9 Behaviors The Most Attractive Men Consistently Exhibit
Here are 9 things the most attractive men do — none of which involve correcting women on what women want.
NeonShot via Canva | Black Sete via Canva As a person who writes about relationships and has been in tons of them, I’ve learned a lot about people.
I’ve heard what my guyfriends want. I’ve heard what my female friends want. And I know what I want.
I regularly tell people what makes a woman want a man — and no, it’s not just a kind heart. It’s also a decent lifestyle, drive, and charisma. But, without fail, I’ll have male readers go, "You’re wrong. Women only want the top 10 percent of men."
First off, how exactly is this "top 10 percent" even measured, and second of all, no. That’s not how this works. That’s not how women work, and that definitely isn’t how dating works.
So, maybe it’s time I discuss this issue.
Why is it so hard for men to believe women when it comes to their preferences?
I can’t name how many times I’ve had men "correct" me on what women want, often followed by them saying something like, "You don’t ask a fish how to catch a fish?"
At times, I point out the obvious: I was born a woman. I know what I want. I hear women tell me what they want, all the time. Yet somehow, this often turns into the man attacking me.
I usually hear something along the lines of, "Well, you’re past your prime/an addict, and therefore, you’re not top-shelf. I’m talking about women who men actually want."
Here’s the thing: my point still stands. Most of the guys who correct me don’t realize how terrible they sound. Women are not one giant monolithic group — just like men aren’t one giant monolithic group.
I can’t help but notice that the vast majority of men who correct me on what women want are not very successful with them.
I mean, not for nothing, but there may be a reason why they’re correcting me when I tell them what women want. It’s a lot easier to double down on a toxic belief than it is to re-examine the reasons why women are avoiding you.
The truth is that most women (especially those worth it) won’t care if you’re six feet tall or if you make six figures. I married a guy who’s slightly shorter than me and I make three times as much as he does.
A lot of great men do get passed up, but that’s often because they either stopped trying to date women, don’t approach women well, are unlucky, or haven’t put much effort into maintaining the looks they need to get their foot in the door.
However, that doesn’t mean that women all want the guy who looks like he stepped right out of GQ. If women all wanted to date "Chad," then that doesn’t explain all the 5'7 men who are dating women. It also doesn’t explain how my 375-pound ex cheated on me with 15 women.
Men who don’t fit the oft-touted standard sleep with women every day. But, that’s a reality that a large number of guys don’t want to face. Because, you know, it’s easier to write women off as this group of people with impossible standards who hate you.
We all know why guys do this. Because it’s easier to blame and gaslight women than wonder what’s wrong.
Regardless of who you are, a large part of being attractive depends on how you make others feel.
I’ll let you in on a little secret that I’ve noticed about the most sexually successful people. It’s in their personality.
Here are 9 behaviors the most attractive men consistently exhibit:
1. They make their dates feel safe — but make their intention known
They don’t beat around the bush, claim to want friendship, then flip out when their advances are rejected. They go, "Hey, I really like you. I want to get to know you better as a person. You’re super-attractive and sexy."
2. They validate their partner’s feelings
Women want to feel seen and heard. Nothing is sexier than saying, "Hey, you’re right to feel that way. I wouldn’t be thrilled with that, either."
3. They're generous
I remember when I had a guy buy me a bottle of Moet knowing I was a fan of champagne. I melted. It was a thoughtful gift I wouldn’t have been able to afford for myself.
4. They enjoy themselves
People want to be around people who are fun and who have fun. That’s why the guy at the club who is dancing and talking to everyone gets women interested in him.
5. They hold themselves accountable for their actions
A guy women want to be with doesn’t blame others for his lot in life. He’s the guy who can clean up after himself, the guy who can earn a living, and the guy who realizes he messed up and is willing to own up to his mistakes.
6. They don't whine or trauma-dump on women
Nothing screams unattractive like the guy who should be seeing a shrink instead of a date. A romantic partner is not a rehab center for an unstable man.
7. They take time to actually get to know the woman
I will never understand how so many men have no problem talking dirty to a girl they just met. Like, don't you even want to try to put up a pretense of seeing them as a person? Oh, wait … Yeah, only attractive people do that.
8. They dress well and bathe
If you want to see the kings of dressing for the female gaze, go to a goth club. As much as I hate the idea of sleeping with goth guys these days, they know how to play up a sexy vamp look. Not your dig? Cool. Try K-pop stars, rappers, or basically any other type of guy that has a massive female following.
9. They don't treat the girl like crap before or afterward
Women talk. There are a lot of men who are blacklisted from various scenes because they either spiked a woman’s drink, talked badly about the wrong woman, hit someone, or shared private pictures. Eventually, this behavior can and will catch up to you.
If you didn’t notice, a lot of those traits fly in the face of the type of behavior that involves correcting women on what women want.
I’ve heard a lot of love stories in my life. I have yet to hear a woman tell me, "And then he interrupted me, talked over me, and told me I don’t know what I want. He then accused me of being interested in Chad over him but then told me I’m not hot enough to get a Chad. I’m in love!"
No, most women don’t react well to men tone-policing them or "correcting" them about the nature of women. It’s repulsive, gaslight-y, and invalidates us as people. Moreover, it’s really misogynistic. It shows you really don’t care what women think.
There absolutely are blind spots that women have a hard time advising men on, including things like how to make a girl feel safe, how to deal with emotional blackmail, or where it’s appropriate to hit on women. However, knowing what women want is not one of those blind spots.
Dating is already a meat grinder. Do you really want to make it worse for yourself by listening to misogynistic advice about women wanting "Chads?"
I sure hope not.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.