The Best And Worst Man For You, According To Your Personality Type
If you're a perfectionist, the romantic type may not be for you.
Sjale | Shutterstock Whether you are looking to improve a good relationship, find your soulmate, or understand a difficult partner, gaining an understanding of the nine universal personality types will make you more aware of your traits and help you appreciate your partner more, judge less, align a potential match, and possibly welcome your personality differences. According to the Enneagram, there are nine universal personality types. Most likely, you encompass pieces of all nine types. However, most experts agree you possess one dominant type.
Every human being emerges from childhood with an inborn temperament and dominating personality traits. Believe it or not, your DNA encodes most personality characteristics. It is these inborn tendencies that largely determine how you adapt to your childhood environment, family members, education, and conflicts — and not the other way around. This could very well be the reason why you may not get along with your ex-boyfriend, while his current girlfriend seems to have a soul connection. Or perhaps you and your husband get along beautifully, but you don't fare well with his family.
Here is the best and worst man for you, according to personality type:
1. The Perfectionist
PeopleImages.com – Yuri A | Shutterstock
The Perfectionist personality type has high standards; is often critical of herself and her partner; motivated by improving people and the world around her; often seen as controlling, obsessive, and judgmental; seeks perfection; wouldn't think of asking for help.
Best Love Match: The Adventurer (teaches the perfectionist how to lighten up)
Perfectionists and Adventurers have a particular complementary and reciprocal relationship, according to the Enneagram Institute. They are opposites who can either bring something needed to the other person, thereby helping both to achieve new growth or, as we will see, they can drive each other further apart by playing on each other’s weaknesses, consciously or not.
Worst Love Match: The Romantic (not productive enough for the perfectionist)
2. The Helper
dekazigzag | Shutterstock
The Helper personality type puts her partner's needs ahead of her own; has trouble receiving; may tend to work or perform for love; is a good listener; masks her feelings; prioritizes herself last; has a dire need for the others' love; will manipulate or victimize herself to get love; overly accommodating; won't speak up for herself.
Best Love Match: The Asserter (can teach the helper how to speak up)
They quickly play roles that the other needs and wants: the Asserter is practical and concerned with results, whereas Helpers are more people-oriented and openly altruistic. They are both strong-willed and like taking on responsibility if they choose it themselves.
Worst Love Match: The Romantic (will take advantage of the helper)
3. The Achiever
simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock
Someone with the Achiever personality type measures herself by her success; driven; typically not in touch with her feelings or her partner's feelings; industrious; efficient; often overly competitive, narcissistic, and insensitive to achieve results; may ignore her partner; preoccupied with work.
Best Love Match: The Adventurer (achiever can learn how to have fun)
The Enneagram Institute says this is a highly complementary pair: both types are self-assertive, have high energy, and are outgoing and capable of being around people with relative ease. Both types bring optimism, a future orientation, a sense of possibility, and renewal to their relationships and the enterprises they become involved with.
Worst Love Match: The Peacemaker (achievers will see them as lazy and unmotivated)
4. The Romantic
NDAB Creativity | Shutterstock
As you'd expect, the Romantic personality type is emotional and needs you to notice her; often idealistic about her relationships; creative; warm; needs you to understand her; can attract a partner very quickly, but has trouble keeping her; goes to great lengths to avoid being ordinary; often moody, depressed, guilt-ridden; expects excessive availability from her partner or they feel neglected.
Best Love Match: The Perfectionist (ironically, the perfectionist can teach herself discipline and practicality)
Perfectionists and Romantics have an intense mutual interest in bringing something good and beautiful into the world. The Enneagram Institute says both are idealistic and concerned with getting it right in their work and self-expression.
Worst Love Match: The Helper (romantic becomes overly dependent)
5. The Observer
Zoran Zeremski | Shutterstock
The Observer personality type is curious, needs to understand every detail, is a bit of a loner, may have trouble connecting in relationships, is self-sufficient, doesn't want to look foolish, wise, analytical, often stubborn, and emotionally distant.
Best Love Match: The Adventurer (can teach observer how to become more fun-loving and broad-minded)
Worst Love Match: The Asserter (they will fuel each other's anger)
6. The Loyalist
fast-stock | Shutterstock
The Loyalist personality type likes safety and security; doesn't like change; seeks approval; insecure, loyal, responsible, and trustworthy; do not trust easily; tends to make a great monogamous partner; sometimes paranoid; worrier, defensive, and independent.
Best Love Match: The Peacemaker (teaches the loyalist to take life less seriously)
This is one of the most stable and common relationships, according to the Enneagram Institute. Although both types are very different, they want somewhat similar things—the Loyalists want security and predictability, and the Peacemakers want stability and autonomy. They both want their lives built on solid, dependable values and for good, honest work to be rewarded.
Worst Love Match: The Achiever (loyalist will feel neglected around achievers)
7. The Adventurer
Kampus Production | Pexels
The Adventurer personality type needs freedom, has a short attention span, tends to get bored easily, especially in relationships, likes to have fun, avoids suffering and negativity, charming, spontaneous, sometimes restless, impulsive, undisciplined, and rebellious.
Best Love Match: The Observer (settles the adventurer down)
Since they are both thinking types, Adventurers and Observers bring a lot of mental energy and appreciation for ideas to their relationship. Their approach is complementary and reciprocal—each brings something the other does not have, the Enneagram Institute explains.
Worst Love Match: The Perfectionist (adventurer becomes resentful of the perfectionist; sees him/her as the bulwark to having fun)
8. The Asserter
Branislav Nenin | Shutterstock
The Asserter personality type tends to be loud, somewhat aggressive, likes to take on the bully, isn't intimidated by much, needs to be heard, self-reliant, direct, protective, and can be domineering, insensitive, aggressive, and controlling.
Best Match: The Helper (teaches the asserter vulnerability, tenderness, and concern for others)
The Enneagram Institute found that these two types are more alike than they might appear initially. Both are action-oriented and want to have a personal impact on their environment. Both can be sentimental and profoundly feeling, with a soft side that is often more hidden than apparent.
Worst Match: The Observer (asserter becomes distrusting; more withdrawn)
9. The Peacemaker
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock
The Peacemaker personality type wants everyone to get along; usually the mediator; avoids conflict; takes on the other eight personalities depending on who he/she is trying to make happy; can be pleasant, generous, open-minded, stubborn, passive-aggressive, judgmental.
Best Match: The Achiever (peacemaker becomes more efficient and productive)
The Enneagram Institute found that this is a common pairing. The Peacemaker brings enormous support, encouragement, and a sense of pride in the Achiever’s accomplishments. The Achiever can feel that with the Peacemaker behind them, they can be themselves, explore their potential, and become the best mates, friends, or professionals that they can be.
Worst Match: The Loyalist (peacemaker becomes more indecisive and rigid, overwhelmed by worry and anxiety)
Denise Wade Ph.D. CMRC is a dating Mentor, transformational educator, author, researcher, and relationship expert.