Don't Confuse My Kindness For Weakness — I'm Stronger Than You Know
I'm quietly fierce, trust me
Dima Aslanian / Shutterstock Sometimes we think that being strong is equivalent to being mean. That you’re only standing up for yourself if you’re making a scene. If you want people to take you and your feelings seriously then you have to make that known via nasty Facebook comments or calling someone out in public.
Sure, that works for people who are prone to confrontation and know how to handle themselves that way. I am not one of those people.
I run from conflict and hide out until the coast is clear. I avoid yelling like the plague, and if you get into an argument with me, be prepared to see some crocodile tears. None of it is on purpose, just wanting peace so much it hurts is pretty much engraved into my DNA.
Because of that, I’m often kind to people who have done me wrong. When I’m out in public, and I’m face to face with a person who has hurt me, my instinct is to be nice.
Just the other day, I was at a bar with my friend, and this girl who I know has been talking bad about me to other people came over and said hi. Instead of telling her off as some people would, I greeted her with a “Hey boo! Love your romper.”
My friend glared daggers into me until this girl left, and asked why I didn’t say anything and more importantly, why the heck was I so nice?
For a long time, I was resentful of my need to be kind. I thought it made me weak and meant I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. I now have changed my tune.
I realized that being kind doesn’t mean I’m being weak. Just because I’m not giving a speech about how I’m not going to take any crap, doesn’t mean I’m constantly taking crap.
My battle for my own self-worth is a quiet one, but that doesn’t make it any less fierce.
Instead of arguing and fighting out loud for myself, I silently cut ties and stop giving people who hurt me the time of day. I don’t tell people to fuck off, I just stop coming around.
Sure, this approach may not garner a round of applause or give me the reputation for being a bada**, but it’s my preferred method of handling toxic people.
So it doesn’t matter how you stand up for yourself. As long as you’re keeping your own interests up front, and not doing things in an effort to make people feel comfortable, you’re strong.
And you don’t have to scream it off a mountain top to make it any less true.
Emily Blackwood is a former editor at YourTango who covers pop culture, true crime, dating, relationships, and everything in between.