Want To Become Your Most Authentic Self? Psychology Says Adopt These 8 Powerful Habits As You Age
Stop second-guessing your decisions and learn how to live authentically.
Trung Thanh | Unsplash I struggled to be what people call ‘authentic’ for a long time because I didn’t know who I was, nor did I often trust who I was. I was in my head, second-guessing my decisions and behaviors.
This came across as a little awkward, and sometimes I’d force things, so I came off even more weird. I’m still frequently awkward, but my life is far better because I understand what it means to realize your authentic self.
Want to become your most authentic self? Psychology says to adopt these 9 powerful habits as you age:
1. Do what you say you're going to do
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Authentic people live honestly. This doesn’t only mean being honest around the people we come across.
It’s about being honest in those quiet moments behind the scenes when no one is watching. It’s about being honest with ourselves. We can’t always be perfect, and sometimes we slip.
But you must move in the direction of integrity. This means doing what you committed to doing because you honor your commitments.
2. Smile when you want to
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Social interaction isn’t about proving to the world how nice you are. I used to exert myself by smiling and laughing to appear cool, happy, and normal.
I ended up with a strained face and low-key depression. Don’t force it. Relax yourself and listen. Respond how you want. This inspires others to be themselves, too.
Consistently pretending to be happy or suppressing real emotions can lead to negative consequences, including emotional confusion, misrepresentation of one's actual state, and difficulty accessing needed mental health support. Research has shown that workers in customer-facing roles who must constantly display positive emotions, regardless of their actual feelings, experience higher stress levels and burnout.
3. Make sure your actions are align with your values
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Beyond acting in line with their intentions, they follow their value system, too. This needn’t be complicated. Values are derived in the gut.
Morals might be viewed as a man-made concept, yet this doesn’t stop you from trusting your instincts about what feels good or bad.
This requires judgment. You know when something is off. If you didn’t, this world would be even bleaker than it could be.
Follow what you know is right. If you close off to this, who are you?
4. Get out of your head
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Authentic people can get in their heads, but they are often present using their senses. This practice can take time to improve if all you’ve known is overthinking. Listen to people deeply when they talk to you.
Have faith that things will be okay when you let go of your thoughts for a moment and take in the colors of life.
The sounds and the textures. You become more effective and more yourself when you do.
Remaining present, or mindfulness, offers numerous benefits, including reduced anxiety, stress, and depression and increased happiness, well-being, and self-awareness. A 2016 study found that by being present, individuals can make more thoughtful and less reactive decisions as they are more aware of their thoughts and feelings.
5. Go dark when the moment’s right
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If something bothers an authentic person, they act on it. This doesn’t necessarily mean flying into a wild rage when triggered. There must be emotional control here.
They take a breath, act appropriately in their environment, and, if they feel anger, use it for good.
Maybe they turn that torrent of energy into a creative endeavor. They don’t bottle it in. They are in touch with their senses and say what needs to be told if an injustice requires attention.
6. Say what you mean and avoid 'fluff' talk
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Deviating from what you really mean in an attempt to avoid hurting others’ feelings might seem compassionate. But often, we skirt the truth to protect ourselves — namely, our egos.
We don’t want to invite criticism based on a false sense that we have something to lose. Authentic people don’t worry so much about looking imperfect and being hurt because they have a firm sense of their worth.
What they communicate is not polluted by fear. They say what needs to be said without the additional fluff, which is refreshing in a deeply insecure world.
According to a 2024 study, speaking fosters better communication, understanding, and trust, improving relationships and outcomes in various contexts, from personal interactions to professional settings. When individuals feel confident in their ability to communicate effectively, they are more likely to engage in meaningful interactions.
7. Be honest — even if it makes you look bad
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People talk a lot about the need to be ‘vulnerable.’ But what does this really mean?
We’re essentially talking about being willing to appear imperfect. To reveal our flaws and idiosyncrasies.
We deviate from who we are when we hide what makes us unique. This goes for how we appear, think, and behave. If we’re truly authentic, we can’t possibly be without flaws — and yet this is what so many of us are striving to hide.
We choose a dishonest life to appear perfect. This will eat you up from the inside, cause anxiety, and distance yourself from others.
8. Be purposeful in your work
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Doing work that contributes to improving the state of affairs of the world around us can be enlivening. You’re no longer merely getting by or doing something primarily for your own needs. Your work means something more.
Being on a mission awakens something that energizes us and helps us connect with who we are. Authentic people are on a mission that aligns with what they consider important in the world.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.