If You Fantasize About Quitting & Moving Away, You're Probably Carrying These 11 Emotional Loads
A fresh start isn't always the right answer.
LightField Studios | Shutterstock We've all been there — you're stuck in a toxic job, stressed about pulling your own weight, and grappling with a million other responsibilities, goals, and personal values that seem to be taking over your emotional capacity every single day. The only probable and realistic option is to pack everything up, quit your only source of income, and move overseas, right?
Obviously, the majority of us are all still here, so not only is that fantasy misguided, it's not realistic for the majority of us living paycheck-to-paycheck and struggling to prioritize personal goals and values while still making a living. However, it's possible to acknowledge all your stressors and pave a healthier and more realistic path forward, one that you look forward to. Because, let's face it, there are emotional loads you're probably carrying if you fantasize about quitting and moving away on a daily basis.
Here are 11 emotional loads you're probably carrying if you fantasize about quitting and moving away
1. Meeting unrealistic expectations
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Many people who feel emotional burdens and stress in their daily life are "perfectionists," following or trying to achieve unrealistic standards and goals set by their families, society, or their internal inner critic.
They're stuck in a toxic cycle of unrealistic expectations and disappointment, unable to actually achieve their impossible goals and suffering from low self-esteem and self-worth as a result.
By unpacking the societal or personal expectations you prioritize in your life, getting serious about what matters to you, and restructuring your routine to truly uplift the goals and core values that matter most, you free yourself from the toxic perfectionist cycle and relieve your mind from the emotional load of unworthiness.
2. Finding meaning and purpose
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Many people who fantasize about changing everything about their lives and starting over with a clean slate are struggling with a consistent sense of meaning and purpose. Whether it's an internal feeling of emptiness, past trauma, or chronic stress in their daily routine, these people struggle to make decisions, build relationships, and craft habits that help them achieve goals, largely because they're unsure of what they truly are to begin with.
They often have a deep yearning for something bigger than their current situation, but little guidance or knowledge on how to achieve it.
To truly address this emotional load and move forward with a feeling of weightlessness and ease, you have to focus on building a relationship with yourself — whether that means crafting core values, setting better relationship boundaries, or even getting serious about what goals and aspirations are actually meaningful to you, rather than society or your family.
3. Being the 'protector'
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Especially if you're simultaneously grappling with the weight of a stressful job and a multitude of family responsibilities at home, it's not surprising that you'd fantasize about quitting everything and moving away for a moment of peace. Especially for single parents, who wear every hat — from protector, to provider, and even nurturer — the physical and emotional burden of those roles can be overwhelming.
If you fantasize about quitting and moving away, you're probably overwhelmed — and that's valid. But there are ways to healthily cope with these responsibilities, no matter how unfair they may seem, that can ensure you're living in the present moment and setting yourself up for success.
First, focus on your personal values and core priorities. Many of us stress ourselves out over small, petty, and unrealistic things — like planning way too far into the future or burdening ourselves with stress about a future event that's years away. Focus on the here and now, spending time with your family, setting great boundaries, and making daily decisions that not only prioritize your family's well-being, but your own.
4. A desire for more freedom
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People struggling with financial insecurity, personal turmoil, or burnout in their careers often desire a sense of comfort and freedom that feels impossible to achieve. Whether it's personal autonomy, job flexibility, or personal growth outside the shackles of their daily responsibilities, they want to feel like they have a choice in crafting their life.
However, there's a misguided notion that our life is defined by these institutions — like a career or parenting — when truly, you as an individual have the power to define your life by your own set of values, standards, and goals. Even if you're struggling financially, you have small choices that can make a big difference in your routine — like choosing where to spend extra money, how you spend your free-time, or the mindset you feed into your finances.
If you fantasize about quitting and moving away, it's probably because you feel like you don't have any freedom in your current routine. You dream about the empowerment that leaving a job or moving to a new city would spark, but in reality, there are so many ways to independently build autonomy and revamp your life that may seem simple, but are so profound.
5. Loneliness
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According to a study published in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine, loneliness and social isolation aren't just a detriment to emotional well-being — increasing the risk for depression, anxiety, and chronic stress — they also have profound physical and psychological consequences that are often overlooked.
Grappling with loneliness and being unsure of how to escape it can feel like an all-consuming emotional load, affecting every aspect of your life from the professional workplace to personal free time. People who fantasize about quitting and moving away may view a change of scenario or a "fresh start" as a means to overcome loneliness when, in reality, it truly stems from an internal disconnect between social interaction and personal social priorities.
Even if you're in a new place, surrounded by new people, and out of reach from past experiences, the social anxiety, stress, and disconnect you experienced at your loneliness can quickly follow you to a new place. So, the key to overcoming this stress is not to leave everything behind and start over; it's looking inward, acknowledging and healing from the internal battles, unresolved trauma, or emotional turmoil keeping you isolated today.
6. Grief or loss
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According to experts from the American Psychological Association, some people have the emotional resilience to cope with grief and restructure their routine to remain productive and present, but that's not generally the case for everyone. Many people suffer and grapple with emotional turmoil — in many cases, in ways that actually change the brain, according to psychologist Mary-Frances O'Connor, for years after experiencing a loss.
Part of dealing with grief is redefining what it means to live, behave, and exist in the world without the person or thing you're grieving, which is why so many people are drawn to quitting their jobs, moving away, and starting over in the wake of their loss. They believe that completely starting over is the key to redefining their new lives, and while in some cases it can actually be helpful, it's not the end-all-be-all solution to navigating loss.
Grief never truly goes away — it's like spilled glitter from a fabulous birthday party that you keep finding under coach cushions, in your car, and even in the seams of old clothes you haven't worn in years — so trying to outrun it is an unfounded trick. It's a heavy emotional load, but acknowledging it, healing alongside it, and making these strong redefinitions of what your life will look like is the key to making it easier to carry over time.
7. Feeling stagnant or stuck
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Many people harbor a misguided belief that in order to succeed fully at something they have to drop everything and start over when they make a mistake or "fail." When they miss a day at the gym, break their strict diet, or say the wrong thing to a partner, they immediately resort to the most dramatic response — quitting, leaving, moving on, or avoiding the practice altogether.
Rooted in shame, guilt, and unrealistic expectations, people who feel stagnant and stuck in their routines generally grapple with the emotional load of "failure." They're afraid to feel rejected, criticized, or judged by others, so they harshly do it to themselves.
Of course, if you fantasize about quitting and moving away, you're probably carrying this emotional load, even if you don't realize it. Empathy, especially toward yourself with self-care rituals and grace, is essential to finding your footing, crafting new goals, and overcoming the feeling of being "trapped" in a mundane routine. So, don't be too hard on yourself.
8. Regret about past mistakes
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According to psychology researchers Dr. Lucy Brown and Dr. Helen Fisher, regret is a natural part of our human nature. We have the capacity to constantly look backward, hyper-analyze our mistakes, and even guilt ourselves in the present moment about what we could have done differently. However, when we let regret run unchecked in our routines, it only further sabotages our well-being in the future, preventing us from achieving fulfillment and happiness.
If you fantasize about quitting and moving away, you may be carrying the emotional load of regret — wishing you could start over, end relationships with people who watched you "fail," or avoid run-ins with old friends in your hometown.
However, there are ways to heal from regret — like embracing the lesson and silver living, forgiving yourself, and embracing change — that can make it easier to carry this internal load without sacrificing your future goals or present well-being.
9. Feeling financially unstable
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Battling financial instability can have detrimental effects on emotional, physical, and psychological well-being, according to a study from the Journal of Family and Economic Issues, especially when it's left unchecked without a healthy mindset, routine, or financial habits.
Outside of the emotional consequences like depression, chronic stress, and loneliness financial instability can spark, many people feel trapped in their jobs, cities, or situations without the freedom of a disposable income to rely on. Considering the majority of Americans don't even have an emergency fund to provide them peace of mind, it's not surprising that so many people are carrying the emotional load of money stress with them on a daily basis.
10. Unresolved trauma
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The consequences of unresolved trauma and unmet needs, especially early in life, can linger in adults for much longer than they're aware of, according to a study from Development and Psychopathology. If you fantasize about quitting and moving away, you're probably carrying some kind of unresolved emotional load from the past — like a toxic relationship or family dilemma — that's still affecting your emotional or physical well-being today.
It's hard to conceptualize on your own — the feeling of being stuck or stagnant, not in an external situation, but in an internal one. But making steps toward acknowledging your inner struggles and resolving trauma can make grappling with everyday stress and dilemmas just a little bit easier.
You don't have to completely start over, change everything about your life, or invest in a major life change to find clarity and purpose, it's possible to find that guidance in small everyday changes and new routines, as well.
11. A lacking sense of spiritual guidance
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According to Pew Research Center, people who have religious values or spiritual guidance are typically happier and more fulfilled than those who don't, which is why many people lacking this kind of purpose deal with the emotional turmoil of feeling trapped or stuck. When they're grappling with job stress, burnout, or family responsibilities, there's little "higher purpose" to motivate them through adversity.
Of course, assuming that everyone who fantasized about quitting their jobs and moving away lacks religious or spiritual beliefs is painting with a broad stroke, but sometimes, these core values are what's missing in grappling with the mundanity of everyday life and responsibilities.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
