Child Support Case Worker Gives Her Take On Moms Using Their Checks To Get Their Nails Done — ‘Wake Up’
“Do something for you.”
RDNE Stock Project | CanvaPro As a custodial parent, receiving child support payments from an ex is almost universally accepted. What and how the custodial parent chooses to use that money is highly contested, however.
Many people believe that the only acceptable way to use those funds is for household expenses or for financial concerns directly impacting the child. But what about the well-being of the parent? Can he or she use those funds for self-care if the occasional treat means they show up as their best selves for their kids?
In response to a mom sharing that she “uses her child support” checks to fund her monthly nail salon trips, a case worker shared a controversial opinion — that she can do whatever she wants.
A child support case worker supported a mom who uses her child support checks to get her nails done.
“I work in child support,” a case worker known as @yourchildsupportbestie on TikTok explained. “People who get their nails done with their child support money are 100% normal because child support is a reimbursement for the previous month.”
While the child support process can be incredibly messy, stressful, and taxing, the compensation is intended to be fair. Although the calculations vary state by state, they are usually based on the income of both parents, factoring in custody agreements and the needs of their children.
“$23 barely gets me dinner,” the case worker said in her stitched video, “and that’s for myself and my three kids. So, $23 to get your nails done … I’m so glad. I’m thankful that you’re able to use your child support money to do something for you.”
As a ‘reimbursement’ for the previous month’s expenses, the case worker explained that child support payments hardly make a significant difference in bills.
“Do something for you,” she continued, “because last month, you supported [your kids], and now he’s paying you back for doing that. So, I love that for you!”
Especially if a parent is already paying for the entirety of everything else, as this case worker suggested, it only makes sense that they’d use their “child support money” to do something additional, entertaining, or supportive.
Just because you’re struggling with money doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of luxuries. These small expenses, like taking the kids for a treat or practicing self-care at the nail salon, are integral to the health and well-being of the family.
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Everyone deserves to feel like a human, if taking care of yourself by getting your nails done or spending a little bit of time away from your 24/7 parenting job helps you to do that — by all means, you should.
Of course, there’s a fine line between occasional luxury spending/self-care and irresponsible spending, but these are adults. They’re able to spend their money how they choose to, as long as their kids are well-taken care of, safe, comfortable, and happy.
Using child support for self-care is harshly criticized regardless of how the custodial parent's well-being directly impacts his or her kids.
“You should put that money where it’s supposed to go,” Lady J on TikTok argued. “Or let [the father] know exactly what one plans on using the [child support] money for.”
Despite paying for the entirety of her child’s costs the month before, along with the expenses and maintenance for their home, she was still being criticized for going to the nail salon.
Some argued that the criticism was directly related to the belief that mothers should always be sacrificing for their kids and never prioritize themselves.
Society views mothers as caretakers whose sole purpose is to cater to their families, and data backs that up. Regardless of their employment status in their home, they’re burdened with the bulk of childcare, chores in the home, and emotional labor, and if they are truly good mothers, they happily do it without want or care for themselves.
Society guilts mothers when they take time away from their kids and shames them when they invest time and energy into other parts of their identities. They’re not “stealing money” from their kids by spending child support on themselves; they’re taking care of themselves so they can show up for their kids, and they're teaching their kids by example that it's important to prioritize your happiness and well-being.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories