Your Most Annoying Relationship Habit, Based On Your Personality Type
You’re guilty of at least one of these.
Kseniia Perminova via Canva By Christine Warner
Ah, the dating game. It’s supposedly a game of love, but it can become a game of love-hate-swipe-meh as we wrestle with what our hearts, heads, and apps tell us (and you’ve probably noticed: they don’t always agree).
Whatever your relationship status is at the moment, based on your personality you’ll most likely have certain inclinations, both good and bad. That’s right, as endearing as our characteristic little quirks are, they can also inspire some pretty bad dating behavior.
Research conducted by mother-daughter team Katharine Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers shows that all people fall into one of 16 different personalities, expressed by four pairs of traits: directing and receiving energy (introversion vs. extroversion), taking in information (intuition vs. sensing), making decisions (feeling vs. thinking), and approaching the outside world (judging vs. perceiving).
Our Myers-Briggs personality type can offer clues as to how we might shine in romantic relationships, but also how we might be prone to certain faux pas and bad relationship habits. It’s a good idea to tame your inner heartbreaker by avoiding these lousy dating habits common among your particular Myers-Briggs personality type.
Your Myers-Briggs Type's Most Annoying Relationship Habit
INTJ: Leap-Frogging
Definition: Skipping the flirtations and abruptly getting straight to the point.
As an INTJ, you don’t waste time with matters of the heart. Taking a no-nonsense approach to relationships, you jump right into super-deep discussions, which can be a little intimidating at best and completely off-putting at worst.
Small talk isn't your thing, but maybe keep things a little light by flirting and making those quippy remarks you're so good at, before getting down to business.
INTP: Professor-ing
Definition: Prioritizing logical reasoning over emotional needs.
You’re a practical partner and a loyal lover once you're committed, but because you're an INTP, sensitivity isn't your thing, especially when it comes to your significant other’s feelings. So stop talking about how non-logical love is and focus a bit more on enjoying the romance and keeping it alive.
INFJ: Snailing
Definition: Staying in a dead-end relationship out of fear of breaking up.
Never one for casual flings, you are OK with waiting for the right guy. But you may postpone a breakup since INFJs hate confrontation and prioritize harmony. Be conscientious of your time (and their time) and don’t draw out the inevitable.
INFP: Prince-ing
Definition: Ignoring anyone who doesn’t match your Prince Charming ideal.
As an INFP, you’re a hopeless romantic and know your soulmate is out there somewhere. But your dream vision can make you unwilling to take risks. Keep your standards, but be open to realistic matches.
ENTJ: Cord-Cutting
Definition: Ending a relationship abruptly when you realize it’s not forever.
Confident in your intuition, your decisiveness could come across as inconsiderate if you blindside your partner with a breakup. ENTJs should be extra aware of their delivery and timing when they end things, as nothing is more dangerous than a spurned ex.
ENTP: Cushioning
Definition: Having a main relationship but still playing the field.
The witty and spirited ENTP personality makes you an exciting partner. To avoid falling into a boring relationship, you may keep a few going, just in case. So be honest with your partner and be sure they know what's going on.
ENFJ: Pulse-Checking
Definition: Constantly checking in to see how your partner feels.
ENTJs are empathetic and in tune with their own emotions, so you might ask your partner a few times too many what their feelings are, where the relationship stands, and so on. This is great for getting ahead of any relationship problems, but it can sometimes cause tension when it feels like too much probing.
ENFP: Breadcrumbing
Definition: Leading someone on with zero intentions of following through.
Charming and inclusive to everyone, the ENFP may unintentionally lead people on even if they aren’t remotely interested. Try to draw a line between your friendliness and flirtiness to make your interest (or disinterest) clear.
ISFJ: Backseating
Definition: Always putting your partner's needs before your own.
Thoughtful and selfless, as an ISFP you are extremely dependable and fully invested in your relationships. However, by hiding your true feelings from your partner, you push aside your own needs. This can cause you to burst out of frustration, making you look needy.
Remember to be initially straightforward about what you need before you cause confusion.
ISTJ: Friend-Zoning
Definition: Keeping him a safe distance until you’re sure he checks all the boxes.
Practical to a fault, it can be hard for ISTJs to put the checklist aside. Sometimes, you send friends-only vibes until you're sure they're meeting all your prerequisites. Or sometimes you entirely miss the fact they might be interested, and accidentally friend-zone a potential suitor.
Don’t be afraid to open your mind to the possibilities of romance, even if it comes unexpectedly.
ISTP: Stashing
Definition: Refusing to integrate the person you're seeing into your normal life.
The ISTP's passion and independence stimulate their relationships. Taking longer to warm up to exclusivity, however, you like keeping your options open and don't necessarily want the person that you're seeing to be included in other parts of your life, at least not yet.
Don’t take too long, though. Keeping it low-key is one thing, but a straight-up secret is something else.
ISFP: Knee-Jerking
Definition: Running away when you feel forced to commit.
As an ISFP, you’re an intriguing enigma who keeps the surprises coming. Although you’re a sensitive individual open to serious relationships, you guard your emotional core carefully and might have the tendency to run instead of vocalizing your need for more time before you sprint out of fear of long-term planning.
ESFJ: Footresting
Definition: Waiting around for them to make the first move.
You may have a set idea about how your love interest will pursue you. Desiring clarity and social validation because you're an ESFJ, you want to confirm that they are willing to go the distance. It’s all well and good to want them to kick things off, but don’t be too stubborn about it. You can start the spark, too!
ESFP: Ghosting
Definition: Disappearing when the honeymoon phase ends.
You live for fun and adventure, bringing joyous generosity to all your relationships. But your fun-loving ESFP self freaks out when conflict shows up. Use your optimism to tackle trouble and give clarification rather than fleeing in fear.
ESTJ: Bouldering
Definition: Bringing up the DTR convo a little too soon.
Directly opinionated with strong values, keeping that je ne sais quoi and mystery in the beginning stages can drive you insane. Table your ESTJ intensity just a little, and let both of your feelings grow naturally before you start a confrontational "where is this going" conversation without giving things a chance to bloom.
ESTP: Monkeying
Definition: Swinging from relationship to relationship without taking a break.
Attracting admirers with your positivity and exuberance, you have your pick of lovers. The ESTP personality is outgoing and fun, so you probably don't mind having a continuous stream of suitors, but you usually leave when things get "boring."
Long-term commitment may not come naturally to you, but remember that the best part of relationships happens after the honeymoon period fades and things get real. At a certain point, it's important to think past the day-to-day.
Christine Warner is the director of marketing and engagement for Seton Education Partners, the owner of Vhay Studios, and a writer who covers business, mental health, lifestyle, and beauty topics. Her work has been featured in Medium, Verily Magazine, Aleteia, among others.