What You Fear Most In A Relationship, Based On Your Personality Type
Every personality type has a fear that tends to define their relationships.
Ranta Images / Shutterstock Relationships are hard. No relationship is exactly the same, and each one has its difficulties to varying degrees depending on compatibility and, perhaps to a lesser (but still significant) extent, your personality type.
Depending on your Myers-Briggs personality type, relationships can have their own set of challenges.
For example, every personality type is going to have something specific that totally freaks them out when it comes to romantic relationships. For some, it’s commitment. For others, it’s rejection. And, for some others, it’s something totally unheard of to a different personality type.
It’s important to address our fears (and possible intimacy issues) if we ever want to have a meaningful relationship. And depending on your Myers-Briggs personality type, you can see how well it explains your fears about romantic relationships.
Here's what each Myers-Briggs type fears most in relationships.
1. ISTJ
ISTJ’s biggest fear in relationships is being with someone that doesn’t share the same traditional values.
They take relationships seriously. The fear is rooted in having their partner toy with commitment or play with their feelings. To an ISTJ, this seems like a waste of time since relationships should be taken more seriously than this, at least in their opinion.
2. INFJ
To an INFJ personality type, their biggest fear in a relationship is being with someone who isn’t as passionate as they are.
They naturally rule the heart, so if someone isn’t as loving and compassionate as INFJ, it will leave them wondering if their partner truly feels the same way they do.
3. INTJ
INTJ's biggest fear in relationships is being with someone who can't give them the level of space they desire.
INTJs can deal with being alone, as being alone is not a curse for this personality type; rather, it's a blessing. If an INTJ's partner can’t deal with the distance in the relationship, INTJ will feel suffocated.
4. ENFJ
ENFJs have a fear in relationships of being with a person who isn't as much of a social butterfly as they are.
ENFJs are one of the most social personality types. They are charismatic, so dating a person who isn’t into the social scene is their greatest fear. They require their partner to admire the social scene the same way they do.
5. ISTP
An ISTP personality type's biggest fear is being with someone who is stuck in their ways.
They are one of the most adventurous personality types, so they need their partner to match their energy. Having a good time and experiencing new things is something that makes ISTPs who they are and helps them bond with their mates.
6. ESFJ
ESFJ's biggest fear in a relationship is being with someone who can't handle all eyes on them.
ESFJ loves to stand out and be the center of attention, so they need a partner who enjoys the spotlight. Unfortunately, if their mate tends to shy away from attention, it can become a major turn-off.
7. INFP
INFP fears being with a person who isn't compassionate and understanding as they are.
INFP isn't the argumentative type. They don't ever want their partner to feel neglected, but they will also require them to think of their needs. Another fear is dating someone who makes impulsive decisions. INFPs are intuitive, so they need someone who can make rational decisions based on a gut feeling.
8. ESFP
ESFPs fear being in a relationship with someone who wants all the attention.
ESFPs like to be out and about, enjoying life and being in the social scene. But when they are with someone who can run the show solo, it triggers ESFP. Their partner needs to be side by side with them, running things and being noticed. They also can't be with someone who is closed-minded because they are open to possibilities.
9. ENFP
For ENFPs, they fear having a partner who isn't physically affectionate.
The ENFP personality type enjoys showing their romantic feelings through passionate love and affection. But with a partner who isn't touchy-feely, it makes them feel clingy. On top of a lack of affection, ENFPs fear the relationship won't work out despite them giving their all.
10. INTP
For INTP personalities, their biggest fear in relationships is that they will fall in love with someone they cannot be 100% honest with.
This personality type values directness and honesty to avoid conflict and develop mutual understanding. INTPs fear falling for someone who won’t understand the intent behind this type of communication strategy because to them, this is the only way to achieve intimacy.
11. ENTJ
For ENTJ personality types, their biggest fear in relationships tends to be that the relationship seems to have a future, but actually doesn't.
For this reason, ENTJs tend to come across as “ruthless” because they are quick to ditch a relationship when they don’t see it having a future. But ENTJs also fear that their tendency to take the leading role in relationships will make them appear too dominating, and they will lose a potential partner because of it.
12. ENTP
ENTPs fear being in relationships where they are held back from personal growth.
ENTPs need to always be growing and discovering who they are deep inside, so they don't quite mesh with the idea of having a relationship where they can't grow personally, as well as having a partner who doesn't wish to grow with them. What ENTP wants most out of a relationship is to grow and experience new things — together.
13. ISFJ
The ISFJ personality type's biggest fear in relationships is their efforts not being appreciated — or worse, criticized.
While ISFJ tends to actively enjoy taking care of loved ones and creating a harmonious home life, they still need this acknowledged or natural self-doubt comes out. Relationships are serious to ISFJs, and they only go after ones they see lasting a lifetime.
14. ESTJ
The ESTJ personality type's biggest fear is their romantic partner leaving them.
ESTJs value honesty and straightforwardness in their relationships. Their intentions are always clear when beginning a relationship, so they are most afraid that their partners will evolve past that stage and leave them. Not everyone is as consistent as an ESTJ, and this is usually what they fear the most: an inconsistent partner.
15. ISFP
For ISFP personalities, their biggest fear in relationships is them becoming stagnant and boring.
ISFPs need to be looking forward to what is next, so if this isn’t the case, they will often not see a point in continuing the relationship. They also worry about not being appreciated in relationships, as they need frequent emotional support.
16. ESTP
The biggest fear in relationships for the ESTP personality is a long-term commitment, especially marriage.
Thriving off the excitement and nearly constantly seeking a thrill, ESTPs easily get bored. Because of this, it can be hard to keep long-term relationships, especially marriages, at this level of excitement continuously.
Shavella St.Preux is a writer with an MFA in creative writing from Brooklyn College, and former contributor to YourTango.