11 Behaviors That Seem Kind But Are Actually Signs Of An Evil Person
Be on the lookout for these tendencies, as they can give you space to set boundaries, cut off toxic people, and protect your well-being.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock For the most part, our world isn't an inherently bad place and people aren't innately evil beings; however, there are a number of things that can spark a manipulative and evil nature in people. According to a 2023 study on the psychology of evil, personality disorders, adverse childhood events, and poor emotional regulation can all spark "evil" behaviors — characterized by emotional manipulation, intentional behaviors intended to hurt others, and lacking empathy — sometimes from a young age.
The most subtle and suspecting of these are the behaviors that seem kind but are actually signs of an evil person. Of course, many of these are painted with broad strokes. A person who is manipulative, unkind, or lacking empathy — like a narcissist, for example — may not be inherently evil or even acting out evil behaviors, but they can be signs of a person who's intentionally hurting you or sabotaging your well-being.
Here are 11 behaviors that seem kind but are actually signs of an evil person
1. They praise you, but only when they need something
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Many people who act on evil tendencies are transactional — they only view you as someone they can manipulate to get what they want. They may act kindly to your face or even praise you in a conversation, only to weaponize that fleeting kindness for something they need down the road.
According to Delroy Paulhus, a psychology researcher focused on dark personalities, there's not always personal gain to be had from a person's cruel behaviors — like transactional conversations or emotional manipulation — other than pure entertainment and pleasure.
"There wasn't just willingness to [engage in these behaviors] but a motivation to enjoy, to put in some extra effort to have the opportunity to hurt other individuals," he revealed.
However, many of the behaviors that seem kind but are actually signs of an evil person may be more selfish — transactional for their own needs and well-being, without any regard for your personal well-being.
2. They actively listen in vulnerable conversations, but blackmail later on
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Many of the behaviors that seem kind but are actually signs of an evil person are misleading because they truly are empathetic behaviors, even though an evil person may lack that empathy in that moment when they occur.
The nasty, twisted, and manipulative part of their behavior comes when they take advantage of that misleading empathy and trust, weaponizing the vulnerability, knowledge, and trust they've acquired from another person.
In this instance, they can easily pretend to care about a person, actively listening to their struggles and making space for their anxieties, insecurities, and fears. However, down the road, they don't mind using this knowledge to blackmail, guilt-trip, and shift-blame toward another person.
Like psychiatrist Ralph Lewis, MD suggests, evil people tend to intentionally and maliciously hurt others, but they're not always aware of their nature. They minimize, justify, and dismiss their actions in the face of disdain, which makes acknowledging their emotional manipulation difficult and uncomfortable.
3. They shower you with gifts
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Of course, on the surface level, gift-giving is a form of bonding in many relationships, as it sparks trust, encourages deeper connection, and can be a way to express empathy and admiration. However, when used early on, evil people tend to break down other people's emotional safeguards and boundaries with this behavior, building a misguided sense of trust that can later be weaponized to spark feelings of obligation and guilt.
What's the key to understanding the difference between unintentional "love-bombing" early in a relationship and one of the subtle signs of an evil person? Researcher and author Brené Brown argues it all comes down to a gut instinct. "Listen to your discomfort," she says. "One bad moment doesn't define a person, but repeated behavior does. If you constantly feel uneasy around someone, that's not paranoia — it's a pattern."
It may feel like "an overreaction," especially in the eyes of someone hoping to take advantage of your passiveness, to act on "red flags" in a relationship early on, but it's the only way you can truly protect your peace in the face of an evil person. Don't forget to trust your gut — sometimes there are malevolent intentions behind a seemingly kind behavior like gift-giving.
4. They 'protect' you
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One of the behaviors that seem kind but are actually signs of an evil person is the desire to "protect." They may seem kind in trying to protect you from harm or toxic people with phrases like "I just want what's best for you" or "they're trying to take advantage of you."
However, in reality, they're either projecting their own internal desires upon you by sparking mistrust in others or actively isolating you from people who recognize and despise their evil nature. According to a 2013 study on relationship manipulation, isolating their victims is a common behavior for manipulators. They actively cut you off from family, friends, and your social circle, positioning themselves as your only ally.
Not only does this encourage you to spend more time and get more vulnerable around them, it sparks feelings of self-doubt, loneliness, and hopelessness that make you easier to take advantage of and control.
5. They defend people who don't deserve it
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According to psychology professor Susan Krauss Whitebourne, many evil people will go to any lengths to defend and justify their own misbehavior, but they're also working to defend it in other people who definitely don't deserve it.
Whether it's an effort to appear more empathetic and understanding than they truly are or to internally justify their own wrongdoing, evil people will go out of their way to enable misbehavior in others, making their own behaviors and mentalities seem less intense.
Oftentimes, this is one of the behaviors that seem kind but are actually signs of an evil person, considering they only tend to do it when other people are around to take note of their "understanding" approach.
6. They're generous and selfless in public
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It's not uncommon for an evil or manipulative person to resort to generous acts of donations, volunteering, and empathy in public, where other people are there to take note of their kindness. However, their empathy and kind behaviors are transactional, intentionally placed to disguise their misbehavior and toxicity in private.
Not only does this give them the power to leverage their public nature and personality when a victim finally calls out their behavior — nobody can believe they're capable of doing something bad and opt to "take their side" — it disillusions people when they're subtly manipulative or evil in private.
7. They adopt a 'savior complex' around people they've hurt
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According to psychiatrist Steven Gans, people with a "savior complex" are typically truly good-natured people with people-pleasing or insecure tendencies, putting their own needs on hold for the sake of helping others. However, evil people can easily try on this complex — acting like a "savior" and a "solver" for everyone's problems, even if they're actually the person at fault.
When truly kind-hearted people fall into the cycle of "being a savior," they may actually be building trust in a relationship, and with the right boundaries and self-advocacy, it can be healthy to have the tools and mentality to help others. However, evil people craft and play into a much different cycle.
They not only try to "save" the people they've hurt and manipulated by pretending to solve their problems and help them recover, they craft a sense of false salvation — where they're always the one hurting and helping, sometimes without their victim even realizing it.
It seems like an act of kindness — to help someone and use phrases like "I can help you overcome this" — when truly it's a misguided and manipulative attempt to wield control, power, and trust over a person in a relationship.
8. They try to keep the peace
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Again, many of the behaviors that seem kind but are actually signs of an evil person aren't applicable to every person, personality, or relationship. Of course, people trying to protect the peace or people-please to help others feel comfortable aren't evil-natured at heart, but some evil people try to play off these behaviors as an act of kindness, when they have much more insidious intentions.
For example, an evil person may try to "keep the peace" by forgiving people, overlooking people's mistakes, or avoiding certain conversations — not to help others, but to silence them.
They'd prefer to craft and uphold a calm, quiet, and secure reality, rather than a tumultuous one, as it keeps their misbehavior and manipulation more easily hidden. They may even weaponize silence in more intentional ways — like using the "silent treatment" in their relationships — to spark an internal sense of anxiety, fear, and self-doubt in their victims.
9. They don't always resort to anger during arguments
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Especially for people that have a history of relationships where their partner immediately resorts to defensiveness or anger in an argument, having a sense of calmness or quietness during conflict can feel like a kind and refreshing alternative. But with evil people, it's an insidious sign.
While evil and manipulative people may not loudly resort to anger in an argument, expressing their opinions and trying to defend themselves, they do leverage their quiet nature to silently plot. They prefer to rely on the long game, like plotting revenge or sabotaging a person's well-being when they're least expecting it, rather than using petty phrases or name-calling in a casual argument.
10. They apologize for white lies
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One of the common traits of a truly evil person is their willingness to lie — about everything, from small little white lies to larger acts of betrayal and deceit. Like psychology professor Christian L. Hart, PhD suggests, normally people feel a sense of sadness or guilt around their lies, but a pathological liar feels no regret and will continue to lie, even after they've been "caught."
When they do "confess" to their lies or apologize for little things, it may seem like a kind display of trust, but truly — at least for a deeply evil person who doesn't care about your well-being — they have a sleuth of other betrayals they've kept hidden. For some, they offer up misguided apologies to distract their victims from other lies; for others, it's a means to build misguided trust.
11. They act with charisma around others
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According to a study from Binghamton University, published in the Journal of Research in Personality, it's not uncommon for narcissistic or psychopathic individuals to be more charismatic, knowing how to appease and manipulate other people for the sake of their own agenda. They're not only more successful in places like the workplace because of it, they tend to get away with a lot more misbehavior because of their charm.
They typically act with charisma and charm other people, but treat their private relationship partners much worse, creating a double narrative between the people they're actively hurting and the outside world. It's not just an isolating tactic, but a protective one — they want to have people on their side if their misbehavior was called to light.
It's this kind of subtle strategic planning that often characterizes an evil person. They're always one step ahead, willing to sabotage a relationship or another person's well-being — not just for the sake of their own, but for entertainment.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
