the things you did do."
8. The true goal in life is contentment, not happiness.
"Happiness is not a destination, and people will go their whole lives chasing it," she said. Most of us get caught up in trying to be happy — to obtain whatever our idea of a "perfect" life is. But that doesn't exist — as she put it, "the truth is, life is hard," and the goal, she says, should simply be to "create a life where you don't lose yourself in the hard parts." That's success.
9. Any time could be your last time.
This goes for every good thing in our lives, even the mundane ones. "The last time you got on your bike and rode to your friend's house to play in their yard — you didn't know it was the last time, but it was, and that could apply to everything in your life," Melissa said.
I say this as someone who never got around to responding to his favorite aunt's last Facebook message — do what Melissa said and be present in even the seemingly insignificant moments. It matters in the end.
10. Eventually, your body will betray you, no matter how long you live.
"You very well may survive for a longer time in this life than others," she said. But it's important to remember, "those things you take for granted, like walking, dancing, hugging, even eating, seeing, talking, remembering things — they will slowly slip away. When that day comes, you will wish that you had lived fully while your body still let you."
She tacked on a final addendum that might be the most important lesson of all. "Fearing death is not gonna stop it from coming," she said, "but it is gonna stop you from truly living. Let it be a reminder, not a limitation."
That's a reminder we all need, especially in these dark times when so many things seem hopeless. Life still goes on, and hard times always end eventually. Don't let them stop you.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.