You're Being Played By A Deeply Calculating Person If They Do Any Of These 7 Things
Calculation can happen in the subtlest of ways, so be aware of these deceptive behaviors.
Edward Howell | Unsplash These calculating gestures might seem romantic, giving promise to a healthy, happy relationship moving forward, but it turns out they're red flags in disguise.
Sometimes when things seem too good to be true and the person you're dating is making grandiose gestures that flatter and charm you so early on, it can mean that there aren't good intentions there, and your partner might not be the sweetheart they appear to be.
Here's what to avoid when dating someone new. If you notice any of these deeply calculating signals in a person, proceed with caution
You're being played by a calculating person if they do these things:
1. They use pet names too early
While it may seem cute to be called "babe" or "honey" early on, this can also be a sign of neediness and falling way too quickly, David Bennett, a relationship counselor and owner of Double Trust Dating and Relationships, explained. "Plus, after the infatuation phase is over, it can just come across as annoying or routine," he added.
2. They ignore their friends for you
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It seems romantic that your partner chooses to spend time with you over their friends, but consistently ignoring close friends for a romantic relationship will eventually backfire, he said. "Everyone needs close friendships to be emotionally healthy, and giving them up for a romantic relationship isn't healthy in the long run," he explained.
A partner actively ignoring their friends to prioritize you can be considered a form of manipulation. A study published by BMC Psychiatry found that this tactic involves isolating themselves from their support system and potentially controlling their social life to make them feel sympathy for being on their own. This tactic is often associated with unhealthy power dynamics and can be a red flag in a relationship.
3. They text nonstop
All-day texting can be overwhelming. "Texting all day sounds romantic, but it will quickly seem needy when you're trying to enjoy the moment you're in or busy with work and other projects and your partner is upset you haven't responded immediately," said Bennett.
A healthier option is to keep in contact fairly regularly but encourage each other to be present in the moment without constant attachment to the phone. "Then meeting up later is even that much more enjoyable," added Bennett.
4. You're all over their social media as soon as you meet
It may be cute at first that their social media has turned into a shrine to you and you two as a couple, but it's too much too soon, and it can come across as obsessive. "What does it say about a person that their entire online presence is basically about one person rather than a variety of hobbies, interests, and experiences?" said Bennett. It's not a good sign.
A partner excessively posting about you on social media can be considered manipulative because it can be a way to control your image, seek validation from others at your expense, and create a public facade of a perfect relationship, even if the reality is different.
Research published by Brigham Young University concluded that this makes you feel pressured to conform to that image and undermines your privacy and autonomy within the relationship. Communicate your comfort level regarding what aspects of your relationship you're willing to share online and discuss privacy expectations.
5. They want to meet your parents as soon as possible
If you just started dating and they want to meet your family, it could mean they're rushing into things and can be in it too deep. "It takes time to get to know someone, and having you meet people important to them early on may be a red flag," Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, explained.
Instead, discuss it openly to see where your partner is coming from and where the relationship stands.
6. They want to move in together too fast
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If it's only been a few months of dating, you shouldn't be signing a lease together. "Moving in is a big step, and it should be done with thought and planning," she said. If your partner is trying to move in before getting to know you better, it could be a warning sign.
This can be a tactic to pressure you into a more profound commitment before you've had enough time to understand the relationship dynamics fully.
A 2023 study concluded that this potentially creates an imbalance of power where they can control or influence your actions and decisions by leveraging the idea of a committed living situation, even if you're not fully ready, essentially rushing you into a situation where you might feel obligated to stay even if you have concerns.
7. They book an immediate vacation
Traveling as a couple takes some time to get comfortable with, and you shouldn't plan a trip with someone you've only been on a few dates with. "Spending time 24/7 with someone early on is too much too fast," she said, so this can be a major red flag. There's a sort of urgency and dependency that doesn't sit well.
Isadora Baum is a freelance writer, certified health coach, and author of 5-Minute Energy.