People Who Don't Like To Open Their Mail Usually Have These 10 Deep Reasons
Even small and simple tasks can feel overwhelming and scary at times.
Photoroyalty | Shutterstock Driven by your sympathetic nervous system, the body's natural fight-or-flight response is something many of us have experienced at one time or another, at least according to experts from the Cleveland Clinic, in response to a scary or anxiety-inducing event.
However, it's also possible to be "stuck" in this fear response as a result of more deep-rooted traumas, anxieties, or mental illness.
From plaguing relationships, to affecting routines, and even making small simple tasks seem entirely unmanageable, it's not surprising that there are quite deep reasons people who don't like to open their mail usually have a fight-or-flight response, deep-rooted anxiety, or fear.
Of course, everyone's situation is different. You may just find opening mail to be a time-consuming pain, but for others, there are larger struggles.
Here are 10 deep reasons people don't like to open their mail.
1. Their body is stuck in a state of constant fight-or-flight
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When you're coping with a lot of stress — a looming work deadline, family responsibilities piling up, or even financial instability — your body reacts by releasing a sleuth of hormones and physiological responses intended to fend off what your mind perceives as a "life threatening" situation, according to experts from Harvard Health, even when it may not be.
However, when you live in a state of chronic stress or anxiety, a routine lacking relaxation and healthy coping mechanisms, or even a stressful job, your body can remain stuck in this response, affecting even the most mundane daily tasks like keeping up with your personal hygiene, doing the dishes, or opening your mail.
Even if you don't perceive what's inside of a letter or package to be "life-threatening" or scary, being in fight-or-flight mode is a huge reason people who don't like to open their mail usually have. In fact, our body's natural reactions to the fight-or-flight response can take over, preventing people from keeping up with the chore.
Of course, social support, mental wellness practices, and a de-stressing routine can help to remind your nervous system that you're not in danger, even when you're battling chronic stress, but on a daily basis, things like not being able to open your mail don't often reveal to the average person that they're in need of change.
2. They have unresolved childhood trauma
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According to a study published in the European Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, unresolved childhood trauma can manifest into subtle and unsuspecting symptoms later in life, even well into adulthood, when you've convinced yourself that you've "moved on" and are living an unaffected life.
From affecting the health and well-being of your relationships, to sparking mental illnesses like anxiety or depression, and even contributing to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth, grappling with this lingering trauma can make simple tasks like opening your mail everyday harder.
Not only are you battling the emotional turmoil of the consequences and lingering symptoms of your unresolved trauma, you may still have anxiety-inducing memories of childhood experiences still affecting you. For example, letters from separated parents, the court system, or financial institutions might have caused a great deal of anxiety in your home growing up, causing you to avoid opening mail as an adult, even if you're not entirely aware of that connection.
3. They fear the unknown
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A 2013 study on uncertainty solidifies what many of us already know: we're afraid of the unknown and what we don't always understand. What's behind the closed door, on the other end of a ringing phone or inside a letter in our mailbox can just as easily be that "unknown," especially if you're already dealing with anxiety or unresolved trauma on a daily basis.
The unpredictability of these unknowns has the potential to be "something bad," causing some to intentionally avoid opening things like their email or their mailbox to protect themselves. Of course, a coping mechanism like this only sparks more anxiety — your mail starts to pile up, you miss important deadlines, or your inbox starts giving you email anxiety.
4. They've experienced or are experiencing financial instability
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If you grew up in a home plagued by financial uncertainty and instability, chances are you've adopted some coping strategies and defense mechanisms against that anxiety in adulthood. Whether it's avoiding opening your mail, always convinced it's another bill or a reminder of your money stress, or logging onto your banking app to check your account balance, many adults who grew up in stressful low-income homes still fear that environment.
Giving yourself grace, financial distress and economic uncertainty negatively affect many people, according to research from the Journal of Family and Economic Issues, urging them to resort to a fight-or-flight mentality or unhealthy coping mechanisms to get through the day.
Some people lose their partners, break apart their families, and fall victim to their anxiety as a result of financial stress. So, if you're simply unable to open your mail, there are ways to move forward. Seek out support from your inner circle, a mental health professional, or even the internet, and remember that you're not alone.
5. They struggle with perfectionism
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Whether it's self-oriented or societally prescribed, many people struggle with a perfectionist mentality that spirals into uncertainty, chronic stress, and low self-esteem. They are faced with unrealistically high expectations — at work, in their relationships, or navigating their daily life — that are impossible to achieve, but still, when they don't reach their goals, there's a sense of unavoidable dread and frustration they can't escape.
Even simple daily tasks like opening their mail can transform into an anxious ritual, where perfectionist individuals avoid opening letters or responding to emails, concerned with having to write the perfect response. Even responding at all can be stressful, causing perfectionist people to rely on procrastination tendencies to push away behaviors and habits they're worried about doing wrong.
6. They have ADHD
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According to the Attention Deficit Disorder Association, people with ADHD tend to adopt "ADHD paralysis or shutdown" in the face of overstimulation, stress, or anxiety, causing them to essentially adopt a "fight-or-flight" response, that can make simple tasks like opening their mail feel like an unrealistic hurdle to overcome.
Of course, like experts from the Mayo Clinic add, ADHD people who don't like to open their mail may also be affected by other common symptoms of their disorder — forgetting to even grab their mail, being overwhelmed by the thought of crafting a response, or simply falling into the routine of throwing it to the side when they walk in the door and getting distracted before they have a chance to open it.
7. They imagine the worst-case scenario
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Coming back to the fear of the unknown that many of us struggle with, sometimes unknowingly in our daily lives, people who don't like to open their mail sometimes opt for the worst-case scenario, jumping to catastrophic thinking instead of coming up with realistic solutions.
Any letter in their mailbox or package on their doorstep could be a sign that something bad is going to happen. Of course, this response is often tied to unresolved or childhood trauma, sparked by stressors and anxiety from a previous experience that haven't been acknowledged or addressed.
8. They have avoidant tendencies
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Having avoidant tendencies is a deep reason people who don't like to open their mail usually have. According to psychotherapist Julie K. Jones, these tendencies are often rooted in fear of adverse consequences — abandonment, fear, rejection, loss, or disappointment.
Avoidant tendencies don't just manifest in relationships, they can impact seemingly small and insignificant habits like opening your mail, responding to an email, or finally calling the doctor's office to book the appointment you've put off. Rather than taking the five minutes it takes to complete the task, avoidant people cope with any anxiety or stress they may have about it by avoiding it completely.
But like these avoidant people are often aware of, refusing to complete a task or check something off your to-do list doesn't make it go away; rather, it only continues to grow more urgent and stressful for the person avoiding it.
9. They have poor coping mechanisms
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Like avoidance, overspending, or sleeping too much, unhealthy coping mechanisms can be one of the reasons people don't complete daily tasks that may feel too overwhelming, stressful, or anxiety-inducing to start.
Rather than cope healthily with the stress of their routine or the anxiety of daily tasks like getting and opening their mail, these people rely on distractions to "cope." That means they push away uncomfortable emotions and try to avoid coping with their soon-to-be debilitating stress.
10. They feel disconnected from their future self
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When a person has a clear grasp on who their future self looks like and what they're striving toward, they're more likely to make positive choices and feed into a healthy routine that benefits that person today, according to a study published by The New York Academy of Sciences.
However, when there's no vision of the future or an individual feels disconnected from their sense of future personhood, it's easier for them to fall short on daily tasks, routines, and rituals that benefit them — even if it's something as simple as getting their mail, making timely responses, or paying mailed bills on time.
11. They're incredibly low energy
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One of the common reasons people who don't like to open their mail usually have, and why they procrastinate other daily tasks, is simply being too low energy, according to experts from McLean Hospital.
However, the reasons behind this energy struggle can be diverse and unsuspecting, from a lack of sleep, to grappling with chronic stress, burnout, and even struggling with underlying mental illness like depression.
When they get home from a long day at work or spend the weekend trying to recuperate from the stress of their week, the last thing they're worried about is opening their mail or doing their dishes. A short-term coping mechanism for their stress, the anxiety of these tasks only grows, spiraling into a cycle of overwhelm and more anxiety.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
