11 Examples Of 'Weaponized Therapy Speak' And How It's Harming Your Relationships
It's best to reserve mental health language for a clinical environment.
Semachkovsky / Shutterstock Going to therapy is an essential part of true self-care. It’s a process that helps people understand themselves better. Therapy provides tools to navigate the often stormy world of relationships, modeling how to communicate effectively and locate your emotional needs.
Yet the rise of mental health awareness has certain downsides, specifically, the prevalence of “therapy speak,” which can be defined as the use of psychological language in everyday life.
Misusing therapy speak can occur when people use certain terms incorrectly, such as applying them to situations that don’t fit their meaning.
Here are 11 examples of ‘weaponized therapy speak’:
1. Labeling
A mental health content creator named Dr. Ana described therapy speak as “A prescriptive way that primarily therapists and therapy clients have learned to communicate with other people.”
While part of a therapist’s job is to teach people how to effectively communicate, Dr. Ana recognized the pitfalls of therapy speak, saying, “There is a malignant underbelly to therapy speak, in which people use it in a very hyper-individualistic way.”
“They use it in a way that feels inauthentic and unnatural and in a way where it kind of feels like they’re turning off their empathy for the person that they’re speaking to,” she continued. “It is sometimes weaponized by manipulative people.”
A common example of weaponized therapy speak is assigning clinical labels to people without a professional diagnosis.
Labeling can also be known as “armchair psychology.” It’s an inherently harmful practice, especially when it’s done by people who aren’t professionally trained mental health practitioners.
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Labeling can take various forms, like calling someone a narcissist when they’re being self-centered or throwing the term “manic” around to describe someone’s behavior.
It not only distills complex issues into overly-simplistic terms, but labeling makes people feel othered, forcing them toward the margins, without the person who’s labeling holding a full understanding of what they’re going through.
2. Blaming
Weaponizing therapy speak also occurs when people use psychological terms to blame others for their own behavior.
Saying things like, “This wouldn’t be a problem if you knew how to handle your emotions,” or, “Your feelings have nothing to do with me,” are examples of blaming.
Blaming harms relationships in clear-cut ways. It toxically shifts focus away from one person’s actions to their partner while denying any responsibility they may have for the negative interaction.
3. Projecting
Projecting is similar to blaming. It occurs when one person puts their personal, internal feelings onto someone else without actually understanding or considering the other person’s experience.
When a person projects, they essentially misinterpret their own difficult or negative emotions and overlay them onto another person, like claiming their partner is angry when really, they’re the one who’s angry.
Projecting harms relationships because it deflects the emotional issues at play while allowing the projector to pretend like nothing is actually wrong.
4. Dismissing
Dismissing can be defined as using disparaging comments to undercut someone’s feelings and making them feel like they don’t matter.
It comes up in moments of conflict or tension when one partner basically tells the other that their lived experience doesn’t hold value.
Dismissing makes people feel small or insignificant, cutting them down in a way that gives one person power or control over the other.
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5. Invalidating
Invalidating hurts others because it denies people their inherent humanity. Ignoring what someone is going through on an emotional scale sends a message that you don’t care about them.
There’s so much value in acknowledging how a person feels, even when you don’t see eye to eye over whatever issue has come up. Letting someone know that you see them and hear them is a crucial part to maintaining close relationships and deep emotional intimacy.
6. Deflecting
Deflecting is the act of shifting the focus from yourself to your partner, like saying, “I’m not the one who’s dysregulated; you are.”
It’s a way of saying, “It’s not me, it’s you,” which can make people in relationships feel isolated like they’re on their own when it comes to resolving emotional issues.
7. Getting defensive
Being defensive is another version of deflecting that happens when someone has a hard time owning their emotions.
Getting defensive sometimes means a person is shutting down, turning off their ability to listen and have a hard conversation or hear critique about their actions.
It can be viewed as a maladaptive survival tactic, taken when someone struggles to witness and hold space for their own feelings.
8. Using clinical words out of context.
A major part of misusing therapy speak in a way that causes harm is assigning terms to people’s behavior without understanding the full scope of their lived experience.
This can show up in many different ways. One common thread across pop psychology and social media is diagnosing people based on slivers of their personality without holding professional accreditation to do so.
Telling someone they’re gaslighting you when they, in fact, aren’t or telling a person they’re showing sociopathic tendencies solely because they’re acting in a way you don’t like are prime examples of using psychological terms out of context.
9. Being emotionally manipulative
Weaponizing therapy speak causes harm when it’s used to manipulate other people into behaving how you want them to.
Gaslighting is a prime example of emotional manipulation, as is being passive-aggressive or not saying how you really feel.
Emotional manipulation in relationships is a form of coercive control that often signifies abuse. It can be subtle, yet makes the person on the receiving end feel unstable, or like they’re the one at fault.
10. Not taking accountability
Knowing how to say you’re sorry is a key part of resolving conflict in relationships, which is a normal part of being in partnership with someone.
We all make mistakes, yet it's the steps we take afterward that determine if we’re showing up in an authentic way for ourselves and our partners.
Not holding yourself responsible for your negative actions creates a sense of distance, which can signify the dissolution of a partnership.
Leading with repair in mind is a healthy approach to the inevitable fighting that arises between people, whereas using weaponized therapy speak lets people build up walls and stay disconnected from one another.
11. Avoiding conflict
Using psychological terms incorrectly can also be a way for someone to avoid being in direct conflict with their partner.
Deflecting, dismissing, and invalidating someone else’s emotions forces retreat instead of opening up a dialogue where compromise can be reached.
At its best, using therapy speak can help people express themselves and have compassion for how they feel and how other people enter the world. It can offer a sense of community.
At worst, it creates a major disconnect, so people stay stuck in a place of scarcity and rejection instead of understanding.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.