10 Discreet Ways A Narcissistic Woman Easily Manipulates The People In Her Life
Not all emotional manipulation is deliberate enough to notice.
Andrii Nekrasov | Shutterstock While we may all be aware of how a narcissistic person acts — with greediness, an aura of self-centeredness and over-confidence, and a reliance on manipulative behaviors — many of us don't notice the subtle ways the people in our lives embody these narcissistic traits. From distinct body language like raising their eyebrows a certain way, to dressing in a youthful manner, and even making subtly hurtful remarks, there are many discreet ways a narcissistic woman easily manipulates the people in her life.
Especially for narcissistic women, who tend to play on gendered stereotypes and expectations to get their way, their emotionally manipulative and toxic behaviors can be unsuspecting and subtle in relationships. By recognizing these signs and their behaviors, you not only protect yourself from being taken advantage of, but give yourself the space to set boundaries that are clear and genuinely helpful.
Here are 10 discreet ways a narcissistic woman easily manipulates the people in her life
1. She weaponizes her emotions
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A narcissistic woman may be prone to weaponizing gender stereotypes and expectations to get what she wants in a situation, manipulating others with by feigning her own victimhood and helplessness. Even something as subtle as crying to make other people feel guilty and uncomfortable is one of the discreet ways a narcissistic woman easily manipulates people in her life.
While they may not be vulnerable out of a place of insecurity, they have no problem weaponizing their emotions toward others, if it means they gain control and get what they want.
2. She's overly positive
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There's a reason so many people are turned off by constant and seemingly "try-hard" positivity. While it can be helpful to have positive energy around and live life through an optimistic lens, it's also one of the ways a narcissistic woman easily manipulates the people in her life, which is why it can feel off-putting and unsettling in many situations.
When they feel like they have control over a situation and they're getting everything they want, a narcissistic woman can be incredibly attentive, kind, and generous, according to psychotherapist Tonya Lester. However, the moment the power dynamic shifts or they're asked for more than they're willing to give, narcissistic people make a quick switch.
They may even be prone to blame-shifting and making a person feel guilty for accepting their kindness once they feel threatened by another person. So, no — you shouldn't be suspicious of every positive person you meet, but watch out for people that use that kindness in a transactional way to get what they want.
3. She creates a false image of herself
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According to a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, many narcissists actually do have a good idea of what their perception towards others is and are able to manipulate and change their image to better suit whoever they're interacting with.
This is why one of the discreet ways a narcissistic woman easily manipulates the people in her life is by changing her personality and promoting a different image of herself to different people.
While it's common for people to act differently around different people — like at work, in their relationships, or with friends — narcissistic individuals weaponize their different personalities and use it as a vehicle for manipulating others and overstepping their boundaries without consequence.
4. She picks little fights between people
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By pitting people against each other and sparking unnecessarily petty fights in her relationships, a narcissistic woman can avoid taking accountability for her mistakes and turn herself into the victim at the drop of a hat.
Maintaining a misguided sense of control while the people around her are divided, she can weaponize other people's intense emotions and commitments without engaging in an argument herself.
As one of the discreet ways a narcissistic woman easily manipulates the people in her life, this ability to pit people against each other can easily sabotage relationships, yet still be subtle enough to protect her image and sense of self.
5. She gaslights others
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According to the American Sociological Review, gaslighting can take many forms, but it usually revolves around a manipulator's desire to distort other people's realities and spark self-doubt in their lives.
By encouraging other people to feel more anxious, insecure, and uncertain, they have more space to manipulate them and get what they want from conversations and connections.
Often reliant on a misguided power dynamic in a relationship, a gaslighter tends to seek power, influence, and control over another person by making them feel responsible for confrontation, mistakes, and emotional outbursts.
Rather than having an open balance where both partners take accountability and support each other, a narcissistic woman avoids discomfort by pushing it entirely towards someone else.
6. She love-bombs new people she meets
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To encourage people to take their guard down and be vulnerable for their own advantages, a narcissist often "love-bombs" in their relationships and friendships.
As one of the discreet ways a narcissistic woman easily manipulates the people in her life, this behavior can look wildly different depending on the person, but typically is a showering of praise, affection, and love that's inherently misguided and early.
Especially effective on insecure people looking for external validation and affection, narcissists can easily pick out the victims of their manipulation by seeing how they respond to being love-bombed.
Once their guard is down and they've built a misguided connection with that person, their tone almost always shifts — criticizing the other, weaponizing the insecurities they shared in confidence, and urging them to take the blame for their mistakes.
7. She uses her charisma as a weapon
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Despite being incredibly toxic in relationships, narcissists often have the power to manipulate others into liking and admiring them, whether it's putting on a different image for different people, lying about their accomplishments, or leveraging other people's insecurities to get what they want.
Cultivating a magnetic energy that they know will be irresistible to the people around them, weaponizing their charisma, positivity, and even their appearance are some of the discreet ways a narcissistic woman easily manipulates the people in her life.
8. She diminishes other people's accomplishments
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One of the discreet ways a narcissistic woman easily manipulates the people in her life is by undermining their confidence and diminishing their accomplishments.
Rooted in a place of uncertainty and insecurity, that a narcissistic person struggles to truly acknowledge and heal from, according to a study from Personality and Individual Differences, they feel more in control when they can bring someone else down to their level.
By flexing their own success and bringing other peoples' down, narcissists can better cope with the low self-worth that drives their inflated image and misguided confidence.
Even at the expense of her relationships and connections with others, a narcissistic woman can't help but to be the center of attention — exaggerating her accomplishments, criticizing others, and finding ways to redirect energy and awe back to her.
9. She exploits other people's insecurities
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Many narcissistic people tend to latch onto insecure people with vague boundaries and a tendency to fall under pressure of manipulation. When the person they're taking advantage of isn't willing to advocate for themselves, they can weaponize their insecurities and invalidate them without having to navigate confrontation or take accountability.
Their defensive victimhood often plays a role in their ability to blame-shift and weaponize other people's weakest points, according to experts from Charlie Health. For example, they may use a phrase like "You always do this" or "You never listen" to encourage someone who's struggling to make connections and feel comfortable in conversations to feel insecure.
The weaker and more insecure someone else is, the easier it is for a narcissist to gain control and influence in a conversation, so weaponizing their insecurities is one of the subtle and discreet ways a narcissistic woman easily manipulates the people in her life.
10. She subtly criticizes and judges people
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Many of the signs of a narcissistic person are incredibly unsuspecting, like name-calling, small hurtful remarks, and rude body language, which can be hard to detect, even in a close relationship.
While there are many emotionally manipulative behaviors that characterize a person's narcissism, verbal tactics are most common — allowing narcissists to distort other people's reality and spark self-doubt before they have a chance to get in a word.
In order to soothe their own insecurities, portray a grandiose sense of self and gain control, they diminish and invalidate others. While it can quickly sabotage relationships and friendships, a narcissist is more worried about protecting themselves and maintaining authority than nurturing healthy, trusting, and supportive connections.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.