9 Behaviors Of People Who Communicate Well To Get What They Want, According To Psychology
Good communication is instrumental in building healthy relationships.
Nicolas Menijes | Canva I was not a good communicator for most of my life. But we need to communicate well to influence and persuade others effectively. People told me I needed to stop mumbling and listen better. Being an assertive communicator is a critical life skill and a learnable one — plus, it'll get you more of what you want.
However, assertive people are not necessarily born that way. They value communication and are willing to work on improving their style and habits. Starting particularly awkwardly forced me to learn what I could about being better. I’m still learning, but I’m far better, and now I'm here to share the behaviors of great communicators who tend to get what they want.
People who communicate well to get what they want often display these behaviors:
1. Speak for your listener
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Many people lose their audience because they speak in a way they understand, but their audience does not. They use jargon, flamboyant words, and complex explanations that differ from their listener’s comprehension. A good communicator has a good sense of what their audience does and doesn’t know, and they will ask questions beforehand to know how to say it best.
Knowing your audience is crucial for effective communication. It allows you to tailor your message to their needs, values, and understanding, leading to greater engagement and persuasion. In a 2022 study published by Cambridge University Press, this is often called audience analysis. It examines demographics, psychographics, and the audience's existing knowledge about the topic to craft the most impactful message.
2. Show empathy
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There’s a big difference between being a submissive, nodding donkey who agrees with everything others say and being empathetic. When you occasionally demonstrate that you can understand their perspective, even if it’s simple: ‘I agree,’ you will disarm people, creating harmony.
A recent study shows that demonstrating empathy toward an audience significantly improves communication. It allows speakers to understand better and connect with their listeners on a deeper level, fosters trust, builds rapport, and makes their message more relatable and impactful. By showing genuine concern for the audience's feelings and perspectives, speakers can tailor their communication to resonate more effectively, leading to better engagement and understanding.
3. Ask questions
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Questions do two things. First, they demonstrate your interest in another person, which helps them feel respected and heard. Secondly, they encourage the other person to share more. Hence, you gain more intel on their perspective, which allows you to build further empathy and ensures you avoid basing your communication on assumptions.
This also allows you to make your collaboration far more effective than butting heads and forcing your viewpoint on someone. Personal development coach Erika Isler shares how, as a reporter, she found that "people would much rather you ask that 'stupid question' rolling around in your head than have you assume something and be wrong about it."
4. Properly listen
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Very few people truly listen. Watch conversations others are having, and you’ll see most people are focused on what they’re saying and what to say next while sort of pretending to listen.
Great communicators rely on actually listening. Your subsequent communication will be truly effective when you hear what’s being said, even beyond the words and into non-verbal cues.
Why? Because now you’re talking with someone instead of talking at them.
According to a 2014 study, active listening fosters a sense of being heard and understood, builds trust, and allows for better comprehension of the speaker's message. This, in turn, leads to more positive interactions and stronger relationships.
5. Speak concisely
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Great communicators are conscious of adding unnecessary words and being long-winded. They have also developed the habit of speaking clearly so others don’t have to keep asking them to repeat themselves.
They say more with fewer words. They know their objective, get to the point, and don’t ramble. They prize impact and efficiency over making more noise.
6. Slow down and use silence
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Most people jabber on at a rapid pace, not caring about the impact of their words. They are more concerned with the fact that they are talking than with the point of it all.
Great speakers see speaking as a powerful tool that requires respect. They consider it a craft to master, so they are comfortable slowing down and using strategic silences to deliver a point.
7. Not self-conscious
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After you have read these tips, internalize them as best you can, but then let go of trying to remember them all when you’re communicating. The best communicators aren’t thinking about how they come across with intense self-awareness.
They are present and in flow, focused on what others are saying. They have their attention on serving those they are communicating with. They aren’t trying to think of the next clever thing to say.
They have faith that what they need to say will come up in the moment. This is far more likely to work for them when they are relaxed. Again, this takes practice and regular exposure to communication opportunities.
A 2022 study in Nurse Education Today states that increased self-awareness is strongly linked to improved communication skills. Self-awareness allows individuals to better understand their emotions and reactions and how others might perceive them. It leads to more effective listening, clear expression, and a better ability to adapt communication styles to different situations.
8. Don’t interrupt
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Interrupting people is disrespectful and demonstrates that we aren’t listening. This not only means we have less information to inform a richer discussion but also sets the tone for an ongoing amateur communication style that can devolve into arguments and conflict.
Dr. Caroline Maguire believes you can harness the power of silence to "listen better and focus on what the other person is saying, verbally and non-verbally." Most of us might also feel more in control when we are the speaker, but being a good listener is a significant strength.
9. Use respectful honesty
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Great communicators are willing to go to uncomfortable places. This takes courage and garners respect.
However, they are mindful of saying necessary things and coming from a place of genuine care for the listener, as opposed to insecurity and a need to inflict harm on another. This takes practice, but you should prioritize honesty in your communications to develop confidence in yourself and your speaking power.
Respectful honesty in communication significantly improves interpersonal relationships by fostering trust, promoting open dialogue, and minimizing conflict. A recent study shows that people often underestimate how well others can handle honest feedback when delivered with kindness and consideration. Essentially, being truthful while respecting the other person's feelings leads to stronger connections and better communication overall.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.