Bride Wonders If It Would Be Wrong To Exclude Her Sister With Tourette's Syndrome From Her Wedding Ceremony
She fears her sister's tics will disrupt her special day.
DocPhotos | Shutterstock Planning a wedding is a monumental, and often stressful, endeavor. There's so much to do, from choosing the venue to hiring a caterer to nailing down the guest list.
As one bride on Reddit learned that latter task can be especially daunting. Deciding who makes the cut, and who will be without an invite, has the potential to cause endless strife — especially when family members are not invited.
The woman on Reddit didn't invite her sister, not out of pettiness or sibling conflict, but because she feared her sister's Tourette's Syndrome would distract from her big day.
The bride wondered if it was wrong to exclude her sister with Tourette's Syndrome from her wedding ceremony.
The 28-year-old bride-to-be explained that she is marrying her fiancé Max this summer and as such has begun the wedding planning process. A roadblock the couple quickly ran into was deciding whether or not to invite her sister Megan to the ceremony.
Her 32-year-old sister has Tourette's Syndrome, a disorder described by the Mayo Clinic as involving "repetitive movements or unwanted sounds (tics) that can't be easily controlled."
“As long as I’ve been alive, I’ve never seen Megan sit through a long ceremony or presentation without tics, not even her high school/college graduation or for any sibling’s graduations,” the woman explained. Her most common tic — saying "ha-ha-ha" — is also "extremely loud, bordering on yelling."
It's not that the woman doesn't want her sister involved in her wedding at all — she's invited to the rehearsal dinner, the bachelorette party, and the reception.
However, for the actual ceremony, the bride-to-be doesn't want any distractions.
“My fiancé and I are writing our own vows and I just want to hear him say them without interruption,” she wrote. “The ceremony is fairly long and I seriously doubt Megan’s ability to go that long without ticcing. She has said that holding back tics is like holding back a sneeze, only a thousand times more difficult.”
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The Redditor added that she has autism and struggles greatly when her plans are disrupted. Given how much planning goes into a wedding, she doesn't want anything to go awry. The bride further noted that there is a "non-zero chance" that her sister's tics could get someone at her wedding injured, including herself.
“Even though she said she could deal, she has a history of either underestimating or minimizing how bad her tics would be,” the woman admitted. “She said she could handle her stressors and manage them but whacked me in the face at a funeral a couple [of] years ago.”
Despite the bride’s concerns, Megan was devastated when she learned about her lack of invite. She accused the Redditor of "being mean, ableist, and a 'bridezilla,'" causing a divide within their family.
Eventually, the bride called her sister to talk, but the conversation did not go well.
In a follow-up post, the woman detailed the conversation she had with her sister. She apologized for hurting Megan's feelings and her sister admitted that weddings are a sore spot because several of her friends excluded her from theirs.
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The bride then offered an alternative — she suggested her sister watch the ceremony on a live feed from the “nursery room” of the wedding venue. Unfortunately, Megan did not approve of this compromise, suggesting her sister was ashamed of her and attempting to hide her. The pair went back and forth, arguing about Megan's ability to control her tics and the likeliness that she would hurt someone.
"I reiterated my points: I’m not ashamed of the tics in and of themselves, I am worried about [the] potential harm they could cause," the bride-to-be wrote. "If she wants to bet our entire relationship on her confidence she won’t motor tic and hurt someone, she can be my guest, but I’m done."
Megan then begged the bride to consider alternatives, like a bigger venue or private vows. "She said she felt like I didn’t take her needs into consideration and planned the wedding without thinking [about] her at all," she wrote
Ultimately a wedding is about the bride and groom.
To not want her vows to be interrupted is an entirely reasonable expectation of a bride. While it is unfortunate that her sister wouldn't be able to attend the ceremony — and understandable that Megan's feelings were hurt — she offered her sister an alternative option and is including her in all other aspects of the day.
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In the end, though, a wedding is about the bride and groom. That's ultimately what the Redditor told her sister — with a few choice words.
“I snapped,” the bride admitted. “I said, ‘Of course I didn’t think of you, it’s MY [explitive] WEDDING. Mine!”
There seemed to be some underlying resentment within the family, as the bride expressed frustration that her entire life and childhood revolved around her sister’s needs. “You got Mom and Dad’s attention, all the sympathy, all the money went towards your treatments,” the bride told her sister. “And now I can’t even have my own wedding without making it about you?”
Megan quickly hung up the phone. In another update, the Redditor shared that Megan and her parents have since been disinvited from the wedding.
Weddings should be a time of celebration and it's unfortunate that some of the bride's family won't be in attendance. However, it seems this disagreement brought up some underlying issues that needed to be addressed. The Redditor clearly felt unappreciated and ignored within her family dynamic. If there was ever a day to respect her wishes, her wedding was certainly that. Hopefully, she will have a beautiful and happy wedding regardless.
Erika Ryan is a writer working on her bachelor's degree in Journalism. She is based in Florida and covers relationships, psychology, self-help, and human interest topics.