11 Dark Psychology Techniques Smart People Use To Identify Their Haters
If you want to know who you're dealing with, you have to be smart about it.
fizkes / Shutterstock These days many people seem to feel that the world has gotten more and more cruel. Disrespect and manipulating run rampant online, and it often feels impossible to tell if someone is truly on your side. Because things have gotten so confusing, smart people will often use dark psychology techniques to identify their haters so they know what they are dealing with.
While most people would love to believe that friends and family have their best interests at heart, this isn't always the case. Unfortunately, there are certain behaviors haters engage that will leave the average person scratching their head in confusion. Do they truly adore you and want the best for you, or are they secret haters who want to see you miserable and will try to trick you into feeling that way?
From slyly testing people's loyalty to closely observing their behaviors, intelligent people know how to run circles around their secret haters.
The 11 dark psychology techniques smart people use to identify their haters
1. They test people’s reaction to their successes
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When people win big in life it can bring feelings of joy, pride, and excitement to the surface. However, with success comes the inevitable: haters. That said, the first psychology technique smart people use to identify their haters is testing their reaction to their success.
If people are jumping for joy at the prospect of someone moving on to greater things, then it's safe to say that they're not haters. Yet, if that one friend that someone barely talks to anymore is sitting there with a scowl, then this likely means that they're a certified hater.
During moments like these, people need to be fast enough to catch haters in the act. After all, most haters will make a face first before smiling right after. But if someone happens to catch them in the act, then it's important to keep their reaction in the back of their head. Their jealousy might have a bigger impact as time continues.
According to a study published in 2013, any type of suspicious jealousy is associated with lower relationship quality. Additionally, a study in 2015 found that jealousy had a negative impact on friendship. And if that isn't enough, another study published in Developmental Psychology found a connection between negative emotions, aggression, and jealousy.
All of this combined can lead to toxic behavior, which is why testing people's reactions from the get-go is so important. Otherwise, they might end up being aggressive or worse, intentionally sabotaging others.
2. They measure people’s consistency through their behavior
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Many people live by the quote, "Actions speak louder than words." As cliche as this may be, this ideology definitely has some merit to it. After all, anyone can say that they love someone. However, proving their love through their actions is a completely different ballgame. It requires being selfless and putting another person's needs before their own.
A study published in 2010 found that people's actions influence the way that they think. Knowing this, a dark psychology technique smart people use to identify their haters is measuring a person's consistency through their behavior.
This means that if a person's actions don't align with their words then a smart person is quick to cut that person off completely. After all, if they're lying about this then what else can they possibly be lying about?
3. They observe how often the other person looks at them
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Eye contact can reveal what other people think without them having to say anything. As it stands, people who make consistent eye contact are often viewed as self-assured and confident.
Unlike haters, these individuals don’t have anything to hide and are content with the person in front of them. On the flip side, a dark psychology technique smart people use to identify their haters is observing how often they look away.
Though there are people out there who genuinely have trouble at looking people in the eye, the same can’t be said when it comes to friendship. Spending months to years together creates a solid foundation that makes it easier for them to look their friends or family members in the eye more often than usual.
That said, if someone is staring at them the same way they would a complete stranger then this isn’t a good sign and could mean one of two things: either they are extremely shy or they aren’t fully connected to someone.
Combined with other behaviors, a lack of eye contact can quickly show if someone is secretly a hater or not.
4. They track passive aggressive comments
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It can be awkward to be at a work meeting or at a family reunion with a passive-aggressive person. Their sweet smile with their stinging words can leave most people in shock and confusion. Yet, a dark psychology technique smart people use to identify their haters is keeping track of their passive-aggressive comments.
Let's face it: most people will make a few passive-aggressive comments in their lifetime. However, if someone constantly makes it a pattern or only directs it at one person this can be a telltale sign that they don't particularly like their friend, coworker, partner, or family member. Not only is it used to conceal negative emotions or thoughts, but being passive-aggressive doesn't work out for them in the long run.
A study in 2012 noted that passive aggressiveness often leads to people engaging in irresponsible or unproductive behavior. Additionally, it reflects an inner insecurity as people question their worth or value.
Knowing this, people should follow their advice and separate themselves from their hater immediately. Though they would like to believe that this person has their best interest at heart, the truth is that they are highly jealous individuals.
5. They observe whether that person gives them emotionally charged advice or not
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Now, taking advice from anyone besides a professional should always be taken with a grain of salt. After all, loved ones tend to apply advice that doesn't necessarily fit a person or a situation correctly.
That said, someone who truly adores someone will always do their best to give good advice. By staying calm and collected these individuals will think carefully before dishing out something that could impact their loved one's future drastically.
On the flip side, a secret hater will use this opportunity to get under their skin and find ways to destroy their relationships or career opportunities. Giving emotionally charged advice they'll use this person's emotions to force them to act rashly. Yet, that is to be expected from a toxic manipulator.
According to licensed counselor Jamie Cannon MS, LPC, manipulators use people's emotions to get what they want. This is bad, as being constantly manipulated can cause people to experience paranoia, difficulty trusting others, and anxiety.
This is why it's best to ignore emotionally charged advice. Whether people want to admit it or not, acting on emotional impulses is never someone's best opinion when it comes to lift-altering situations.
6. They test people’s abilities to keep secrets
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As most people know, trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Whether that be romantic relationships or friendships, the ability to create an emotional bond begins with how well people can depend on one another.
That said, trust is a fickle thing that can easily be broken with the wrong kind of actions or words. Smart people know this, which is why they use dark psychology techniques to identify haters.
The way they go about it is often subtle. They won’t blurt out all their vulnerabilities or tell their deepest darkest secrets to friends and family. Instead, genuinely smart people pick and choose what information to share and use that information to test that person’s loyalty.
In the moment, most people will see their actions as harmless and in good faith. Likely these individuals will think, “Wow, this person really trusts me.”
However, they’re not feeding them this information for the fun of it. No, they’re feeding them this information to see what they’ll do with it. Will they blurt out their secrets to other friends when times get difficult? Or, will they keep this secret no matter what happens next?
7. They create controlled confrontations
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Nobody likes to confront people and if given the chance to stay silent most would gladly take it. However, they're not alone as most Americans identify as people pleasers. Despite this fact, a dark psychology technique smart people use to identify their haters is creating controlled confrontations.
Now, they don't come out and directly start accusing people of being fake or secretly a hater. However, they do begin the conversation by stating, "Hey I've been noticing this has been happening lately. Can you explain to me what this means?"
Afterward, they carefully observe the other person's reactions. If they instantly get defensive and start raising their voice this might be a sign they're guilty. This is bad, as criticism is crucial for growth and self-awareness, summarized retired clinical psychologist Leon F Seltzer PhD. Additionally, it can make people more compassionate as they begin to understand the importance of boundaries and expectations.
If they're calm, respectful, apologetic, and collected, then this most likely means that the person in question doesn't have bad intentions.
8. They track whether people talk about them behind their back
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Haters don’t have limits on who they’ll gossip about next. Filled with insecurity and self-doubt these haters will purposely tear down friends and family just to feel better about themselves.
As a result, dark psychology techniques are often used by smart people to identify their haters. This is great, as most people don’t appreciate or have time for a fake friend who will only spread rumors about them in the end. That said, the way they go about it is a bit sneaky, to say the least.
Using a reliable friend or family member, smart people will strategically use them to keep track of who is talking bad about them behind their backs. This foolproof way of keeping track of their secret haters will make it all the easier to cut them off before they actually do any real damage.
9. They ask for help with minor tasks to test people’s reliability
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Having a reliable support system is crucial for people's overall well-being. According to a study published in 2009, supportive behaviors predict better mental well-being than controlling behaviors.
Knowing this, a dark psychology technique smart people use to identify their haters is asking for help to purposely test people's reliability. True friends or partners will jump at the chance to help a friend in need. On the flip side, people who secretly hate them will promise them the world and then bail last second.
In truth, most of these haters do this because they get a kick out of seeing this person frustrated and upset. Yet, they'll always soften the blow by coming up with a sob story or apologizing profusely a million times just to seem sincere.
That said, the next time someone bails during an important moment be sure to keep an eye on their behavior. If this becomes a repeated pattern then rest assured the person is either unreliable or secretly a hater. Either way, letting them go is the best decision someone could make.
10. They test people’s reactions to their boundaries
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Setting boundaries is hard. After all, it takes a ton of courage to stand up and express what someone is or isn't okay with. Yet, when people don't set boundaries that's when things get out of hand.
Despite this, people who truly love and adore someone will always respect their boundaries. Sure, they might mess up from time to time, but overall they make an honest effort to not cross the lines their loved ones drew.
On the other hand, someone who identifies as a hater will test and test boundaries to make those around them uncomfortable. This petty behavior is made even more obvious as they roll their eyes or huff when people remind them to not cross their boundaries.
All of this combined is why smart people use the dark psychology technique of testing people's reactions to boundaries. In truth, most intelligent people want to avoid the drama and cut these toxic people off before their problematic behavior gets worse.
11. They purposely act confident to observe people’s reaction
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Finally, the last dark psychology technique smart people use to identify their haters is purposely acting confident to observe other people's reactions.
From the outside, this might seem a bit silly. What will acting confident accomplish in the grand scheme of things? However, truly insecure that are haters despise happy people who are content with themselves. After all, it reminds them too much of their own insecurity problems.
That said, insecure people only hurt themselves more in the end. A study published in 2021 found that insecurity leads to lower life satisfaction and a decrease in their overall well-being.
This is why people shouldn't feel offended if someone doesn't take too kindly to their confidence. Truly insecure and hateful people will never be satisfied with themselves and as a result, try to bring other people down. Because of this, smart people should keep on shining regardless of the petty comments thrown their way. In truth, it'll only further expose how much of a hater that person is.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help topics such as relationships, career, family, and astrology.