The Bravest Thing You Can Do After ‘Getting Burned’ By Someone You Loved, Respected, Or Trusted
You can learn to heal from the scars inflicted by others who betrayed you.
Andrii Lysenko / Canva Pro Once someone you care for deeply breaks your trust, it can be challenging to open your heart and let someone back in again. The pain of betrayal stings, and being betrayed repeatedly only chips away at your self-worth.
One man took to TikTok to remind victims of betrayal of the bravest thing they could do for themselves.
The man, Travis Percy, frequently shares content with an emphasis on empathy, offering ways to “rehumanize the internet” through music and sociology.
“If you feel like you’ve been burned, disappointed, neglected by folks you trusted, the natural human response is to not trust folks again and keep to yourself,” he began his video.
In fact, this is not only a natural response, but it is a trauma response that arises after someone we love breaches our trust, taking an emotional and psychological toll on our well-being.
Betrayal trauma not only impacts the mind but alters the physical body as well, with symptoms such as negative body image, insomnia, aversion to intimacy, vomiting, and migraines. The journey to overcoming the stress induced by betrayal is a challenging one, but it’s possible.
“One of the bravest things you can do after that, once you collect the lessons from what happened, is to trust again and to love again,” Percy explained. “Because if you don't, and you're protecting yourself to block out potential pain or betrayal, you’re also blocking out all the joy and love that you deserve to receive, and that's no way to live.”
After all, life is a collection of blissful and painful experiences. We love, and we lose, and we laugh, and we hurt. But where there’s pain, there’s always an opportunity for growth, reflection, and healing, which can lead to an even better experience in the end.
We mustn’t limit ourselves to the painful experiences inflicted by those who ‘burned’ us.
People who easily betray, disappoint, abuse, or neglect you are only a small percentage of the different kinds of people we will come across in life.
While being hurt by the people we cherish the most leaves emotional and psychological scars, with time and intentional self-compassion, those scars can gradually heal.
After someone lets you down and breaks your trust, it’s natural to revert to isolating yourself in order to recover. It’s OK to take the time you need to learn to love yourself again after such a traumatic experience.
You may never feel like the same person you once were, but you are a stronger one. You may feel weary and hypervigilant of others in the future, constantly suspicious of their actions and intentions. It’s natural, and encouraged even, to exert caution with who you allow into your energy, as it’s not healthy to exhibit naivety and trust everyone either.
You may feel unwilling to develop deeper connections with others again, and this is a subconscious trauma response we adopt as a way to protect ourselves.
But as Percy pointed out, there’s a difference between protecting yourself and isolating yourself.
People still need people, even the ones who have been hurt in the past.
It’s not easy to discern who is trustworthy and who is not, but restricting yourself from letting new people into your life again because of your fear of getting hurt is only doing a large disservice to yourself and additionally allowing the ones who hurt you to win.
Of course, due to the trauma, it’s not exactly easy to wholeheartedly trust someone again. Rather, focus on taking small steps.
The first thing you can do is recognize the trauma and how it impacted you. Acknowledge how this betrayal shaped your mind, body, and spirit. Question your responses to certain situations and triggers. With time, you’ll learn to release your innate sense of fear over the various potential outcomes of letting others into your life.
Finding support in those you do trust will be your guide to seeing the kindness and compassion that does still exist around us.
If you meet someone you feel drawn to, and something about their energy feels genuine, but you can’t help but fear the worst, a great way to determine their true intentions is to be open and honest about your feelings with them.
Communicate your desire to move slowly into a deeper connection, and set firm boundaries. Anyone who is a real friend will respect and value your boundaries.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.