5 Charming Ways To Start A Conversation With Literally Anyone, According To Psychology
Start a conversation with your future.
djile | Shutterstock Before you let another person you are interested in walk away without a word of introduction and before you get left standing alone again, it may be time to learn some hard truths about how to start a conversation.
Being a good conversationalist can help you attract great people, whether romantically, professionally, or even someone who may turn out to be a new friend. With each new conversation you have, you never know — you might be talking to your future.
Here are five ways to start a conversation with literally anyone:
1. Believe you can get someone to converse with you
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Ready for a cold, hard dose of truth? Starting a conversation is simple.
Find someone you want to talk with. Initiate dialogue in a language you both understand. When you're done speaking to your chosen person, patiently wait for them to say their part, and the conversation has started.
When one of the involved parties stops talking, the conversation is over. That completes the technical training on how to start and end a conversation. Simple enough. So why is it so difficult to start conversations?
2. Stop living in fear of rejection
We often feel we aren't good enough. "Who am I to talk to her?" we say when we should be saying, "Who am I NOT to talk to her?"
You are good enough, but you have to believe it. We have amazing things to offer because we're amazing people. We need to own this because when we do, we find new conversations are like talking to old friends: effortless.
We need to stop looking at people as strangers. Instead, we should view them as friends we haven't yet met. You see someone as a stranger because a voice in your head tells you so, but that stranger wants to laugh, cry, and love just like you. Just like me.
Deep down, we all want the same things. The people we let slip away are the memories we never make. Fear allows this, but love doesn't.
3. Lead the conversation with honesty
There's no right or wrong way to go about this when the intent is genuine. Don't think of the perfect thing to say, because making the effort alone was perfect. You tried.
Do you get rejected? So what. That's one less time you'll ever be rejected. Your pride will recover.
We should be thankful for rejection. That's where we get our growth, wisdom, and confidence. Take a chance. Be silly, be kind, be vulnerable, be funny, but most of all, be something, as demonstrated in a study from the American Psychological Association on authenticity and relational well-being.
4. Get out of your head
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We view people through a selfish lens, thinking "What can they do for me?" while we should think of how we can be of service to other people. When we get out of our heads and think of others, all of a sudden the right things to say come easy to us.
Once we're available for other people, we're more available for ourselves and don't have to think of what to say.
5. Realize that every person wants the same thing you do
So how do you start a conversation? You just do.
A study on laughter and relationship well-being supports that every person wants the same thing you want: safety, love, and laughter. Give them that. Give yourself that. You can provide those things because you are those things.
Talking to the person and getting rejected is a success. Standing on the corner asking "What if?" is the only possible avenue for failure.
Justin McClure is a filmmaker, photographer, digital marketer, content creator, creative director, and author of Pray Your Kids Are Ugly.