11 Brilliant Phrases To Use When Someone Doesn't Keep Their Word
Consistency is what breeds trust in a relationship.
Trzykropy | Shutterstock Consistency, trust, communication, and commitment are necessary to uphold in healthy relationships. When a partner, friend, or peer doesn't keep their word or fails at keeping a commitment, they're not only sabotaging those basic fundamentals, they're encouraging their partner not to trust them, taking away the mutual understanding and security at the foundation of their connection.
Even if it's uncomfortable to discuss these breaches of trust, consider some of the brilliant phrases to use when someone doesn't keep their word. Not only will they open conversations where your partner can take accountability for their hurtful actions, but they can promote a peace of mind in your relationship that sets clear boundaries, expectations, and future growth.
Here are 11 brilliant phrases to use when someone doesn't keep their word
1. 'I understand things come up, but I was counting on you'
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Even when you don't feel understood in the face of your hurt feelings, expressing a sense of understanding to someone who may have broken your trust can be helpful for fostering open and honest communication. Empathize with their situation, but don't forget to also express your needs and advocate for yourself.
Like experts from Insight Counseling Center argue, when a person breaks a promise or commitment, it not only sabotages the trust that lies at the foundation of a relationship, it urges their partner to feel unseen and unheard.
It's possible to both accept an apology and seek recognition for those uncomfortable feelings, especially if you're hoping to pave a healthier path forward in your relationship.
2. 'I expect the people I trust to keep their commitments'
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Setting expectations and clear boundaries in a relationship can ensure that everyone feels secure and heard, even when things get chaotic and stress builds up in other parts of your life.
Remind people of your expectations and re-assert these boundaries when there's a breach of trust, not only to ensure you're being prioritized and respected by a partner, but also to open communication about your emotions in a way that's empowering for everyone, rather than uncomfortable or strained.
3. 'I respect your time, I'd like you to respect mine, as well'
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When you advocate for healthy boundaries and set expectations that serve your best interests in a relationship, you're ensuring your connections are empowering and feeding into your own sense of self-respect.
It's easy to advocate for yourself and hold yourself in high regard when other elements in your life — like work partnerships and relationships — are feeding into your security and self-esteem. When a partner breaches your trust by breaking a commitment, remind them of the respect you deserve and expect with a brilliant phrase like this.
4. 'I'd prefer to know early if you can't keep a commitment'
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While it's often healthy for partners to pour into their own interests and live their own lives in a way, ensuring there's open communication in a relationship is incredibly important. If you're not going to make a commitment you've agreed to, communicate. If you're struggling to have your needs met by a partner, communicate.
Using a phrase like this is a simple way to open up a conversation about what you expect and need from a relationship, even if you're simultaneously coping with uncomfortable emotions or hurt.
5. 'Let's try to communicate better in the future'
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Marriage mediator Laurie Israel suggests that opening up honest and open communication in your relationships can often start with a simple phrase like "How are you feeling?" or "What do you need from me right now?"
Many of the brilliant phrases to use when someone doesn't keep their word revolve around this need for communication. It gives us the chance to express our emotions, resolve conflict, and pave the best way forward with everyone's best interests in mind.
While this looks different for every couple and every relationship, whether it's platonic, romantic, or professional, setting a boundary around trust and necessary communication can be helpful. What do you need in the future? What expectations do you have for commitments with this person? What's the most comfortable and secure path forward?
6. 'I forgive you, but how can we ensure this doesn't happen again?'
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A study from Personal Relationships found that forgiveness in relationships isn't just beneficial for relationship fitness — the health and well-being of your connection — it can also benefit each partner's individual well-being, helping to reassure and provide security. Coupled with the latter half of this phrase, expressing forgiveness is important to ensure that any communication that follows isn't tainted by uncomfortable feelings of insecurity or rejection.
If you want to maintain a relationship with this person, who likely has violated your trust in some way, remind them that you're committed, and you expect them to also be committed to you. Work collaboratively to figure out how to move forward, rather than holding your hurt over their head, trying to change their behavior with emotional blackmail or condescension.
7. 'Consistency is important to me'
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As psychologist Jeremy Nicholson explains, partners who are dependable and show up for themselves are more likely to effectively commit to their interpersonal relationships. They understand, by showing up for their own commitments, healthy habits, and interests, that to maintain healthy relationships, it's important to be consistent and to show up when needed.
Being able to express this need for consistency in a relationship is relatively straightforward with this phrase; however, it's important to understand how often your partner is prioritizing themself. Are they falling short on their own commitments? Do they hold a relationship centered on trust with themself?
In some scenarios, negative answers to those questions may be red flags in a relationship, urging you to consider whether or not someone is capable of being committed to a partner when they're not even showing up for themselves. At the end of the day, it's this intentional reflection, both inward and with a partner, that sparks productive conversations and healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
8. 'I'm disappointed, but I accept your apology'
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Expressing love towards someone isn't always comfortable; in fact, arguments and conflict resolutions can be some of the most productive conversations for healthy partners to have, even when they're uncomfortable. By taking a moment to express your hurt to a partner, you also remind them that you're on the same team.
Even amid a conflict or your own disappointment, you can work together to figure out the healthiest path forward, whether it's boundaries for better commitments or scheduled communication that helps everyone to feel more secure.
9. 'How can we move forward to rebuild trust?'
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Relationship therapist Elisa Blair argues that rebuilding trust in a relationship starts with three main principles: taking accountability, leading with empathy, and envisioning a new path forward. If someone in your life has taken accountability and you're willing to accept their apology from an empathetic perspective, the only thing needed to move forward from a breach of trust in a future plan.
Work together to figure out how to ensure everyone's needs are met, whether they're emotional or physical. Brainstorm how to better communicate and express those needs in everyday life, even if it's a scheduled discussion at the end of the day.
Maintaining and rebuilding trust in relationships is a practice that both partners have to intentionally commit to. Don't let your feelings, needs, or emotions be repressed to "keep the peace," as it's necessary to communicate them to prioritize the health of your relationship.
10. 'I'd like to feel like a priority in my relationships'
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While it's important to keep your composure while still expressing uncomfortable emotions and disappointment, in conversations with someone who's broken your trust, it's also perfectly acceptable to ask for an explanation.
If you have set a boundary and expressed your need for trust in a close relationship, it's important to get clarity when you're disrespected, whether it was a broken promise or a failed commitment that sparked these feelings.
Trust, loyalty, and commitment look different in every relationship, like experts from The Gottman Institute argue. When commitments are broken, we can feel betrayed from the breach of trust we expect, but there's space to cultivate it again in the conversations that follow.
It's important to work out your differences and get back on the same page, even if that means relying on the brilliant phrases to use when someone doesn't keep their word.
11. 'Thank you for communicating that, but I don't feel prioritized'
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Especially if your partner or friend is consistently breaking their commitments with you, it's important to remind them that their actions and inconsistencies have consequences. Like a study published in the Journal of Family Theory & Review suggests, commitment in a relationship — whether it's loyalty, open communication, or keeping promises — helps people to feel like their partners have their best interests in mind.
When they don't keep their word or cancel plans last minute, it's this sense of understanding and comfort that's sabotaged, causing resentment and insecurity to bubble up, even in the healthiest of relationships.
Ensure that your uncomfortable feelings are communicated, even if it's difficult to verbalize in a passing conversation, so that you're not burdened with repressed feelings growing erratically behind the scenes.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.