11 Behaviors That Seem Rude But Are Actually Signs Of A Person With Healthy Boundaries
Not every act of self-care is going to be perceived positively by others, especially if you have toxic people in your life.
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock Sometimes, what feels like rudeness is just a powerful display of self-respect and healthy boundaries. Whether saying "no" to plans that drain your energy or being direct about what you need, these actions show that you're taking care of yourself. Instead of apologizing for taking up space or avoiding toxic situations, you're honoring your well-being — a strength worth celebrating.
Your boundaries don't require others' approval — they are for you. They aren't intended to control other people's behavior; establishing healthy boundaries clarifies the person you want to be, the behaviors you're unwilling to tolerate, and the company you choose to keep.
Here are 11 behaviors that seem rude but are actually signs of a person with healthy boundaries
1. Saying ‘no’ to social events they don’t want to go to
Ekateryna Zubal | Shutterstock.com
According to experts from Salience Health, a phrase like “no” or “I don’t feel comfortable with that " carries a lot of personal power despite being perceived as occasionally selfish and even rude. However, these phrases allow people to set boundaries — like saying no to a social event that could spark anxiety, stress, or inner turmoil.
Therapist Amanda Savage Brown suggests that saying "no" isn’t just a healthy boundary in relationships and social connections; it can also safeguard a person’s social battery. When you fail to say "no" to things you don’t want to go to, stay silent about the misbehavior you’re tolerating, or forgo asking for help, you redirect energy away from yourself and ruminate on anxieties that are draining your energy.
2. Being direct
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock.com
Assertiveness isn’t a bad trait; depending on who you are, it can be a display of intelligence and confidence. While women are often judged more harshly when they use direct language or display a sense of assertiveness, according to a study from the Clinical Psychology Science and Practice journal, anyone can set healthier boundaries by saying what they mean, using clear language, and not trying to appease anyone but themselves.
Especially for women, this is one of the behaviors that seems rude but is actually a sign of a person with healthy boundaries. This skill — being clear and assertive — is the key to nurturing healthier relationships, dynamics at work and at home, and, of course, a more balanced mental state.
3. Not taking responsibility for other people’s opinions or emotions
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock.com
Experts from Heartfelt Online Therapy suggest that one of the behaviors that seem rude but are signs of a person with healthy boundaries is refusing to take responsibility for other people’s opinions, emotional responses, or thoughts. Of course, we influence people by making them feel certain things — like treating them with kindness, saying the wrong thing, or disrespecting them with hurtful actions.
However, just because we have the power of influence doesn’t always mean we need to be burdened with the responsibility of how another person acts. It's time to set a healthy boundary with yourself, especially if taking responsibility for another person’s emotions and opinions is causing you harm — like believing their mean opinions about yourself or digesting their judgment about your personality.
You can only control and take responsibility for your choices, actions, and emotional responses — trying to take on that burden for anyone else only feeds into a spiral of low self-esteem, anxiety, and blame.
4. Safeguarding physical spaces
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock.com
While healthy boundaries tend to help people safeguard their emotional spaces and health, they can also help protect physical spaces, communities, and practical experiences.
As experts from the National Alliance on Mental Illness suggest, setting healthy boundaries around physical spaces can look a million different ways, depending on the person. However, from setting a password on your phone to expressing your need for privacy in a bedroom or office, these actions can easily be deemed “rude’ by an insecure partner, a person who benefits from your lack of boundaries, or an ignorant person that feels overly entitled to your space, effort, and energy.
5. Not spending time with toxic people
IC Production | Shutterstock.com
We’ve all fallen victim at some point to enabling misbehavior in a toxic friend, peer, or partner — letting them take advantage of and disrespect us without setting boundaries. In situations where this toxic person plays a key role in your life or has already forced a connection with you, of course, they’re going to believe that any kind of boundary is “rude” — especially if they’re the one losing access to you.
Choosing not to spend time with people, removing yourself from toxic conversations, or even going "no contact" may seem rude — both to the toxic person you’re avoiding and even to the community, friend group, or family that’s grown comfortable with the current dynamic — but it’s an assertive behavior that can be a means of self-advocacy, comfort, and even self-care.
6. Refusing to talk about certain topics
La Famiglia | Shutterstock.com
While avoiding conflict and vulnerability in all aspects of a relationship is often a sign of deep-rooted fears that can sabotage a connection and bonds between two people, occasionally expressing a desire not to speak about certain topics is one of the behaviors that seems rude but is actually a sign of a person with healthy boundaries.
Most people with emotional intelligence or self-awareness can recognize when someone is setting and maintaining a boundary, so they’re not innately offended when someone says “no” or chooses to steer clear of a topic — they’re willing to respect other people’s comfort levels.
7. Removing themselves from unproductive conversations
Srdjan Randjelovic | Shutterstock.com
Many people don’t recognize that they have the power to remove themselves from an unproductive conversation or choose not to engage with a toxic person in their life. These behaviors seem rude but are actually signs of a person with healthy boundaries.
Psychologist Nick Wignall argues that people with healthy boundaries don’t “moralize” their decisions or expectations — painting a “black and white” picture of what’s good and bad in relationships — but other people still tend to grow offended when they’re on the other side of a person maintaining or asserting a boundary.
When they don’t feel entitled to a person’s space or time anymore, especially if they’re already lacking emotional intelligence, it’s not surprising that they’d rely on name-calling behaviors to burden healthy people with the shame and guilt they’re feeling.
8. Calling out disrespect
Fizkes | Shutterstock.com
While many people in toxic relationships continue to tolerate and even enable misbehavior to “people-please” or avoid conflict, according to psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, allowing people to consistently disrespect you only sets a precedent for every other connection and relationship you form.
Calling out disrespect, especially in public or social situations, is one of the behaviors that seems rude but is a sign of a person with healthy boundaries because it can be innately awkward and uncomfortable for many people to navigate — whether they’re giving it out or receiving it.
However, sometimes that discomfort is exactly what you need to cement a boundary for yourself — encouraging people to view you as someone willing to stand up for themselves and set boundaries, even when uncomfortable.
9. Not apologizing for taking up space
CarlosBarquero | Shutterstock.com
Many behaviors that seem rude but are actually signs of a person with healthy boundaries are innately gendered and rooted in social expectations. For example, a woman navigating a public space by saying “excuse me” rather than apologizing or saying “sorry” is often deemed rude despite advocating for her own space—something she’s more than deserving of.
Similarly, many intelligent, assertive, and confident women struggle with appeasing other people’s comfort levels, especially people whose belief systems are rooted in oppressive patriarchal norms and stereotypes.
While it might seem ironic that many people are deemed “rude” for simply not apologizing when they take up space, it’s something many marginalized communities and demographics experience every day.
10. Honestly expressing their emotions, whether they’re 'good' or 'bad'
Mariana_erato | Shutterstock.com
A study published in the Journal of Personality suggests that people who are willing to express and regulate their own emotions often combat depressive symptoms, anxiety, and emotional turmoil compared to those who avoid and suppress them. In addition to maintaining a better emotional baseline, these intentional people also cultivate healthier relationships with peers and partners willing to support and accept their emotions rather than condemn them.
By making the decision — or “setting a boundary” with yourself — to express emotions (uncomfortable or not), it’s not uncommon for some people to label you as rude, especially if they’re wildly uncomfortable with emotional expression and vulnerability.
11. Making themselves a priority
JLco Julia Amaral | Shutterstock.com
If being “selfish” means setting healthy boundaries, cutting out toxic people, and having an empowering attitude that protects you from being taken advantage of by others, be selfish. Making yourself a priority is one of the behaviors that seems rude but is a sign of a person with healthy boundaries. It’s typically only offensive to people who benefit from your weaknesses and insecurities.
Even experts at Harvard College suggest that it can be uncomfortable to unlearn feelings of selfishness when it comes to setting healthy boundaries, but at the end of the day, looking out for yourself, making it a priority to feel better, and managing the priorities in your life isn’t a crime.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.