The Craziest Life Hack I Learned From Vogue Magazine
Never leave the house without doing one critical activity.
Letícia Rodrigues | Pexels, Africa images | Canva I’ve always loved magazines, and I’ve always read lots of them. Although I love them, a lot of their life advice just doesn’t apply to me.
You Call This Advice?
For instance? When I was a teenager in the 1970s, I read an article in Glamour about how celebrities stay in shape. Illustrated, of course, with scads of photos of beautiful people with terrific bodies. Cool, I thought. I’d love to learn how to look as fit as Farrah Fawcett.
There were fitness tips from 50 celebrities. Some confided that they hit the gym every day. A few played tennis. Some worked with personal trainers. But here’s what most of them answered when asked how they stayed so fit: I run on the beach in Malibu!
I kid you not. So many celebrities said this that I immediately conjured up a mental image of a Malibu beach packed with sprinting superstars. Cher! Barbra Streisand! Ali McGraw! All running down the beach together.
The point is that I was reading this article in Detroit. In the winter. Running on the beach in Malibu wasn’t one of my options. Or running on any beach for that matter. Great work, Glamour. Thanks for the useless advice.
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Good advice from an unlikely source
However, a few years later, I read a life hack in Vogue Magazine that I could apply to my own life. A life hack so earthy and basic that I was a bit surprised to find it in the glamorous, glossy pages of Vogue.
In a feature about five things to do to make my life run more smoothly? Vogue told me to make sure I took a dump before I left the house each day.
The Vogue writer didn’t actually say “take a dump,” of course. I no longer remember exactly how they got the idea across, but I’m sure they said something classier and more euphemistic. But the meaning was clear.
Unlike the stuff about running on the beach in Malibu, that was a piece of advice I could immediately put to use. And from that day on, I did. I always make sure to structure my morning so that I can tick that very important activity off myto-do list before I leave the house. And my day is all the better for it.
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A trip to Fire Island
A few summers ago, I stayed with friends at a rental house on Fire Island. It was a great house, but the walls were so thin you could easily hear everything that went on in the other rooms. Including the bathroom.
I’m not the kind of person who takes noisy dumps with lots of grunts and exclamations. And yet, I’m shy enough that I didn’t want the two friends I shared the house with to have to listen to me taking care of business in the morning.
So, on our first day, when it was time for a morning stroll to the beach? I hung back, hoping they’d leave the house first so that I could do my thing, and then catch up with them. But they were too polite to leave without me.
So I told them about my Vogue life hack, explaining, “I don’t want to follow Vogue’s advice till you two are out of the house.” They got that and left me to it.
For the rest of the visit, they’d refer to my morning “activity” by saying “We’d better head out so Roz can Vogue.” Or, “We’re going to the beach. See you when you’re done Voguing!” And we all enjoyed our vacation.
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The takeaway for you?
Always Vogue before you leave the house. You’re welcome. (You get bonus points if you’re leaving the house to go running on the beach in Malibu.)
Roz Warren (roSwarren@gmail.com) writes for everyone from The New York Times to The Funny Times and has been featured on both The Today Show and Morning Edition. Roz is also a writing coach who works with writers one-on-one to improve their work.