9 Complaints Husbands Are Tired Of Hearing From Their Wives
This isn't how you should communicate in your marriage.
Zinkevych | Canva There are a million things married couples can nitpick about each other, but that doesn't mean you should. As wives, we must keep our husbands in check.
We have a right to yell at them for playing games on their cell phones all the time, not cutting their finger or toenails, and going to dinner wearing a wrinkled shirt. But other topics are not worth wasting our breath.
Here are 9 complaints husbands are tired of hearing from their wives:
1. His obsession with sports television
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Rather than comment about how your husband is always in front of the TV during baseball/football/hockey/whatever sports season, just accept the fact that he's going to watch each event, bet money on the winner behind your back, and probably scream at the screen while doing so.
It's a guy thing. We will never understand. Just like he'll never get why you can't miss an episode of your show.
Research by Rutgers University in 2015 exploring why husbands might feel frustrated with their wives' complaints often points to factors like gendered communication styles, perceived expectations of problem-solving, feelings of being criticized or not being heard, stress from work, and a mismatch in how couples handle conflict, with wives tending to express concerns more readily. In contrast, husbands might try to "fix" problems quickly.
2. Your body image
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Every husband has heard at one time or another how much his wife thinks she's fat, hates her hair, etc. To him, you're a goddess. He doesn't notice the few extra pounds you may have put on or that your roots are overgrown. Don't be so hard on yourself.
3. His lack of romance
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Your husband loves you. He does. He just doesn't always know how to show it. Remember, while you're watching romantic comedies, he's watching sports.
He needs someone to teach him how to keep the sparks alive. Start with leaving little love notes for him around the house and maybe he'll follow your lead.
Couples will always have complaints about each other. Unfortunately, instead of expressing their complaints, they criticize each other. Unchecked criticism leads to contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute has refined the skill of effective complaining down to a simple, three-part formula. The formula includes expressing your feelings, discussing a specific situation, and verbalizing a positive need.
4. His office hours
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We're sure he'd rather be home with his feet kicked up on the couch and a beer in his hand just as much as you want him to be home, but some jobs are more demanding than others. As long as he's not strolling in at 11 pm every night, don't badger him about pulling long hours at the office.
However, if that is the case, check his shirt collars for lipstick and perfume, just to be safe. And remember, you like to go shopping with that hard-earned cash.
5. Your PMS
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Guys are typically very sympathetic, but too much complaining about it and they will start feeling guilty or unhelpful. Always focusing on the negative (even when it's justified) can cause others to tune you out.
Instead, try focusing on solutions rather than dwelling on problems. A 2017 study out of Edith Coward University and the University of Western Australia found that rather than simply making accusing statements, such as "You did" this or that, use "I feel" statements to move the conversation into different territory. For example, "I feel ignored when you don't listen to me" is likely more effective at getting your partner's attention than saying, "You never listen."
6. His driving
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Just put your foot on the imaginary passenger seat brake pedal and keep quiet. He's not going to change his driving style just because you're in the car. Unless he's constantly getting pulled over, fined, or ticketed, let it go.
7. The type of music he blasts
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Not all couples enjoy the same music genres. Make a "safe" playlist of songs you like and play it when you're in the car together.
According to a 2023 study that looked at the reasons for and efficacy of marriage counseling, women are more likely than their male partners to be concerned about intimacy, child-rearing, and jealousy. Both men and women are likely to cite a lack of emotional intimacy, a lack of communication, a loss of trust, and stress outside the relationship as factors that led them to seek marriage counseling.
8. Keeping the house clean
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So what if the dishes still have food dried on the edges? At least he made the effort to help you and tried washing them. And if the house isn't vacuumed or the furniture is a little dusty, you'll live. It can wait another day. Everyone is so busy these days, sometimes you just need to let chores slide and enjoy family time.
9. His parents
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He probably feels the same about yours. Do you want all your conversations to revolve around your mother-in-law? Didn't think so.
Harvard University research states that couples should focus on openly communicating and showing appreciation for their partner to keep love alive. Hubby may be happy living a staid life following a routine. But there are two people in the relationship, and the wife wants interaction, something life-giving: perhaps a mutual hobby like dancing, pickleball, or a charity where they can work together.
Joelle Speranza is an author, lifestyle writer, and publicist who has been published in Oprah Daily, Insider, HuffPost, MindBodyGreen, Today.com Parenting Community, LittleThings, and more.