5 Embarrassing Pieces Of Advice Baby Boomers Still Confidently Give To Younger Generations
Baby Boomers aren't bad people, but they do sometimes give bad advice to younger generations.
Clay Banks | Unsplash Now, before I start roasting Baby Boomers, I want to say— I don’t think the Baby Boomers are bad people. My parents are Baby Boomers and they’re the best people. I do think that they (along with nearly all Boomers) give some bad advice for the modern world, which is what we’ll be digging into.
But, it’s important to remember that they think it’s good advice, and that’s why they’re always giving it to the generation that they raised. But, like most advice, it’s showing you a path to help you end up like them: saddled in debt, stuck in a 9–5 career with work you don’t love doing that you rely on to pay down said debt, a husband or wife, and a house in the burbs.
I know some folks reading this right now are already reacting like — IS THAT SO BAD? A house, a partner, and a job? It’s fine. For some, it might even be a wonderful life. My main thesis is that it’s not the only version of a successful life.
I grew up thinking that it was. I grew up feeling like a traitor for not wanting it. Wondering exactly when and how I would ultimately disappoint my elders.
Millennials like me will also end up giving some of the same flavors of poor advice to the generation we raise. We’ll almost certainly follow the same basic pattern of giving advice that will lead to a copy-and-paste version of our own lives. The same types of goals, priorities, and benchmarks for success and happiness that we consider “correct” by societal standards.
The thing about success and happiness is that each individual gets to define it for themself, and each generation struggles to match an outdated blueprint with what brings them real joy and deep purpose in today’s world.
Here are the most embarrassing pieces of advice Baby Boomers still confidently give younger generations:
1. Focus your energy on being an expert at one thing
A few months back, my Pops, who has a hard time letting a day go by without offering some advice or words of wisdom to his kids (or at the very least forwarding us an article that he didn’t even read but believes that we should read based on the headline), sent me this exact message: Like the Billy Crystal cowboy movie, the old cowboy said something like: ‘One thing. You’ve got to be good at one thing?’ So given your diverse skill sets, what one thing do you want to be stellar at?”
If you’re not familiar with the classic film City Slickers, here’s the gist. In the scene, the old wise cowboy, Curly, holds up one finger and says “This is what life is all about.” When Billy Crystal asks, “What, your finger?” Curly says “No … one thing.” Billy asks, “Yeah, but what’s the one thing?” To which Curly responds, “That’s what you have to figure out.”
Essentially, the old cowboy is giving a piece of wisdom centered around the idea that you should commit all your time and energy to be the best at one specific thing. Be the world’s best veterinarian for rare birds with heart conditions.
I find this advice hilariously bad. Not only is there a ton of research to support the idea that being proficient in several different skills and having a wide range of interests improves your overall cognition and mental acuity, but it also makes for a much more well-rounded life.
For me, learning about different subjects and improving in a variety of trades and skills feels like the purpose of life most days. We get one shot at this, try everything and get good at as many things as you can.
If you want my advice, it’s the opposite of ole’ Curlys. I think you should pursue everything you’re interested in that you think makes you a more well-rounded and interesting person.
2. Go into debt for a fancy education
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This one is pretty simple, and I reckon some Baby Boomers would probably now agree that this was bad advice that we all grew up accepting as “the most normal path into adult life.”
It’s essentially the bygone American Dream: Go into debt to get a good education, then get a great job with your fancy education and pay off that debt! Well, people make 100K a year taking pictures of their feet now, so maybe going into debt for an anthropology or film writing degree might not be the savviest plan.
It’s not a given that you’ll come out of the other side of that four-year hangover with great job prospects. Even if you do land a decent-paying job, it’ll take years, maybe more than a decade, to get out from under that debt because you’ll continue to need to eat and pay for shelter. It cements that your life path is basically to get stuck into a 9–5 type of career. If you have kids before the debt is fully paid off, you’re certainly stuck on the 9–5 treadmill forever.
I was able to avoid this fate because I was lucky enough to get two higher education degrees through scholarships. I’m one of the only people I know from my youth who got through college without debt. It’s the exact reason I’ve been able to live the life I’ve chosen for myself.
It’s the reason I was able to volunteer with AmeriCorps. It’s the reason I was able to travel. It’s the reason I was able to work abroad for 5 years, and it’s the reason I’m currently building my dream project in Mexico. If I had 50k in debt hanging over me at 22 or 32, I would have been forced into some version of corporate servitude.
If you pursue higher education, be sure that you want to use that education to earn money, otherwise, you’re sure to regret that choice as you pay down your debt. First, try to get an education carried by financial aid or through apprenticeships and experiential programs.
The root of all deep learning is experience, and that’s something higher ed doesn’t want you to think about. It’s big business for them, so they’re happy to put you into debt for the next 15 years in exchange for a degree that you may or may not even use to pay off the debt they saddle you with.
3. Value money over purpose
Hidden Brain has become one of my favorite podcasts in the past few years. Recently there was a two-part series called Happiness 2.0, and the first part was about cultivating your purpose. The main thrust is that having purpose is far more important to your overall happiness and well-being than having money.
Here’s an excerpt from that episode’s transcript: "One of the most compelling findings I could think to share is that having a sense of purpose in life predicts longevity. But beyond longevity, there’s a whole constellation of studies to suggest purpose is associated with a whole host of physical and physiological health outcomes… So, the health profile of purpose seems to be, especially positive."
They also use the example of a lawyer who is on her way to becoming a partner at a big money law firm but decides to transition to working on environmental law at a small firm that she runs with a friend. After the change, she makes a lot less money but finds that she’s a lot happier because her life is full of purpose again.
There have been numerous studies that show more money results in marginal changes in people’s overall happiness once their needs are met. Going from 100k a year to earning 1 million dollars a year doesn’t impact people’s levels of happiness as much as we imagine it would.
We adjust the goalposts and begin comparing ourselves with people in the same tax bracket. Your overall wealth shades your expectations for the day, and when you get used to caviar and champagne it’s no longer special. Fulfilling what we believe to be our purpose makes every day feel special. It gives our life meaning.
I was encouraged more to consider “a successful career path” by the Boomer generation than I was to consider “my calling” or “my ikigai,” as the Japanese call it. When I was finishing high school in the early 2000s, if I had told a Boomer that I wanted to be a drummer, poet, artist, or even entrepreneur, I would have been strongly encouraged to pursue a more failsafe career path.
Maybe it’s because the Boomers were raised by folks who lived through the Great Depression and there’s some residual stress about the food running out. Whatever the reason — Boomers have always made money seem like the goal, not purpose or happiness. Because at least with money you could find comfort and contentment.
What they didn’t realize is that many of us Millennials want more than comfort alone; we want to be fulfilled — we want a life you could write into a book.
4. Aspire to the white-picket-fence American dream life
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As a high school-aged kid, I remember knowing without anyone needing to tell me that there was one approved version of a successful adult life that would make my elders accept me as an adult, as a peer.
It was the one version of my future that I was encouraged to pursue. This image involved owning a home and a nice car, then producing small new versions of myself with a female partner.
There wasn’t a high school assembly where this was explained to us. The advice wasn’t directly given. Rather, the image became clear with thousands of small examples.
Conversations with teachers and guidance counselors, adults feeling bad for their unmarried friends, people looking down on middle-aged waiters or bartenders, and countless scenes in movies and TV shows.
I stressed deeply about a C- I received in my freshman year Spanish class because of its impact on my GPA … which would impact my college prospects … which would impact my degree and career opportunities … which would impact my ability to find a suitable female partner to procreate with … which meant I would be putting at risk the acceptance of my elders.
Because of those cascading worries, I switched to Latin sophomore year. Everyone at my high school knew that you could cheat in Latin and get an easy A. I now study Spanish every morning because it’s an important life skill for me to acquire.
There are a lot of versions of successful adult life, and having a fence around my own little house to keep in my golden doodle and twins wearing matching outfits is one version.
But, It’s not the one I want, and, strangely, the Boomers made us all feel like that was the center of the bullseye — like without a house in the burbs and a few babies, we would end up as junkies and failures. They made me feel like adult life was just those two options.
5. Be a respectable member of society
When I was getting ready to publish my memoir, my biggest fear was the reaction of the Baby Boomers in my life. I thought a lot about it during those months leading up to publishing, and I would always have the same argument with them in my mind.
It went like this:
You have all done drugs, and you have all been intimate, but we just can’t talk about it? I can’t write about it? Why? Who says? Because it’s impolite? What are we, the Royal Family? We’re all only here because two people were intimate. Weed is legal now even though I spent a dozen years of my life paranoid that you might find out I smoke a plant that makes me calm and happy. What the heck? Shouldn’t we talk about it? Shouldn’t honesty and vulnerability be revered?
In the Boomer mindset, it feels like there’s so much peeking over fences and either judging neighbors or worrying about what they’ll think. There’s far too much concern over status, etiquette, and reputation. Who cares? Why live in a shroud of fear and judgment from people who aren’t truly important in your life, just adjacent to your life?
No wonder I grew up to be a people pleaser, along with a huge percentage of my fellow Millennials. I want to be liked by all of the people in my life. I was encouraged to constantly think “What will others think?” to a degree that feels unhealthy.
There was a lot of pressure from an early age to commit to and execute the Boomer blueprint, which involved falling in line and “being a respectable member of society” in a way that would make Queen Elizabeth proud.
The faux politeness, the putting on airs, the ideas around “the right way of raising your kids or being American or pursuing a career”—it just puts people in boxes and encourages conformity. The last 10 years have seen a huge shift away from deeply rooted traditional ideas, with the acceptance of same-sex marriage, gender fluidity, and a more general shared sense of let people live.
I’m not saying it’s easy to come out as gay or transgender in high school now, but I’m certain it’s a lot easier than it was 15 years ago, and that’s a good thing. Let’s start worrying less about “What will the neighbors think?” and more about what truly makes our lives better, more honest, and more meaningful.
Every generation has been guilty of wanting their kids to follow in their footsteps, so the Boomers are no different, better, or worse than previous generations for continuing this basic pattern — but the world evolves.
You’re not going to take over the family farm? How dare you want something else. Well, I didn’t want the comforts and conformity that come with the suburban life and a 40-year, 9–5 type of career in one field.
I want to try everything. I want to be a Jill of all Trades. I want to see, do, and learn as much as I can before I stop making laps around the sun. It certainly helps that I didn’t end up buried in debt, but it was also equally as important that in my late 20s, I was brave enough to toss the Baby Boomer blueprint in the bin and set out into the world to create my version of a successful and fulfilling life.
Maybe the Boomer blueprint works great for you, maybe traveling solo around the world will bring you joy and clarity, or maybe becoming an Elvis impersonator who works for a cruise line will be the best version of your adult life. I’m not saying one is better than the other, I’m just saying you have options and I encourage you to think about them deeply before caving to the pressure from your elders to conform to their most approved path into adulthood.
There are countless ways to live this life we’ve each been gifted, so don’t let your elders or anyone make you feel like “this is the right way.” You get to decide that.
Travis King set out to travel the world— a 50-country, nine-year, globetrotting adventure, the final four of which he spent as the Director of Community for the travel company, Remote Year. Post-pandemic, Travis has published a travel memoir and continues to publish articles on his areas of expertise including travel, sustainability, writing, health, remote work, and music.