Dad Asks How To Talk To His Son About Money After Lying To Him For Years & Saying He Only Makes $1000 A Month
Hiding your financial situation from your kids doesn't help them — it just makes them bad with money.
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock Our culture has always been a bit weird about money, believing that talking about it is tacky and that our financial situation is nobody's business, including our children's. It's only been in fairly recent times that parents have begun to reconsider this as understanding grows about how these attitudes affect kids' financial futures.
A dad on Reddit is, in some ways, a perfect example of how these dynamics can play out. He's been shielding his son from the details of their family's finances for most of his life. But now that he's approaching his teen years, he's figuring stuff out, and the secrecy is beginning to backfire.
A dad turned to Reddit, asking how to talk to his son about money after lying to him about their income for years.
According to the World Economic Forum, only about 50% of Americans have basic financial literacy skills.
What was once a basic part of a high school education has long gone by the wayside, and it's had a pretty dramatic impact on people's knowledge of money management.
That means, of course, that if people's parents aren't teaching them basic financial skills, they're probably not learning them. Given our culture's long-held mores about not talking about money, it's easy to see why these statistics are so bleak.
This dad on Reddit is, in some ways, a perfect example of how this situation can go. He and his family live in the insanely expensive Bay Area, so his income leaves them what he calls "rich-poor" — presumably meaning he makes a high salary but is nonetheless paycheck-to-paycheck.
And he's made sure they live frugally. They have a house on the cheaper side, cook most meals at home, and drive used cars. "We live comfortably," he wrote, but "definitely don't pass as 'rich' folks like on TV."
But for some reason, he felt compelled to hide the details from his son, and that decision has now backfired as his son has begun to notice they're not as well off as his peers.
The dad's been telling his son he only makes $1000/month for years. Now, his son is worried about their finances.
It all began when his son saw his checking account when he was around five and saw that it had $1000 in it. "So, I've been telling my son that I make $1K/month" whenever he asks to avoid getting into the details.
His son has been in private school ever since, and "we can definitely afford the bills," the dad wrote.
But now that his son is 11, he's begun doing the math, if you will. "Today, he told me that he [does not] want to go to private school because it's too expensive."
His wife also recently got laid off, and his son seemed to be taking it on as his own burden, telling his dad he wants to "get a job at Jamba Juice as soon as he's 15 so he can support us."
They're nowhere near that level of financial struggle, however, and he wants to ease his mind. But he worries coming clean will make his son more materialistic and make their financial situation more difficult.
Experts say parents' transparency about money is integral to teaching kids financial literacy.
While this dad's approach may be somewhat understandable — these issues are awkward, especially if cultural mores about money are part of the equation — experts are pretty much unanimous that he's doing more harm than good.
It's a simple fact that kids learn how to manage money by what their parents model. Lying about it, like this dad, teaches kids that money is something to feel shameful or secretive about. It is very much the wrong foot to start out on as it can make kids avoidant and anxious about finances, which often leads to them being terrible with money.
Many on Reddit said this is precisely what happened to them, in fact. "My dad did this kinda thing to me to 'protect' my innocence," one commenter wrote. "Now I’m AWFUL with money lol… I thought I’d be able to get rich easily."
This dad, however well-intentioned, is basically robbing his kid of the opportunity to learn the vital skills to avoid that kind of outcome. Experts at kids' mental health non-profit The Child Mind Institute say that parents being transparent about finances with their kids is key, regardless of income level, especially because, like this man's son, they're going to figure out whether you're rich or poor eventually anyway.
They suggest starting these lessons around age 5 or 6 by giving your child an allowance, even if it's tiny, and teaching them to divvy it up into three categories: spending, saving and donating — especially if you're a person of means.
This gives them the opportunity to learn not just budgeting and money management but also how the other half lives, if you will — and that's a vital empathy skill for children who live in financial comfort.
Avoiding these topics is all too easy. Our culture has long said that financial transparency is somehow gauche or inappropriate. But hiding your financial situation from your kids doesn't actually shield them from anything — other than opportunities to learn and grow.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.