Becoming A Better Person Is Much Harder For Men Than We Give Them Credit For
"I’m telling you that the world needs men who know who they truly are."
Nadino | Shutterstock For many men, their identities are deeply intertwined with external accomplishments, mainly centered on career and wealth. However, true personal growth requires letting go of the expected versions of yourself ingrained from internal and external factors in order to embrace who you truly are. Letting go of longstanding beliefs about what a man should be and how he should behave isn't easy.
In fact, the process can be painful, as it may feel like losing everything you've known. Yet, the reward is profound, like a deeper connection to your authentic self. It reminds us that the world needs men who are confident in knowing who they truly are, not just who they’ve been or what they can provide. In order to celebrate that difficult change, it's important to give men credit where credit is due, especially when they are working to better themselves.
A men's mental health coach explained that men pay a price when they begin a journey of self-repair.
"The cost of becoming who you are is letting go of who you were, and for many men, who they were is tied to everything they've built," men's coach Michelle Cachucho explained in a video, and tearing that all down is no easy feat.
Mish went on to describe how difficult it is "to wake up one day and realize everything that you've built, this whole world around you, it's not making you happy." She stressed, however, that once the decision to change is made, even though it's incredibly difficult, things almost immediately get better. She said if he "decides to make that change ... he'll never make the same mistake twice, and he'll never betray himself again."
It’s like being at a crossroads, where what they thought defined them no longer brings fulfillment, yet stepping away from it feels like losing a part of themselves.
For many men, the journey to becoming a better person is filled with silent battles. I know this firsthand as I lost my father to suicide. He was a strong, hardworking man who carried so much on his shoulders, but he never felt like he had a safe place to talk about what he was going through. His pain wasn’t visible until it was too late. That loss taught me something profound: that behind many men’s silence is a story they feel they can’t share.
Men may feel isolated, as though they are carrying the weight of their struggles alone. The lack of a support system can deepen feelings of alienation and make it harder to navigate their emotions. Society often discourages men from expressing vulnerability, associating emotional openness with weakness.
This can make men feel ashamed or embarrassed about their struggles, fearing judgment from others if they open up about their mental health. According to a survey by the Mental Health Foundation, men are less likely than women to seek professional support and less likely to disclose mental health problems to friends and family. In fact, 28% of men in the survey admitted that they had not sought medical help for their issues.
The path to growth is not just about being stronger. It’s about being seen, being heard, and having the courage to let go of who the world expects you to be so you can finally step into who you really are.
True growth begins when you let go of who you were to embrace who you are meant to become.
The cost of inner work, as Mish put it, is the shedding of an old identity. But it’s also about stepping into a more authentic version of oneself. That's not easy for men, especially with the way society treats them.
It often involves confronting deep insecurities, feelings of loss, and the fear of failure or uncertainty about the future. And yet, the transformation she described is not one of a man simply abandoning everything. It’s about recalibrating, to become aligned with who he truly is, rather than who he thought he was supposed to be.
Manuela Durson | Shutterstock
Mish’s final point, that the world needs men who know who they truly are, highlighted an important shift. Personal growth is not limited to how it impacts an individual.
Taking action to redefine what it means to be a modern man has an impact on communities, families, and society as a whole. Men who are connected to their authentic selves can offer more genuine leadership in the workplace, compassion toward others who may be struggling, and pride in themselves.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
