The Admirable Reason Why Everyone Annoys You
Don't worry, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
fizkes / Shutterstock If you find yourself getting easily agitated, even by some of your closest friends, don’t worry! It's not inherently a bad thing and may make complete sense depending on your personality.
A clinical psychologist took to TikTok to explain why some of us get more annoyed in social situations than others — and it's not for the reason you might expect.
You are more prone to getting annoyed with people if you are an introvert with a high level of social skills.
Dr. Scott Eilers, a clinical psychologist and coach based in Iowa, explained why introverts who are highly adept at handling social situations are the ones who get easily annoyed by almost everyone.
An introvert is someone who tends to be more inward-focused, finding comfort in smaller and more intimate groups of people rather than large crowds. However, this does not mean that they are incapable of social interaction.
“We know how to interact with other people, we’re pretty good at reading situations and reading emotions, but we find it really exhausting or draining to do so,” Eilers explained.
“It would be great if you could surround yourself with other socially skilled introverts," he continued. "The problem is that when you meet — because you both have a relatively low drive for socializing and a relatively high degree of social skills — you both recognize that neither person really wants a lot of socializing.”
Eisler claimed that highly socially skilled introverts are most likely to attract and be friends with low socially skilled extroverts. These individuals love to chat and put themselves out there, however, they may not be the best at reading the room or picking up on social cues.
If you are an introvert with a high level of social skills, extroverts with a low level of social skills tend to gravitate toward you since they view you as someone who will be engaged in the conversation, even if you make it clear that you are in no mood to do so.
However, since you know how to read the situation, you likely try to avoid hurting their feelings.
“You might be too kind, too polite, or maybe even just too shy to tell this person that they are absolutely driving you nuts and you have no interest in the things they are telling you about,” Eisler said. “And they aren’t skilled enough to pick up on the subtle hints that you are dropping.”
This idea is closely tied to the term “social battery,” or the amount of energy a person has for socializing. While extroverts tend to gain energy from social interactions, introverts expend their energy by socializing and need time alone afterward to recharge.
Photo: evrymmnt / Shutterstock
An introvert’s social battery can become depleted even more quickly when they are around extroverts who encounter no exhaustion from having a conversation. However, this does not mean that introverted people are unfriendly, or that they do not enjoy socializing with people. They may just feel more comfortable in smaller groups for shorter periods.
Being introverted also comes with its perks. If you are an introvert, you are comfortable with solitude, which gives you ample opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth. You also often have a strong sense of self-awareness and introspection, leading to a deeper understanding of yourself and your values.
Instead of being co-dependent on others, you are satisfied with getting things done on your own in the comfort of yourself and only yourself.
Introverts also tend to form deeper relationships and connections with others. Since they prefer one-on-one interactions, they can know people on a deeper personal level, fostering more intimate and fulfilling relationships.
So if you are an introvert, don’t worry! There is nothing to be ashamed of and you are certainly not alone (those who consider themselves introverts make up 25 to 40% of the population).
And if our weaknesses consist of being “too kind” or “too polite,” we’ll gladly take it!
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.