Catering Server Shares The Story Of How A Marriage Objection Resulted In An All Out Brawl And A Jewel Heist During A Wedding
Don't ask "does anybody object to this marriage" if you don't want an answer!
siamionau pavel | Shutterstock At one time or another, most of us have been to a weird wedding, or a boring wedding, or an awkward wedding, or a wedding where things just didn't quiiiiite come together as they should. It's just how big events go sometimes, right?
But there's all of that, and then there's the wedding one former catering server on TikTok worked at, which went off the rails in ways that you cannot even imagine. Enough jibber-jabber — let's just get into this wedding that is like something ripped straight from the pages of the trashiest novel you've ever read in your life if said novel was written by drunk, brawling "Real Housewives" stars. Buckle in, bestie!
A catering server shared the wildest wedding story of his career.
DeAndre, known as @deandreee_ on TikTok, shared in a recent nine-minute video that he worked at a private wedding venue when he was in high school. It was an upscale, "secluded historical destination" that catered mainly to, as he put it, "bougie white folks."
As a man who loves a good messy spectacle, DeAndre joked that during his entire tenure at the venue, "I would pray for mess," because as he put it, "what's the point of working at rich people [stuff] if you'll never get a show?"
Hard to argue with that — if you have to put up with "Real Housewives" kind of people you're OWED "Real Housewives" type of drama. It's only fair! One day, after about a year of working there, DeAndre finally got his wish.
When the server entered the reception, it was obvious something had gone VERY wrong — and he immediately began investigating.
It all started when DeAndre walked into the reception after using the restroom and it was immediately clear the mess he'd hoped for had at last arrived.
"I finally got my wish," he said. "The reason that I knew that these rich folks ruined their very expensive day was the weight in the air."
He quickly noticed a few key signs — everyone, from the wedding party to the guests and even the venue staff, were dispersed into small groups in various corners of the room, avoiding each other. "All these white folks' faces is red as the midnight sun," he said. And in the distance: Screaming.
But like SCREAMING, screaming, coming from another building on the property. "Like if I didn't know the context of the particular situation, I'd think somebody was getting murdered," he said. But nobody left — even though it seemed like the wedding should be over given, you know, THE SCREAMING, nobody budged.
So DeAndre got right to work — at getting to the bottom of the mess, that is. He grabbed a tray of drinks and goodies and started circulating. "Me? I was on a mission," he said, to "get my Nancy Drew on, cause I'm getting to the bottom of this [stuff]."
He discovered the wedding party outside, crying beside a pile of jewelry in the dirt — and blood on the bride's dress.
Outside the back door of the venue's kitchen was a trail through the venue's grounds, and it was here that he stumbled onto a scene his eyes couldn't believe. "The whole wedding party scattered in front of the kitchen, across this trail before my eyes," DeAndre said.
"Folks half dressed. All of a sudden, they crying and sniffling. Most of them just sitting in the dirt," beside, for some reason, a pile of jewelry on the ground.
He circulated through the crowd offering drinks until he found the bride, who appeared to have spilled wine on her dress, which DeAndre offered to help clean up. "She says, oh, no, that's blood." Record scratch! MA'AM! Ma'am, blood?!
DeAndre continued circulating and suddenly discovered a dog. "A very happy dog, tongue out, grinning from ear to ear, tail wagging ferociously." No offense, but what in the [redacted] is going on at this wedding?!
Inna Reznik | Shutterstock
He then discovered an old British woman crying — the very woman the staff had been told not to allow on the premises for any reason.
Amidst all this commotion was an older woman sobbing and being consoled by a handful of guests. One glimpse at her and DeAndre knew he'd struck the jackpot.
"I recognize this lady," he said. "We were showed a picture of her that morning and told to try and keep her out if she tried to show up." Clearly, that didn't work!
The woman, who was also British and drunk — these are important details because they are funny — quickly scolded him to go away, so DeAndre went to do his job for a bit while awaiting another opportunity for investigation.
An hour later, it came. He found a large man who had a keen interest in the cookies DeAndre was serving from his tray. "I say, 'The whole tray is yours if you can tell me what happened.'" GIVE DEANDRE A CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL OF HONOR. NOW.
It seemed that one of the groomsmen objected to the wedding, and a fight broke out.
It turned out the man was one of the photographers, and he reluctantly began to spill. "I shouldn't be talking about these people," he told DeAndre. "But I never seen an objection in my life" — meaning that part of a wedding when the officiant says, "If anyone has an objection to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace."
Suffice it to say, one of the groomsmen decided to do the former and not the latter! And a fight immediately broke out—but according to the photographer, people weren't fighting the groomsman; they were fighting someone else: another groomsman and the drunk British lady.
"And then the dog bit someone," DeAndre said. As if this weren't insane enough, he then found a lost child (!!!???!!!) who'd gotten separated in the chaos and began interrogating HIM for more tea, which is hilarious, and I'm so serious we need to get DeAndre a Purple Heart YESTERDAY.
But wait, because this is where we are about to veer into legit French farce territory: The little boy called the dog over, and it had PANTLEG FABRIC IN ITS MOUTH FROM BITING THE OTHER GROOMSMAN. You could not write a better comedy in one million years of trying. Give up! You're a hack!
"It becomes very clear to me that none of these outside people are gonna give me the information that I need," DeAndre said. "Only one will: Alcoholic British [Word That Rhymes With Witch That We Cannot Print Without Making Google Mad]."
Anna Shvets | Pexels
So he made her a GIANT cocktail and found her. And that is indeed when the tea FINALLY began to truly spill. All over the place. Flooding the grounds.
It turned out the Alcoholic British Lady was the groom's mother — and the bride had been sleeping with TWO of the groomsmen.
Once the Alcoholic British Lady started talking, she couldn't stop. She told DeAndre that she and the bride hated each other, and "everyone knew she was gonna try to ruin this day, and she did."
She tried to disrupt the ceremony multiple times but was stopped by a security guard. One of the groomsmen thought she was there to expose him, and objected to the wedding so that she wouldn't. He stood up and announced that he and the bride had been sleeping together and he was in love with her. GASP!!!
But hold on one second, because as DeAndre put it: "I feel like you thought you knew where this was going for a second, but you don't."
The Alcoholic British Lady decided to still shoot her shot anyway, and she burst into the ceremony, accused the bride of sleeping around, and then threw a huge box of jewelry right at another groomsman's head — hence the blood on the bride's dress. Then a fight broke out between THEM.
Now, dear reader, I hear you asking: Why the jewelry, and what's with the second groomsman? THE BRIDE HAD BEEN SLEEPING WITH HIM TOO. And as for the jewelry? Well!!!
The second groomsman had ALSO been gradually stealing the bride's jewelry and cash (!!!)
Are you running around your house screaming and breaking things in absolute unbridled glee? Because that's what I did when I first saw this! I haven't felt this exhilarated since Teresa Giudice flipped that table at Danielle Staub on "Real Housewives Of New Jersey!"
It turns out that the Alcoholic British Lady suspected the goings-on, snuck into the groomsman's house, found the bride's jewelry, and collected it, waiting for the moment to expose them! YOU COULD NOT WRITE THIS IF YOU TRIED.
Then she showed up at the wedding, exposed him, hurled the glittering evidence at his head, and sparked a huge fist fight — which eclipsed the first groomsman who'd objected and admitted to an affair entirely because, after all, a second affair THAT IS ALSO A JEWEL HEIST is a whole lot more interesting.
But what's with the dog? Oh, I'll tell you what's with the dog — the dog was a GUARD DOG who recognized the second groomsman as the JEWEL THIEF that kept coming into the house and promptly BIT HIM the moment she arrived at the wedding venue. "The dog knew," DeAndre said. "She knew about that man; that's why she was happy when she finally got her licks in." Good girl!
Now, obviously, we've been on a journey together here that none of us will ever forget. But wouldn't it be just that little bit better if there were a punchline to this story? WELL, GOOD NEWS: It turns out nobody, including the Alcoholic British Lady, had any idea the bride was even sleeping with the FIRST groomsman who made the objection in the first place! He would have gotten away with it if he'd just shut up and let the old girl blow up the wedding!
The moral of the story is this, according to DeAndre: "I speak for all servers and on-site staff when I say, please, please object at that wedding. Leave somebody at their altar, say 'I don't' during the 'I do's.' Cuz it's integral to the culture." Amen, and point taken, DeAndre — and I am never RSVP'ing "regrets" again.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.