3 Early 'Beige Flags' Men Despise In Women
The pet peeves that often ruin an otherwise-good marriage.
Daboost, miadigital | Canva While every man is an individual with unique and sometimes peculiar idiosyncrasies, there are certain, universal pet peeves that all men seem to share. We've all heard of red flags, the biggest no-nos in the dating world, but what about beige flags? Those aren't dating dealbreakers, but more dating annoyances.
Here are 3 early 'beige flags' men despise in women:
1. Unfavorable comparisons
We detest being unfavorably compared to your father, your brother, your brother-in-law, your ex, the guy who took your virginity, or any other man who's seen you. Why?
Because the clear implication is that, in your opinion, we are somehow deficient in some way, and that makes us feel bad about ourselves and you. If, on the other hand, the comparison is favorable, and we are lauded for our superiority over some other schlub, then you should feel free to compare away.
2. Suggestions for improvement
Despite what opinion you may hold, most men are fairly happy with who they are. And though you may look in the mirror and see only your flaws, we see our reflections and are generally content with what we behold.
So your attempts to "make us over" leave us baffled and annoyed. This behavior also begs the question of why you hooked up with us in the first place — if you were so unhappy with who we are.
And if you're feeling we're being overly sensitive in handling your constructive criticism, think about how you would react to helpful suggestions on how you might upgrade your body or improve your sense of style. Criticism can destroy relationships, according to Dr. John Gottman and his research on over 40,000 couples.
The bottom line is this: find a man who satisfies whatever criteria you may have, but don't expect to help him "be all he can be." If you're looking for a "fixer-upper," invest in real estate.
3. The phrase, "You should know why I'm upset"
We don't. And we shouldn't, since we can't read your mind, and, for the most part, we're oblivious to any hidden meaning or subtext in your communication. If you're angry with us and we don't know why it does not mean we don't care about you or your feelings or are too self-absorbed to pay attention to what is going on with you.
The fact is, we'd love to know what has caused you to become unhappy with us, so we can at least consider making amends. And your unwillingness to illuminate us is both frustrating and counter-productive. Remember, men are generally not particularly intuitive and we need to be told things in a very direct manner — subtlety is completely lost on us.
So, the next time your significant other inquires about the icy treatment you're giving him, help facilitate the thaw and tell him point-blank what's on your mind. At least then there's the possibility you'll be able to satisfactorily resolve things and get back to what's important in the relationship … the intimacy.
The above is merely the tip of the iceberg and offers only a preliminary look at the things men despise. It does, however, offer a little insight into what behaviors to avoid, to encourage a harmonious relationship.
Conversely, the information could also be used to effectively annoy your guy when you feel he deserves it. But that would just be manipulative and mean. And guys hate that.
David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV writer, producer, relationship coach, and author.