Career Prep Expert Advocates For Being Meaner At Work With A 3-Step Process To Get Ahead Without Being Too Complacent
Work is for money, not for friends.
Christina Morillo | Pexels In 2024, you may have spent time being a pushover at work, but no more of that this year. It's time to stand your ground and be more assertive. In other words, it's time to be mean.
Not mean as in you're going around bullying people at work, but mean in the sense that you're okay with being unlikable so long as you're doing your job and are on your way to increasing your salary. Career prep expert Emily Rezkalla thinks it's time for employees to stop being so nice at work, especially when it means being taken advantage of. She shared the three-step process you should take to start standing your ground instead of trying to make everyone like you.
A career prep expert shared her 3-step process for being meaner at work:
"I'm gonna say this once, and I'm gonna say this was love," Rezkalla started. "You need to be meaner at work this year." She went on to say, which is probably true, "You were way too nice in 2024."
Rezkalla was not by any means condoning bullying and explained, "When I say mean, I mean assertive, direct, opinionated." Adding, "If your measure in success is people liking you, then sure stay agreeable, they're just going to like you for being complacent," she said. But if you do want to start being meaner, she shared the three steps to take.
1. Practice being professionally mean in low-stakes situations
Rezkalla recommended starting off by giving feedback to a trusted co-worker who would not be shy about pushing back. She went on to say that you should avoid testing out your newfound assertiveness on people you aren't too close with, like a manager or new hire.
This small step helps you become more comfortable speaking your mind instead of just staying silent even when you have something to say. It also gives you a chance to practice without risking severed relationships or workplace drama. And let's face it, no one wants to deal with drama at work. In fact, according to the 2022 “Conflict at Work” research from the Myers-Briggs Company, employees spend an average of 4.34 hours per week dealing with work drama, and when added up, results in 5 weeks of lost work in a year!
2. Don't shy away from setting clear and direct boundaries
Just because you're being paid doesn't mean you're obligated to do every single thing that is asked of you. If someone asks for help, but you are already swamped with your own responsibilities, Rezkalla recommended letting them know you would need more time and resources to help in their department or just say "no" and explain why.
"The measure of success at work is not how many friends you have; it's how many moves you make," she said. Setting boundaries might make you less likable to some, but that doesn't matter. You're there to do your job, not become friends with everybody.
prathan chorruangsak | Canva Pro
If you're worried about how setting boundaries may affect your job, it's good to sit down and define your priorities and determine your limits. From there, you can communicate your boundaries and be consistent with them, according to PsychCentral.
F. Diane Barth, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist, told the outlet, “Boundaries are all about respect — for yourself and for the other person. When a colleague says something inappropriate that you want to address, go for it. But keep in mind that anger, sarcasm, put-downs, and criticisms will not accomplish much, except to get you both worked up. Boundaries really don’t work if they’re used to punish another person. If you make it clear that you respect the other person, it’s much easier to communicate that you expect them to respect you as well.”
3. Ask intentional and thoughtful questions
It's time to start asking questions in the workplace that really matter if you want to get further with your career. "There's a difference between 'how can we make this more efficient?' and 'how can we make this more efficient? I suggest we consider x, y, and z,'" Rezkalla said.
Asking questions that are intentional instead of simply challenging makes it clear that you're invested in your work and are willing to discuss complex topics. Eventually, higher-ups will notice your initiative, and that's how promotions happen.
Rezkalla sagely concluded, "Sure, there's gonna be one person that's not gonna like you, but you're gonna have a fatter paycheck by the end of the year." That certainly sounds like a very good incentive.
Sahlah Syeda is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.