5 Ways Your Friends Misunderstand Your Emotional Strength — And Leave You Crying Alone
You help others all the time. Who helps you?
spixel / Shutterstock If you're a person who is there for other people, you may find that you are alone when you need a helping hand.
In these situations, you learn what it's like to cry alone.
Mentally and emotionally strong people often find they do not have much support when they are in need, but are expected to solve the problems of others when they are having issues. Chances are, others around them simply don't know that the strong person they know needs help, perhaps because they take that strength for granted.
Naturally, there are consequences to crying alone. The good news is that as a mentally strong person, you know you will always have someone there to depend on in a crisis — yourself.
Here are five reasons emotionally strong people find themselves crying alone
1. People assume you know how to solve your problem (and don't need help)
The first reason strong people do not have the support they give others is that they are problem solvers and others know it.
A strong person may initially be overwhelmed when they face an issue, but they naturally start to “work the problem” instead of allowing the problem to control them. Stabilizing and then figuring out solutions or the management of an issue ensues.
It is a quality of a strong person’s character to sort out an issue and make good decisions to get on the road to normalcy again. There is no one else there to assist so it is up to you to do something.
Returning to a place of control is essential so hard decisions may need to be made and you are just the person to make them.
You are resilient and bounce back to a place where you can think.
2. People assume you have access to resources to solve the problem
Mentally strong people use or create resources to solve issues. You have solved other people’s problems so you already have a base of experience that you can rely upon.
Asking others or hiring the right people to help you is just one area of problem-solving.
The fear of not doing anything is greater than doing nothing and the knowledge that no one else will be there to “rescue” you is clear. Acting as quickly as possible and seeking help from detached parties are traits of a strong person.
You may find you have been in this type of situation more than once in your life.
3. People can't see past your positive attitude to the pain you feel
Believing in and taking care of yourself are major attributes of a strong person facing a problem. You know that if you just be yourself brighter days are ahead. Giving yourself time and making positive affirmations is a good indication that you are this type of person. You may say to yourself, “I can do this.”
Sometimes a good cry can bring a positive person like you back to the center. Getting the normal self-pity out of you and regaining your sense of determination is why you are strong.
Your tenacity is just one reason others come to you when they are at a loss to handle an issue.
4. People assume you know better than anyone how to heal yourself
You may find yourself alone solving your own issues because you have allowed others to use you in the past.
This reality is not one you want to deal with while you are in a crisis but you will learn from this situation. It is not a criticism to help others in need, but you may need to set some boundaries in the future with those who come to you with their problems.
Helping others is a good thing but when someone else “dumps” their issues on you and expects you to solve them it is not a good situation.
When the problem you are facing is resolved, you may need to re-evaluate your posture with the people around you.
You often learn who are your true friends when you are in need and when someone is not there who can help but does not it is a reality check.
5. People truly don't know how to help you — so they make excuses not to
It can be the case that when you are in need the people you turn to first are too busy to help. They just do not know what to do and do not have the time to be there for you.
You may find that they say “ask someone else” or give you recommendations of other people.
The people you ask for help are usually those you love and there can be a little anger within you when they are not there to lend a hand in a time of need. It is not their fault.
They simply do not have the skills you need to help you with your issue.
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The consequences of crying alone
It hurts when you are there for others and they are not there for you when you have a need.
The good news is that you can handle your problems and you should be proud of yourself for your ability to overcome an issue. The bad news is that you are alone, and it is worrisome that this has happened.
You solve problems. You're resourceful. And you, personally, have a positive attitude.
These attributes serve you well as you navigate issues that are initially overwhelming. People you thought would be there because you have helped them in the past are suddenly not to be found.
Rebuilding after a crisis and learning who is there for you and who is not is a reality check.
You may need to take some responsibility for helping people who turned out not to be appreciative. It happens.
Setting boundaries and learning who you can count on is helpful for the present and the future.
Some relationships may need to be modified or ended after a crisis is over.
You may cry alone in a crisis because you are strong, but you can use this situation as a moment of clarity and growth.
John Cappello, M.B.A., is a practicing psychic medium, astrologer, author, and radio talk show host.